Ok, why do people suggest to get an Imam involved when it comes to settling marital problems.
The Imams in my area are useless troublemakers.
Has anyone ACTUALLY sought their help in marriages and has it worked? Are they remotely effective?
It’s not like they have received any marriage counseling training.
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Let me know if any marriage counselor shows solutions in light of Quran and sunnah. If you do nikah then it makes sense to go to Islam for marital advice too. IMO*
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The Imam could not be a marriage counselor, only he could offer advice according to Quran and sunnah.
But on other side if he is someone highly respected by both parties then certainly could be very helpful.
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What cricketplaya said. I have heard of actual counselors who give Islamic marriage advice and they offer their services at the masjid if need be.
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When people and/or relationships are in trouble, most of the people seek comfort/guidance from the religion they believe/follow (be it Islam, Christianity or other). There is nothing so strange in this.
btw, experience is still by far the best teacher of all so just ridiculing someone on the basis of lack of training is not to way to go.
It is desi phenomenon to give unsolicited useless advice.
My wife has some very serious complicated medical issues. I spend thousands of dollars and my time to maintain her quality of life. I even rejected a promotion offer at my work because it will require that I travel at least 50 percent of time .
Someone told my wife hey eat kalonji every morning that will rid you of your issues. She was telling me that and asking my advice on it. I told her if it was that easy why would we spend pay thousands of dollars to doctors every month ? She got the point.
My point is you go to doctor when you are sick not to imam for a dam/dum/ religious blowing. You go to a lawyer when you have to sue someone . You call a plumber when you have plumbing issues the why do you not go to a marriage counselor when you have marital issues. All Imam can do is pray for you , you can pray for yourself too. You can ask someone else pray for you too. You can ask the whole community to pray for you. The kind of marital advice an Imam can give , I can give that kind of advice too , heck the whole of GS can give that kind of advice.
Quran and sunnah is the book of marital counseling, human behavior and human psychology.
Quran and sunnah did not contain clinical research on human behavior and psychy. They are books for moral guidance and personal well being. Yes there is valuable advice to the extent how a husband and how a wife should behave and treat each other and also what are the rights and responsibilities of spouses . But if people are not following those guidelines and breaking all the religious , marital , parental , obligations Quran and Sunnah and Imam cannot help you. What if husband and wife are in deep depression and that depression is causing all the marital problems then you need Prozac, Abilify , Zoloft and/or marital counseling in addition to ait a karima ka khatam.
Do not get me wrong . I believe in the power of duaa. I believe in divine intervention , but I am a practical man too and seek practical solutions for real world problems.
Do not look for things in Quran and sunnah which are not there. Quran and sunnah does not provide a formula for Muslim ummah to make a nuclear bomb you need scientists ,engineers , physicists and books of science and technology to achieve that task. You need Dr. Qadeer not a Imam to tell you what what Quran and Sunnah has to offer in this matter. 
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Quran and sunnah is the book of marital counseling, human behavior and human psychology.
Quran and sunnah did not contain clinical research on human behavior and psychy. They are books for moral guidance and personal well being. Yes there is valuable advice to the extent how a husband and how a wife should behave and treat each other and also what are the rights and responsibilities of spouses . But if people are not following those guidelines and breaking all the religious , marital , parental , obligations Quran and Sunnah and Imam cannot help you. What if husband and wife are in deep depression and that depression is causing all the marital problems then you need Prozac, Abilify , Zoloft and/or marital counseling in addition to ait a karima ka khatam.
Do not get me wrong . I believe in the power of duaa. I believe in divine intervention , but I am a practical man too and seek practical solutions for real world problems.
Do not look for things in Quran and sunnah which are not there. Quran and sunnah does not provide a formula for Muslim ummah to make a nuclear bomb you need scientists ,engineers , physicists and books of science and technology to achieve that task. You need Dr. Qadeer not a Imam to tell you what what Quran and Sunnah has to offer in this matter.
It is desi phenomenon to give unsolicited useless advice. My wife has some very serious complicated medical issues. I spend thousands of dollars and my time to maintain her quality of life. I even rejected a promotion offer at my work because it will require that I travel at least 50 percent of time . Someone told my wife hey eat kalonji every morning that will rid you of your issues. She was telling me that and asking my advice on it. I told her if it was that easy why would we spend pay thousands of dollars to doctors every month ? She got the point.
:
It's narrated in various hadiths that kalonji has a cure for every disease except death so whoever gave the advice wasn't wrong and may have worked for your wife than spending thousands and thousands dollars!!
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as far as the topic, i think it depends on the imam and his knowledge.. if I had a marital issue, I won't hesitate going to my imam because of his wealth of knowledge about islam and society.. he knows where to draw a line and I woudl rather obtain guidance in the light of quraan and sunnah.. but of course it's my personal opinion based on my experience with our local imam. :-)
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Except I've been taking Kalongi for my GERD and it does nothing for me.
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Its a shame that you involve a stranger to get* your *disputes settled. If your spouse's words dont carry weight for you, a stranger's wont either. I have seen such a case. A nut case woman stands up and goes 'i am bringing the imam, and if he says, i am right, ill do this and that and that'. Not that he achieved anything outa it, the imam turned out to be favoring the husband.
Its a shame that you involve a stranger to get* your *disputes settled. If your spouse's words dont carry weight for you, a stranger's wont either. I have seen such a case. A nut case woman stands up and goes 'i am bringing the imam, and if he says, i am right, ill do this and that and that'. Not that he achieved anything outa it, the imam turned out to be favoring the husband.
You are giving whole new meaning to bilateral relations, consulting, counseling and negotiations :)
Thats the whole idea, and thats why me likes them imams :k:
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I guess people think that an Imam can maybe help mediate using Islamic references....and get the couple to reflect over their marriage. And it might help.
But it also depends upon the Imam and if he's biased. Some men (inlcuding imams) might believe that a husband should be obeyed and submitted to without taking into consideration his faults or the wife's concerns. You'd need someone who can look at issues from both angles....and mitigate from both angles.
Let me know if any marriage counselor shows solutions in light of Quran and sunnah. If you do nikah then it makes sense to go to Islam for marital advice too. IMO*
I whole heartedly agree with the above, however it depends on the Imam and his level of faith & personality. I know of a few friends that used an Imam to intervene when things got too crazy, unfortunately the imam isn't unbiased and gave out crazy advice. He actually told a female that was being hit to put up with it....as she should listen to her hubby. Trust me the reasons her hubby was hitting her were outrageous!!!! He drank, was raging over stuff between his wife n mommy...etc... How could he encourage that! There had to have been a more sensible solution. That was just 1 case I know...but key is finding someone sensible with a good reputation to actually advise based on Quran & Sunnah & Hadith....
You are giving whole new meaning to bilateral relations, consulting, counseling and negotiations :)
In most of the cases, consulting, negotiations are not for the sake of knowing what is actually right, what is not. They need someone to support their view.
Ok, why do people suggest to get an Imam involved when it comes to settling marital problems.
The Imams in my area are useless troublemakers.
Has anyone ACTUALLY sought their help in marriages and has it worked? Are they remotely effective?
It's not like they have received any marriage counseling training.
I have not seen any cases where the general imams of the community that have actually helped someone - or created a plan for the couple. I also think it's pointless unless the imam is experienced enough to hadle such issues.
Some masjids in our area offer marriage counseling but it's with an actual qualified counselor with islamic knowledge.
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My opinion is that if the couple cannot sort it out, no one can. Third party can only be the last thing to try out before calling quit.
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We've had a case in our family where the couple was just not getting along and they decided to call it quits. At that point we asked them both to see the local Imam who is also a well educated happily married gentleman. They both met him separately, talked out their issues. What the Imam did was clarify some misconceptions on rights and responsibilities but he couldn't make either of them change their mind. Eventually at the time of divorce, the process was smooth because both parties knew what their Islamic rights were.
At the end of the day, I feel the willingness to change is what could help a relationship and third party intervention, be it family, friends or the Imam just help organize thoughts and perhaps facilitate communication...which is also necessary.
If they had seen a marriage counselor also , the result might have been different . Marriage counselors get to the root cause of the problem and offer practical advice.
Yes marriage counseling does not work in all the case but in the majority of cases. (For support of this argument click here)
I am not opposed to going to Imam , they can instill Islamic wisdom into both parties , but issue can be deep rooted then not following the tenants of Islam for married life.
I am opposed to going to Just the imam and not exploring other options.