^ You can only stay away up to a limit. It's harder to isolate yourself completely from immediate family members especially when you live with them.
Desikuri,
Sometimes parents need a gentle Islamic reminder. As Mabrook suggested above......you need to talk to your parents about their treatment in a calm and non-defensive tone. If your father is more supportive and understanding than your mom......perhaps you can try talking to him about the situation. Tell your mom "Ammi, I am also your child....your flesh and blood. You didn't pick me up from the streets. Islam encourages just and fair treatment of children. The least you can do is to calmly listen to my side of the story when my brother and I get into an argument. Siding with your son all the time is not going to do him or you any favors in the long run. As a mom, it's your job to be fair. If your son is wrong......he needs to be punished. We're all responsible for our actions....including parents.....as Allah is watching everybody."
^ Thats not gonna work the mentality is decades old no one sentence and Islamic reminder is gonna change that. Seriously go ahead try it desi kuri, your mom will still support your brother. Thats how it is thats how your MOM was brought up she has this mentality all her life its hardwired in her brain... the best thing to do is just be calm.
[QUOTE]
"Ammi, I am also your child....your flesh and blood. You didn't pick me up from the streets. Islam encourages just and fair treatment of children. The least you can do is to calmly listen to my side of the story when my brother and I get into an argument. Siding with your son all the time is not going to do him or you any favors in the long run. As a mom, it's your job to be fair. If your son is wrong......he needs to be punished. We're all responsible for our actions....including parents.....as Allah is watching everybody."
[/QUOTE]
desi children cant talk to parents lik ths way .... tht wil b consider as batameezi ... :p
i ges i am really really sensitive, cuz even little things get me down, what u sed about my dad, my dad had a fit 2 yrs ago which caused him to have depression so its hard to talk to him, dont want to stress him out.
Probably your father's illness is troubling you and have made you sensitive too.
yep i do that, i stay in my room all day, watching tv.
That is not healthy either. You need to deal with life head on. Go out there and face the realities of the world. Siblings bicker over small things till they are matured enough. Take this bickering with your brother as a game.
If he is younger pamper him. If he is older give him the respect he deserves. Sickness of your father is impacting your mother's behavior and the whole family. It is hard for her and all family members to deal with his illness . This is also resulting in bickering of you and your brother so try to avoid that and help your mother in taking care of dad and the household chore. You will see that positive attitude of your will have positive impact on everybody around you. Inshallah.
I will pray for you.
^this isn't the first time you've complained about this issue, Desikuri.
Tell me something........is your brother spoiled? Are you seeing any signs of spoiled and self-centered behavior in him? If your mom is INDEED being unjust toward you as you say..............then she'll end up paying a heavy price for it later on. It's not uncommon for the "favored" child to develop into a selfish and inconsiderate adult.....who also disregards the feelings of the parent who has lavished so much attention on him for years.
The only other suggestion that I can give you besides talking about the issue.........is that you try and develop a more positive relationship with your brother.
i think he is spoiled, i gave him a party last yr cuz he graduated, i try to be nice to him, and this is how he repays me. do u have msn? if you do can i have ur msn address plz, thx. i would find it more comfortable talking on there then here. :)
^ Thats not gonna work the mentality is decades old no one sentence and Islamic reminder is gonna change that. Seriously go ahead try it desi kuri, your mom will still support your brother. Thats how it is thats how your MOM was brought up she has this mentality all her life its hardwired in her brain... the best thing to do is just be calm.
Jo baat ghalat hai so ghalat hai. What is wrong is wrong. And as Muslims....when we see something wrong taking place.......we try our best to stop it with our hands. If we can't do that........then we complain to someone who has authority.......and if we can't even do that.........we can at least pray for what is good in our hearts.....and this is weakest level of faith. There were years of deep-rooted jahiliya mentality that had to be uprooted in order for the correct knowledge to be established. Just because someone persists in being a fool by following age-old bakwaas.........doesn't mean that you should ignore it. You try your best to guide someone.......even if it's your own parent.
I'm not saying that confronting your parents will ALWAYS work. But in my experience............sometimes...........it can help. Sometimes......a flicker of a light turns on in the other person's head........that might cause them to **at least **reflect over their behavior if not change it completely.
i think he is spoiled, i gave him a party last yr cuz he graduated, i try to be nice to him, and this is how he repays me. do u have msn? if you do can i have ur msn address plz, thx. i would find it more comfortable talking on there then here. :)
Jo baat ghalat hai so ghalat hai. What is wrong is wrong. And as Muslims....when we see something wrong taking place.......we try our best to stop it with our hands. If we can't do that........then we complain to someone who has authority.......and if we can't even do that.........we can at least pray for what is good in our hearts.....and this is weakest level of faith. There were years of deep-rooted jahiliya mentality that had to be uprooted in order for the correct knowledge to be established. Just because someone persists in being a fool by following age-old bakwaas.........doesn't mean that you should ignore it. You try your best to guide someone.......even if it's your own parent.
I'm not saying that confronting your parents will ALWAYS work. But in my experience............sometimes...........it can help. Sometimes......a flicker of a light turns on in the other person's head........that might cause them to **at least **reflect over their behavior if not change it completely.
Redvelvet im not arguing with you but you make a weak point here, the thing is the people of Pakistan from the babyboomer era are seriously backward. I am very sure that Desikuris mom has probably never read the translation of the Quran so she has no idea of any islamic mentality and thought (the real one) except what she has picked up from the local mullahs or local ladies which can arguably be erroneous. Then comes the point of explaining you parents what is right and what is wrong, first of all they have a Nazi mentality which makes them superior to any logic being put forward to them then chances are they will forget your speech in about 1 day and get back to their normal mentality. You say that you should tell your parents that this is not right, well then in their case they will retort that you are not even suppose to talk back at you parents, and say things like "haaa haiii, Allah mafi tuba tuba, maan baap pey tou ungali bhi nahi uthatey." Yeah these are not some western college graduates (no pun intended desi kuri) These are strict orthodox Conservative humans that are not willing to challenge their paradigms.
^ My argument is not that this strategy will definitely work. But I know that when I present my views in a calm manner to my parents........they will sometimes come around.
To shrug your shoulders and quietly tolerate deep-rooted/age-old jaahil beliefs is no aqal-mand argument either, Pendu. If the Prophet SAWS had adopted this defeatist attitude when dealing with people who persistently and blindly followed the erroneous ways of their forefathers for generations and generations.........Islamic knowledge would not have been established.
^ My argument is not that this strategy will definitely work. But I know that when I present my views in a calm manner to my parents........they will sometimes come around.
To shrug your shoulders and quietly tolerate deep-rooted age-old jaahil beliefs is no aqal-mand argument either, Pendu.
I assure you it doesn't work, the mentality and the pressure from society that "Haa hai logg kya kahain gey" the fear the whole combination of pseudo social status has closed any logical thinking of our peoples. Take for example the Star Plus dramas excellent example of peer pressure! I would say desi Kuri just not to delve in to these matters you're 24 you know better.
I disagree, Pendu. Regardless of whether or not mature communication will have a positive affect on someone is not the issue. When something wrong is being done.....it's your responsibility to say something about it. Why stay quiet and let your parents commit gunnah by following their erroneous beliefs. You do your part in talking to them.......and then you leave it up to them to decide what they should do.
You do your best to guide someone.........and then you leave it to them. Sometimes a bad experience will remind a wayward person/parents of the wise advice/admonishment once given to them.
**** We ALL know that you can't force someone to change their beliefs. BUT.....you can try to talk to them about their behavior. As i said......you do your part.........and then leave the rest to their own individual responsibility.
