Im Not Myself Anymore

Lifestyle Relationships
1

As many you closer guppies know.. I’ve been through some very trying times recently.

This time around..something inside went wrong. I came out of the situation burnt and ugly. I dont know who I am anymore.
My dearest relatinship in the world is with my mom. I love her to pieces. But lately, I cant talk to her anymore. I dont want to talk to anyone anymore. She called to figure out what to wear to a mehdni and it jsut pissed my off so much that I hurt her feelings. I dont feel good about doing this but ugh.. cant she just make her own damn mind up… :teary3:
Everytime I talk to her about my problems.. she takes into a totally old way of thinking (which is wierd because she is more liberal then I)
Then there is Salman… him and I are totally drifting apart.
I know why.. I just rather not post it.. the sad part is.. normally something like this would drive him crazy.. this time around he doesnt even seem to notice.

Work is meaningless… life is meaningless.. Im just walking around in a gloomy dark world doing whats expected of me. playing every role to its fullest and completely empty inside.

From the third person view, my life is picture perfect (alhumdolillah) then why?

fix this…

2

are you spending way too much time going about your routine or are you taking time out to do something that YOU want....hobbies.. do you have any??

are you going through a life change? pregnant? new mom? marital status changes? they all play a part.. and the first two could biologically impact your outlook.

3

suffering from the aftermaths of a miscarriage.
rethinking the person I married.. rethinking all relationships

4

Muniya jhapphie

With your mom, I think it's special of her to call you at times like these, like what to decide to wear. Isn't it the little things that matter? It's okay if you get annoyed at times, you are only human. You know you hurt her feelings, and that realization should lead you to apologize to her, or make it up to her.

You need to also take a breather, and to reconnect. Christmas vacation is coming up so you must have a few days off. Go somewhere else, other than the routine, even if it's just for a couple of days. Give yourself some time to clear your head of all the negative energy that you've been storing there.

With Salman, maybe it's just a phase and it will pass. You guys should have a heart to heart talk, all about your mom and the drifting apart, and how you feel. Try to understand what HE feels in all of this. Maybe he's been storing it up inside him as well? Get him to talk and listen to him, go on a romantic getaway or something :-P

5

**Something I found online.
I think it might help
a bit to look this over.

*Women who miscarry have a variety of reactions to the loss of their anticipated children, with crying and anger common. Such feelings are often a part of the grieving process. Sometimes the loss suffered through miscarriage is made more difficult by others who, perhaps well-meaningly, try to minimize the loss. Such people may assume a miscarriage must be easier for a woman to bear because she didn't carry the baby to term before she lost it. But a woman who loses an unborn child grieves for the future loss -- the baby she will never have -- as well as for the present.

The mourning following a miscarriage also can be complicated by confusion and fear. The woman -- and her physicians -- may not know why she miscarried, and she may fear going through a similar ordeal should she conceive again.

It's also common for people who have experienced loss or trauma of any kind to become angry at God and others, and sometimes even themselves. They may question why it happened to them -- what, if anything, did they do to deserve such pain? Such spiritual questions might best be processed with caring clergy or a therapist comfortable with existential anguish. A quick but not necessarily comforting answer is that bad things can and do happen to people who do not deserve them. We need only look around at the world with our eyes wide open to see that.

I can't say how long it will take for you to regain your footing both individually and with your husband. Grief has its own course to run with each individual. Perhaps it would help to talk with your husband about how you're feeling. Your physician may also be able to recommend a support group for people who have lost babies through miscarriage or infant death.

Peggy Elam
A past president of the Nashville Area Psychological Association, Peggy Elam provides psychotherapy and psychological consultation to help patients achieve emotional well-being. She is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Nashville.
*

Things have their own pace and reasons
for happening although loss of a
child before or after birth is always
such a tremendous grief to deal with for both
people. I'm sure your husband must be going
through equally as much as you if not more.

Some men just aren't as verbal or forward expressively
as ladies. Perhaps both of you should spend some
time one~on~one amidst all the vigorous, monotonous
daily routines. I think it's very normal what you're
going through and what you're both feeling, the only thing
and perhaps the best you can do to overcome it
is to deal with it together. Hope it works out for the both
of you.
**

6

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :wave:

I know the ordeal u went thru was painful, but u came out stronger, not burnt or ugly, it only makes u more beautiful, because it shows ur strenght n courage to deal with t
i kno its hard for u to deal with the miscarriage, but its hard for salman bhai too.. and every1 has their own way of dealing with pain, For example, u may want salman bhai to hold ur hand thru it, but he may want to deal with it alone because maybe he may think that sharing with u will only increase ur pain… maybe in some subtle way u can tell him that its okay for him to talk to u..

U kno maybe ur mom is tryin to distract ur attention from it all by askin u abut these little things.. its her way of helpin u deal with it.. her way of bringing u bak to the world around u… A mother is the only oen who can understand her daughters pain.. trust me on that one.. N believe me u might feel bad for sayin that to her.. but she probably doesnt feel bad that u said that cus im sure deep down inside she knows u said it out of sheer “uljhan” as they say..

You alone arent dealing with the aftermaths of miscarriage love, u must feel alone, ure not, ur hubby, parents all are dealin with it too…

life isnt meaningless sweety when u have people u love the most around u with pair of shoulders to cry all ur woes out on…

jus kno that .. life isnt a piece of cake, but atleast ure blessed with one.

7

Muniya :frowning:

:flower1:[hugz]]]]]]:flower1:

u r allowed to be mean and horrible sometimes yar …its ok…banda apni maan se naheen laray ga to kia gheron se laray ga? it is not the end of the world yara… dont feel so bad …u dont know how mean n horrible i am … :confused: and i regret it later too but its life and this kinda stuff does happen…to every one of us…

i am sure ur moms gona forgive u..maan ka dil boht bara hota hae…just go n give her a hug when u feel better, take her a small gift…trust me she’s ur mom, she knows how tough things r for u right now, mothers can feel it … she wont hold it against u

we all have our horrible moods and phases u r not the only one

whats happenning to u is not something abnormal … so u r not alone…but remember one thing tho yaar…no one is going to come and gather the pieces for u yara…not becoz they dont care…but coz its just not possible for someone else to do it for u…not ur mom not Salman bhai…no one can do it for u…this life is a struggle its no bed of roses…if u let loose and allow urself to keep sliding into the pit of abyss u’ll just keep sliding…so get a grip…its ur life and trust me u have full power, Allah is there to help u…u have to be strong yara, gather urself, be brave :flower1: have faith in Allah and move on… :flower1:

i second what everyone else said above too

and dont lose hope, na-umeedi kufr hay yaar…be brave, gather urself :flower1: and take the first step to set things right…and u will see things falling in place insha ALLAH :flower1: my prayers r with u

8

Muniya

seher has hit some very important points.

I think I can relate to your husband because I have been in his shoes..when you lose a baby, it defintely affects you, but it also affects the father who has lost the baby..

I was bewildered, did not know what i could do to help, make wifey feel better, take away the hurt, grief and pain..and make things right. the feeling of helplessness is a huge factor..

Maybe he is letting you have the time and space to deal with this in your own way because what he has tried has not worked, but he does not understand and feel exactly the way you do. At the same time, maybe not to the level you are, because mothers have a bond that us guys cant really feel... but he feels the loss too, and being a guy..being all tough and all, its very very hard to turn to someone at times like these.

Like you said that from outside all looks fine, it was with me too. I have become the guy among my friends and family who people rely on, just to talk, or to help..they could not understand why or how I could not deal with it myself..there were friends and family who were there when I was down, there were ppl even on this site, ppl like Seher, azkar, Thap, faisal, Muzna, Munni, Xtreme, NYA etc who were there when just needed to vent.

so just imagine, your husband may be feeling all that you are feeling..maybe not to that level, but he is feeling the loss, plus he may feel disconnected and helpless. At times like these...You 2 are each other's best support..both of you are at a loss but have to help yourself while trying to help the other person.

dont let it overwhelm you, take one day at a time and make each day a little better.

Hope this helped

9

Muniya...

I have no experience in such a situation, so pardon my views, if you find them inappropriate.

Other have given good advice, so I won't bore you by repeating those with which I think are great.

Its a difficult situation. For you. For Salman. For your entire family. Everyone is affected. You may feel you are hurt most, because you were the one who was carrying the baby. And you are right.

However, life is like this. It knocks you out of your comfort-zone in a matter of minutes. This is truly a time of grief. Please don't turn it into a time of further turmoil. When you are reevaluating the relationships and the people around you, please try to look at their positives. Look at all the blessings you have. Your family. And most importantly your husband. Focus on their positives.

Find comfort in your relationship with your Creator, your family, your friends and your work. Time will heal the wounds. It doesn't make the pain go away. It just diminishes the wrenching feeling. It always does.

May you have inner peace. Ameen.

10

I wont thank u all.. that wouldnt really express the gratitude Im feeling for you all. Trust me … I’ll say this much..I’ve taken everyones advice and am really trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Like you said.. taking day by day.

Slowly things are getting ‘normal’ but the hradest part for me was holding my premature baby in my arms while it died…and took with it part of me. :teary3: If you guys remember me in your prayers..then remember also my lil angel who gave me so much in so little time.

11

:frowning: oh God, may u find inner peace soon.

12

I'm glad things are getting better Muniya. Just never stop communicating with your loved ones. It's when you stop communicating that most problems arise and existing ones are aggravated.

13

The ppl above me have said it all! SOme great advice
Hope you feel better soon :flower1:

14

All I want to say is that things will get better for u inshallah…until then our prayers are with u :flower1: :kiss:

15

Hope things will be better soon :hug: :flower1:

16

Sorry to hear about your loss, only those who experience it can truly imagine the devistation.

Tell me something, have you considered joining a group where others have experienced the same thing? Perhaps then you can relate your situation with others and they can help support you in what you are dealing with by offering their perspective and support.

Insha'Allah, things will be better. Have hope and do pray. May Allah ease your and your family's pain, ameen. hugz

17

Muniya, may Allah mian help you through this rough patch and make you a stronger person. May He help you find comfort in the loving fold of your family because after all, not anyone knows you best as your family does. I’m sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. Things will get better for you insh’allah. Hang in there and please try cheering up…a smile works wonders.
:flower2:

18

Thank you all.

I dont want to join a group... its extremely hard for me sharing this with anyone...

19

Sehar, Fraudz and Faisal great advice.

~MuNiYa~ please check your PM I'm no good at this sort of advice in public.

20

Take care sister and hope for the best…:flower1:

May Allah help you through this difficult time.