Hi guys
I havent posted for quite while cos everything was going quite well apart from the odd argument every week or so, which is quite normal. But now it has got to a crisis point. Let me update u on the situation.
He loves to have a drink so about 10 months ago he was done for drink driving. He also crashed his car in the same week and the car was a total loss. He lost his driving job and his license but he never lost the booze. He makes me so sick when comes home off his head.
A few weeks ago he started staying out till 2 o clock am and one night he turned up quite early at 9.30 pm. I went to the door and there are 3 police officers accompanying him home. Apparently he had been causing trouble in the park and someone had called them. So hes standing in the drive shouting at these police officers swearing the most disgusting words I have ever heard for all the neighbours to hear. I’ve never seen him that drunk before. The police tell me to try and keep him in the house for his own safety cos some people were after him.
So obviously hes got no job and I’m the only one working and I aslo have to pay his fine of £550 and all his other expenses loan payments etc. On top of that he expects me to fund his booze and skunk habit and I just cant do it. If I do that how can I look myself in the face. It’s totally against my principles. He’s now called his parents back home and told them his version- that i treat him with no respect and he’s leaving me. I didnt bother even defending myself this time I didnt even speak to them cos they know me better than that and shouldn’t doubt me.
So I dont know what hes gonna do. Hes in the other room at the moment.
How can someone be so sweet sometimes and other times be a total a***hole.
I tell you I have lost a lot of respect for him because of this drinking habit, it’s just automatic. When you see your husband totally wasted it’s sickening.
But we were getting along just finetill yesterday when he asked me for money and doesnt tell me what its for. I point blank refuse to give it!
After what hes put me through I still respect him so much more than most people I know would.
I know you’re probably thinking I’m no saint myself but believe me every argument we’ve ever had has been caused by him. I’m more like a doormat.
He keeps saying to me that when he used to earn he used to give me money for whatever I wanted so he thinks I should do the same. But he doesnt listen when I say I didnt use the money on drink and drugs. He doesnt understand that. Plus the fact that were quite hard up at the moment.
He actually cried on the phone to his dad and all cos I wouldnt give him money for his ayashi. I just dont know what to do.
We have two kids as well.
why did ur hubby started drinking??/i mean was he unhappy or wot??U r a very brave woman facing all this situation....why dont u go see a counsellor to top his drinking problem first...when he is being sweet to u discuss wid him that wotever is happening is very bad fer ur kids and dun ruin ur life thinking it would be difficult to live widout him he is just being sweet to use u .....i mean i dont want to be negative abt him but if the situation gets worse tau u n ur kids will be suffering do sumfin!!
I personally believe that you dont have to listen to your husband in practises that are unislamic in nature. Therefore I would not buy him any alcohol. If he insists that he used to buy me things, I'd say I will go ahead and buy him some soda and stuff, but not alcohol. I'd also insist I go with him to do the buying. Then he can pickout any reasonable drinks.
Anyway, he needs help with his addiction, and if he refuses to get it, its not going to be a pretty picture. Who can you talk to in terms of intervention with him? Perhaps a famliy member that is close to him or a good friend? Someone else needs to talk to him because he is refusing to listen to you at the moment.
If worse comes to worse, only you can make he decision whether you want to leave him or not. Maybe some time away will be a better option than just leaving him right away. Perhaps it will cause a reconsiliation later. I'd definately try to meet a counsellor as well, before thinking of such options.
He started drinking very soon after he reached this country. It was all new to him and he thought hed died and gone to heaven. I dont know if you read some of my earlier posts but he also cheated on me not long after he got here. He mixes with the wrong sort of people which is another reason I stop him going out a lot at night.
Well he eventually got me to give him some money and he went out. He said dont interfere in my life and I wont interfere in yours.
He twists things so that I start thinking it might be my fault. He told his parents a pack of lies on the phone. And he told them like that if he goes from this house he'll be nowhere to be found and nobody will ever hear from him again implying that he would do something stupid. Im stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I really think this is it now. The fat lady is about to sing.
Looks like he has a drinking problem that just won't go away, and he doesn't really care that he may lose his family for it. Or that you are just too soft and will always put up with it.
Try to get him some help, and if he refuses you need to dump his a$$ and show him the door.
You are still with him I think we’ve told you so many times you need to get a divorce from this no good SOB! I think you’ve been posting on this forum for a year now w/ the same problems. There is no point in posting every 3-6 months about his drinking/ayashi/gfs etc. when you are not willing to kick the guy out.
Sometimes the most difficult decision to make is the one that needs to be made the fastest.
You seem to be in that position now.
How are your two kids handling this? What impact is this behaviour having on their lives? What is your husband's addiction teaching them?
Are they indirectly learning that it's okay to drink and abuse your family? Are they being brought up to believe that they can behave this way with their future wives or accept this type of behaviour from their future husbands?
You should be thinking about them a lot more than what lies your hubby is telling to his parents on the phone.....
You really need to get away from him... not just for your kids and you but for him. you need to leave him alone and let him figure things out for himself. You should not put your kids through this .... you husband has lost it for noww.... you are the only one who can do any thing... get your kids out of that place. I know this will be difficult to do.... but its for your kids..
Perhaps another thing you can do is send him to pakistan and let his parents take care of him... maybe he will change if he lives in pakistan....
I'm not clear on what your full situation is. But if it was me, I would have left him a long, long time ago. I wouldn't stand for a single lie, a single drink, a single glance at another woman. It seems the situation has gone on way too long and gotten complicated as a result. Can you leave and take your kids to your parents or a friend's place? It doesn't just sound like bad behavior but addiction. Does he apologize and say he won't do it again? You shouldn't have to be a doormat. And he complains that you don't respect him. Obviously you shouldn't. He's not earning any respect, he's not deserving of it. Don't be a martyr. This is your life and it doesn't just happen to you. You make the path for yourself. Decide if it's worth staying in this situation. What kind of role-model is your husband for your kids?
You know how a heroine addict is treated? I'm not a medical doctor but I've heard the addict is kept in a hospital only to give him heroine regularly but in diminishing quantities. And so after a year, his body doesnt need the drug.
Imagine one of your family member is driving and the rest are sitting in the car and the driver needs to apply brakes for a speed braker. If he applies emergency brakes when the car is extremely close to the speed braker, people in the car might get hurt or even become serious if the car was in high speed. A better way to do it is slow down gradually.
What I mean to convey through these examples is that since you think you still have respect for your husband and hence want to stay with him provided he behaves normally, you need to sit him down when he's not drunk and in a good mood, as you said he is when not drunk, and tell him where his attitude is leading the whole family towards.
OPTION 1: You can tell him that you won't be able to pay for his aiyashi at all and cannot carry on ruining yours and the children's lives forever. This situation, if carries on this way, will force you to move away, temporarily say for 2 months, or may be forever.
OPTION 2: You can tell him that you will pay for his drinks(take it as a medicine) but only with a commitment that he will stop drinking one day. That one day has to be decided and there should be a strategy for that you cant expect him to leave it all of a sudden when you are financing it. Have a timeline with mutual agreement and set few baselines. For instance if you both agree on 3 months time when he will leave it eventually after slowly diminishing dosages, have 2 baselines, i.e. end of each month. Keep track of his drinking habits weekly and tell him of his progress when he's not drunk. Get me?
OPTION 3: Save yourself and your kids. If you think he's not gonna drop the habit, leave him. If your husband is driving a car and he's gonna drop it off from a mountain he's gonna take you and the kids along too. So save yourself and the angels.
I think we’ve told you so many times you need to get a divorce from this no good SOB! I think you’ve been posting on this forum for a year now w/ the same problems. There is no point in posting every 3-6 months about his drinking/ayashi/gfs etc. when you are not willing to kick the guy out.