im 22 n still getting bullied

Lifestyle Relationships
21

I understand what you are saying and I have seen those kind , I was very young though , never had to face it. My sister is happy she did not face that either , her MIL and SIL adore her.

Just to put some smile on your face visit this thread:
You will find out that it is a universal phenomenon, not limited to desi world.
http://www.blubet.com/bet/How_to_kill_your_mean_mother_in_law

22

Re: im 22 n still getting bullied

well yeah i knw..hubbies dont listen to their wives in these situations....and this is so irritating....im facing the same prob...with my hubby....so yea i can understand u!

Do it or I'll divorce your mum
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Re: im 22 n still getting bullied

Ignoring a problem never solves it. You need to place yourself in your MIL's shoes and try to figure out the reason why she may be "bullying" you. If she bothers you (i.e. taunts etc.) then you need to talk to her and find out what's bothering her so you can work on that.

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Re: im 22 n still getting bullied

where are our darling bacchay to say that wife has no rights by hubby :chai:

25

I dont think there is any reason for why MILS do this :D I believe its an issue of how they think DILs can never be good enough for their son. If its not one thing, its the other.

'A bit of rough'
26

beleive me..there are plenty who do that..thye just don,t get it…:halo:

27

I agree that she should not be looking in her closet......but that part was for any other abuse (i.e. taunting etc.) because then they def. need to sit down and have a talk.

I am speaking from personal experience. When we used to live with the family, my wife would tell me about her problems/concerns and after listening to her point of view, I would think my mom was at fault. But then I would talk to my mom about my wife's problems (not by saying she said this about you - but in general) and she would tell me her concerns/issues/problems about my wife and that way I would get to hear her side of the story and I would think yea my wife has faults too, she's not an angel either.

My point is that we shouldn't take steps after hearing just one side of the story. Every time there is a problem, we should talk directly to the other party and try to resolve our differences. Is it easy? No. Will there be arguments and crying and what not? Yes :D

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Re: im 22 n still getting bullied

may Allah make things easy for you, there's nothing that you can do about this issue except praying and doing sabar.

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Re: im 22 n still getting bullied

Peace samraali22

If you trust what I have to say and be positive without argument I think I can help you solve your problem!

Now that is a BIG claim to make .... do you want to know sister? Trust me ... I am not going to blame you for anything, rather hopefully with what I have to say it will make you realise the situation.

The idea is "to be one step in-front of your MIL" ... I can tell you how but you need to be receptive to the advice not willing to dismiss it. So are you ready?

Oh ... and please don't think it involves anything strange or convoluted everything I have to say is straight forward and you will be happy, your husband wil be happy and your MIL will be happy the most important hopefully Allah (SWT) will be happy.

30

well yeah sure

31

Peace samraali22

Below is only half of the plan if you think it can work then I'll tell you the rest ...

· Concept 1: The good and the better
§ It is a fact that your husband loves his mother
§ It is a fact that he loves you
§ It is a fact that she loves her son
§ It is a fact that you love him also
§ It is therefore evident that she wants to demonstrate to you that she loves him more than you or wants you to provide for him just like she used to provide for him
§ She may view you not as a wife for your son but as a replacement mother or like a child-minder.
o The good is defined by how much you do for your hubby not in secret not with passion or other things, but simply making him prepared for whatever he has to do. Remember that is the motive of the mother to prepare him. Who is better than a mother at preparing her son? Don’t let it be her. Prepare him before she can tell you to do it.

· Concept 2: The race
§ It is always a race!
§ You need to win the race
§ Predict what she is going to do
§ She will develop a pattern of behaviour every time she comes
§ Analyse this behaviour and try to understand the reason behind it.
§ Before she comes into the house “Seek protection from Allah (SWT)”
§ Using the pattern of behaviour analysis it will help you with the next few concepts.

· Concept 3: Take Control
§ No one is in control of your life except you, this is not a real statement but it is a mental conditioning that you need to tell yourself.
§ Very gradually begin to prioritise your life and when your mother-in-law tries to tell you something, you tell her something first. Say that you are going to do something the topic of what you are going to do HAS to be about “preparing your husband”, but you have two things you need to prepare for. Ask her for help and ask then praise her in that help. Slowly you will find you are the one doing the instructing. She will begin to back away, because she will get more confidence with your “ability to prepare her son”.

· Concept 4: Super Critic
§ Prepare something before hand. If she starts to snoop around ask her “what she is doing” tell her that you will “get whatever she wants” tell her that she “needn’t bother with all the effort”
§ Comment about her appearance. Ask her if she is well and ask her where she got her “nice clothes” appeal to her sense of self-worth, but always include Allah (SWT) in the conversation.
§ When your hubby comes and the three of you are together start to treat him as if he is little boy, [My wife does that to me in front of my mother. It becomes a battle of how much they can treat me like a baby. My wife wins!] Clean an imaginary stain off his collar. Hold his hand, if he shrugs you off then rub his hair and walk away. If he picks his nose tell him he is doing dirty things and give him a tissue. These things mothers ignore but wives when they pick it up makes it seem that mothers have not raised their sons with manners.
§ In fact try to look for more bad habits in your husband and tell him off when his mother is in front of you. This will show that you are “competing” you are “preparing him”.
§ If she says anything, say “yes in a really positive voice”.

· Concept 5: Being a MIL lover
§ You do not have to like your MIL to love her!
§ Love her for being your husbands mother
§ Love her because she has rights over him
§ Love her by making sure your husband gives his parents regular money. It is his ‘Farz’ to give them money, even if they do not ask for it, even if they say they do not want it or need it.
§ Try to ignore her over-protection for her son
§ Try to feel sorry for her for losing her son to you, {because that is how she probably feels}
§ Remember you are both women you have feelings and she does too …
§ This concept will give you a psychological advantage because you are building sincerity in your heart to better the situation. You will no longer feel like a victim of bullying but rather a person who needs to take care of an old woman who can’t control her feelings.
§ Think as if you are a nurse in a mad-peoples home taking care of a very sick woman, but keep this thought private.

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Re: im 22 n still getting bullied

Hey,
Whatever's happening to you cant be as bad as what I'm going through!! I'm getting dissed like crazy on this forum by liars!! My work is being dised like a crazy!! I'm so sorry .. I had no other place to vent ... thanks for listening!

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Re: im 22 n still getting bullied

How many posts are required for posting attachments?

34

LMAO

35

psyah seriously wow :)i will try my best to do all of this but im just worried about the fact that i can also be lil moody at times, thnx alot for the advice really appreciate it:hugz: