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Smokers would go around telling each other that all non-smokers are going to hell.
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You’d send your kids to special “smoker’s schools” and “smoker’s summer camps” so they could be surrounded by other smokers and hear constant lectures on the benefits of smoking.
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Your particular brand of cigarettes would define who you are – and you would despise smokers of all other brands.
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The benefits of smoking, although debated by many non-smokers, would be common knowledge to all smokers because they read it in the Smoker’s Holy Scriptures.
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Smokers would get together on weekends to have intense smoke-outs, where everybody lights up and blows smoke in each other’s faces.
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A smoker who was punished for not quitting would be the hero of all smokers.
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Smokers would be outraged that they can’t smoke in public places, like schools and courtrooms.
-
Smokers who die would be given a good smoker’s funeral, with everyone tossing their butts on the coffin. Death would never be attributed to smoking. It’s always “It was his time to go.”
-
Smokers would be forever looking for signs that smoking is really good for you, despite all evidence to the contrary. Everytime a smoker survived a car crash – or came out of surgery – or gives birth to a new baby smoker – all the smokers cry “Heleluyah/Alhumdulilah! Smoking is great.”
-
Smokers would insist great miracles happened long ago to smokers, but nowadays smokers only have Joe Camel in the tortillas and piss-stained underpasses.
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Smokers would insist non-smokers are closed-minded bigots because “everyone has to chew or smoke on something.”
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In fact, smokers would insist that “everybody believes in smoking” and those few people who don’t smoke are merely fooling themselves into believing they’re non-smokers.
-
Smokers would contend that all people are naturally born as smokers, and non-smoking has to be forced upon you or drilled into you by the anti-smoking media campaign.
-
Smokers would profess disbelief that anybody could find meaning in life without smoking.
-
In the Smoker’s scriptures, the Garage of Eden offered every single brand to Adam and Eve. The were kicked out for trying the nicotine patch against the wishes of God.
-
Smokers would claim non-smoking is unnatural, therefore smoking is the right way.
-
When confronted that no animals smoke, they would respond that smoking makes us unique since we have conquered fire, therefore smoking is the right way.
-
Smokers insist that the world was created for smokers – even though the cigarette is barely a hundred years old.
-
Each brand’s addicts would call the other groups non-smokers because smoking the wrong brand is essentially the same as smoking nothing at all.
-
And those that smoked a less popular brand would declare that their taste was superior and the fact that they smoked the same brand as their parents was a total coincidence as they freely chose it on the basis of its infinitely superior taste.
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Pascal’s Airport Wager: everybody should smoke on the way to the airport because, quite possibly, the airport will have a smoking lounge and you don’t want to be the only person left out of the lounge because you’re not smoking. If there turns out not to be a smoking lounge at the airport afterall, what the hell, you’ve had the pleasure of a few cigarettes on the way to the airport.
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It would not only be legal, but a socially acceptable norm to burn both scripture and the flag so long as they were being used to wrap tobacco.
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The irritability that comes from nicotine withdrawal would be used as a sure sign that one had strayed from The One True Inhalation.
-
The story of Creation would start, “In the beginning there was darkness. And then Smog said, “Let them light up!””
-
Satan would have been cast out for supporting a cannabis grower’s co-op.
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
twisted
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
You'd send your kids to special "smoker's schools" and "smoker's summer camps" so they could be surrounded by other smokers and hear constant lectures on the benefits of smoking.
Your particular brand of cigarettes would define who you are -- and you would despise smokers of all other brands.
The benefits of smoking, although debated by many non-smokers, would be common knowledge to all smokers because they read it in the Smoker's Holy Scriptures.
.......................................................
The story of Creation would start, "In the beginning there was darkness. And then Smog said, "Let them light up!""
Satan would have been cast out for supporting a cannabis grower's co-op.
:) T*he complete code of life*, Great work fellow...
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
Creative and indeed Awesome........LB
**
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
wow! awesome!!
everyone should read this 
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
Unsurprisingly, would resonate amongst the atheists...
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
You'd send your kids to special "smoker's schools" and "smoker's summer camps" so they could be surrounded by other smokers and hear constant lectures on the benefits of smoking.
Your particular brand of cigarettes would define who you are -- and you would despise smokers of all other brands.
The benefits of smoking, although debated by many non-smokers, would be common knowledge to all smokers because they read it in the Smoker's Holy Scriptures.
Smokers would get together on weekends to have intense smoke-outs, where everybody lights up and blows smoke in each other's faces.
A smoker who was punished for not quitting would be the hero of all smokers.
Smokers would be outraged that they can't smoke in public places, like schools and courtrooms.
Smokers who die would be given a good smoker's funeral, with everyone tossing their butts on the coffin. Death would never be attributed to smoking. It's always "It was his time to go."
Smokers would be forever looking for signs that smoking is really good for you, despite all evidence to the contrary. Everytime a smoker survived a car crash -- or came out of surgery -- or gives birth to a new baby smoker -- all the smokers cry "Heleluyah/Alhumdulilah! Smoking is great."
Smokers would insist great miracles happened long ago to smokers, but nowadays smokers only have Joe Camel in the tortillas and piss-stained underpasses.
Smokers would insist non-smokers are closed-minded bigots because "everyone has to chew or smoke on something."
In fact, smokers would insist that "everybody believes in smoking" and those few people who don't smoke are merely fooling themselves into believing they're non-smokers.
Smokers would contend that all people are naturally born as smokers, and non-smoking has to be forced upon you or drilled into you by the anti-smoking media campaign.
Smokers would profess disbelief that anybody could find meaning in life without smoking.
In the Smoker's scriptures, the Garage of Eden offered every single brand to Adam and Eve. The were kicked out for trying the nicotine patch against the wishes of God.
Smokers would claim non-smoking is unnatural, therefore smoking is the right way.
When confronted that no animals smoke, they would respond that smoking makes us unique since we have conquered fire, therefore smoking is the right way.
Smokers insist that the world was created for smokers -- even though the cigarette is barely a hundred years old.
Each brand's addicts would call the other groups non-smokers because smoking the wrong brand is essentially the same as smoking nothing at all.
And those that smoked a less popular brand would declare that their taste was superior and the fact that they smoked the same brand as their parents was a total coincidence as they freely chose it on the basis of its infinitely superior taste.
Pascal's Airport Wager: everybody should smoke on the way to the airport because, quite possibly, the airport will have a smoking lounge and you don't want to be the only person left out of the lounge because you're not smoking. If there turns out not to be a smoking lounge at the airport afterall, what the hell, you've had the pleasure of a few cigarettes on the way to the airport.
It would not only be legal, but a socially acceptable norm to burn both scripture and the flag so long as they were being used to wrap tobacco.
The irritability that comes from nicotine withdrawal would be used as a sure sign that one had strayed from The One True Inhalation.
The story of Creation would start, "In the beginning there was darkness. And then Smog said, "Let them light up!""
Satan would have been cast out for supporting a cannabis grower's co-op.
LOL... would have taken me ages to come up with this.... awesome
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
gold leaf only
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
Ugh...the analogy fails when you use words like 'hell' or 'holy scriptures'...
Re: If religion were Cigarettes
no, DunHill !!..
ps: very good read..!!