Re: If everything really does happen for a reason?
Well it’s your friend’s fault that she got so “attached” to this rishta without even interacting with the guy, as you say. And I think that as her friend, you need to find a tactful way to tell her that…so she doesn’t make the same mistake in the future.
1) She can’t decide based on a picture…and only one meeting of a couple of hours…that he’s the right person for her. Now she might argue that the guy was able to base his decision to marry the other girl after one meeting…but u don’t know that for sure. He may have known and liked her from before. And just because he chose her over him…after one meeting…doesn’t necessarily mean that it will be a good marriage. It might, it might not. It just wasn’t meant to be for her. Would she be happy getting married to a guy…who is not attracted to her? I don’t think so. She would be “settling”…and she should have higher standards for herself. She SHOULD want to marry someone who truly WANTS to marry her. If she’s going to sink into depression over a stranger…then that could be indicative of a self-esteem issue.
2) Attraction is a complicated thing. Maybe it was more than just your friend’s looks that didn’t appeal to the guy or his family. Perhaps he didn’t feel a spark or thought that their interactions lacked chemistry. Now you can defend your friend all you want and say that she’s a really nice girl, very friendly, super funny, very educated and smart, and can cook and clean and sew, etc etc. BUT…that still doesn’t mean that the other person will feel an attraction for her/her personality. Maybe he really liked the other girl as a person.
**3) **Who gave the reason for rejection (her weight) ? Was it the guy’s parents (mom/sister, etc) who told your friend that she’s being rejected because of her weight? How can you be 100% sure that the guy’s family is even being honest? How can you be absolutely sure that the guy wasn’t interested in some other girl (such as the one he’s now engaged to)?
***Also, the rejection came from the guy’s parents (usually a female like the mom, etc). You don’t have a 100% guarantee that it involved the guy’s opinion. For all you and your friend know…the guy’s mom and sister might have felt that she was unsuitable due to her weight…and he just wasn’t interested because of some other reason. And his mom just told you whatever she felt…and either had no idea how her son felt or just didn’t want to mention it. The parents could have rejected based on looks and the guy could have rejected based on something totally different…and so she (ur friend) may not be getting the entire picture.
Do you see what I’m trying to say here? Your friend doesn’t live with the guy and his family. She didn’t witness what happened after they left her house and discussed matters…she has no idea about the details behind that rejection. And you know what? She’ll **NEVER **know. And that’s what she needs to understand. That she’ll NEVER find out, so it’s pointless to even dwell on the matter when she could be spending her time in more positive ways. She can contact the guy and ask him why he turned her down…but that would be awkward for both parties and there still won’t be any guarantee that he’s going to be 100% honest. So the whole question of “I seriously want to know the reason for this”…is not going to help.
You can hold her hand and nurse her bitterness by agreeing with everything she says, but I think she needs to be told where HER fault/s lie. People have the right to reject a potential rishta provided it’s done tactfully…and I will say…that the guy’s family could have handled it differently.
Aww thank you so very much for such a detailed and helpful reply.
See what i am saying here is not what i m saying to her. I am doing my best to get her out of this negativity by making her understand that things happen and one has to take them and move on. You can’t challenge other person’s right to choose what they want to no matter how absurb it may seem.
She found out the reason for rejection thru the rishta wali aunty who told them that this is what the guys mother said but she herself was left confused cuz she also didnt see anything FAT abt the girl. Khair in the end she said this family just has too much expectations which was ok but now that my frnd saw the girl they finally selected she feels shattered. I dont think its a case of insecurity cuz she is a very confident girl dont know why she just got stuck at this. Thats precisely why i feel all the more bad for her cuz she is sane girl, not someone who is dreamer n would go all filmy at such situations.