Bush’s concession speech if he had lost the election:
“Well, I can’t believe Karl Rove, Diebold, my brother Jeb and my Supreme Court buddies all failed me, but here I am, caving in to the commie Democrats. But my fellow Americans — all is not lost. As y’all know, I own Eyerack lock, stock and oil barrel and I can do what the hell I want with it. So, I’m declaring myself President of Eyerack and resigning the Presidency; effective immediatorily. I’ve talked to the new President and John’s agreed to sell me and my buddy Dick all the so-called ‘red states’ for a dollar fifty each. So, now all you Republican States are gonna be part of the new United States of Eyerack, of which I am your new President for life. My first action as President of the United States of Eyerack will be to kick them dumbass Brits out. Hell, they never got with the programme anyways and I’m gonna replace them with them sonofabitches from Ohio who lost me the f****ng election.
(Note from Karl: We attack Syria in the morning). God bless America and Yeeeehawww!”