Re: If after marriage...
"Why?
"For how long?"
"What else would I be doing?"
But mainly, "Why?"
Then I would LISTEN and determine what is best based on the thoughts/feelings of my partner in life and my own.
Re: If after marriage...
That's not acceptable Reha. Men need to be held to their promises. That mindset is what allows guys to get away with their stupidity in our culture.
so if a guy said that he will allow girl to work and later has problems with that, should he go to jail? what kind of "enforcing" are you looking for?
"thing" build on guarantees and promises can be a contract but hardly a relationship.
If there is something important that was a deal maker/breaker at one time, it still is, unless I have since changed my perspective. It's not about contracts, but it's about understanding and respecting the other individuals desires, ambitions, needs and perspectives.
Re: If after marriage...
so if a guy said that he will allow girl to work and later has problems with that, should he go to jail? what kind of "enforcing" are you looking for?
"thing" build on guarantees and promises can be a contract but hardly a relationship.
He wouldn't be able to "allow/disallow" the girl. Unfortunately, he doesn't own her.
If he has a preference, and then changes his mind, he should be prepared to deal with the consequences that will be serious marital discord.
Re: If after marriage...
And if ur r really willing to believe that he can't "allow/disallow" anything then u too should be ready for the serious marital discord it entails.
If the "ur not the boss of me" thing didn't work in ur parents house don't expect it to work here either.
Re: If after marriage...
What if after marriage you find out you cannot work and raise family at the same time?
Re: If after marriage...
And if ur r really willing to believe that he can't "allow/disallow" anything then u too should be ready for the serious marital discord it entails. If the "ur not the boss of me" thing didn't work in ur parents house don't expect it to work here either.
Eh? Is your husband your boss?
I want to marry a partner. Work together towards better solutions to meet as many needs as possible and compromise consciously, not impose desires while taking the other person for granted.
Re: If after marriage...
PCG, people change with circumstances. What is unacceptable to you now may not seem so unacceptable years from now. Likewise, what is acceptable to you now may not be acceptable later. You can have a million expectations for yourself and meet them all but you can't hold someone else accountable for not meeting your expectations for them. That's just how life is.
Re: If after marriage...
No what I mean to say is if uv discussed it for days/weeks/months on end and for whatever reasons (not just to keep u within the confines of the house) he still thinks that u being a stahm or stah wife is the way to go r u willing to just say no and that u will still work?
Thats what I mean by a final allow or disallow stance. The same way it may have worked in ur parents house, after ur done with all ur reasoning and they still say no, "but why" "because I said so!" doesn't that happen there too?
Re: If after marriage...
For me reading the parts where some women think the whole world will change just because it is their wish..
...is very amusing. :)
Re: If after marriage...
Eh? Is your husband your boss?
I want to marry a partner. Work together towards better solutions to meet as many needs as possible and compromise consciously, not impose desires while taking the other person for granted.
....and so help me God
Re: If after marriage...
No what I mean to say is if uv discussed it for days/weeks/months on end and for whatever reasons (not just to keep u within the confines of the house) he still thinks that u being a stahm or stah wife is the way to go r u willing to just say no and that u will still work? Thats what I mean by a final allow or disallow stance. The same way it may have worked in ur parents house, after ur done with all ur reasoning and they still say no, "but why" "because I said so!" doesn't that happen there too?
"because I said so" worked with parents when I was younger. It doesn't anymore, and wouldn't with the partner. That is not to say I will fight tooth and nail at every decision. There's lots I personally don't care about (right now, in my single life) and happy with any decision. Certain other things are important.
If the conversation is lasting weeks/months, I am sure the person would have genuine concerns. I would want to discuss those and see if any other solutions are possible. If nothing is absolutely possible and the problem is that big, then it would be a conscious compromise. But other than kids and elderly/severely sick parents, I can't think of any other reasons.
Re: If after marriage...
For me reading the parts where some women think the whole world will change just because it is their wish..
...is very amusing. :)
Your old fashioned view of the opposite sex, of which you have no right over or power over, is amusing.
Re: If after marriage...
Divorce.
Re: If after marriage...
Your old fashioned view of the opposite sex, of which you have no right over or power over, is amusing.
Its as modern as it can be.
Majority women even in so called modern day do not proscribe to many childish and 'oot pataang' dreams/wishes...which wanna be liberals keep talking about...in various threads.
I am all for freedom of women from men and MIL's who are plain and simple mean and jerks.
But that does not mean women should stop following simple logic and start painting future scenarios..which is all made up..and then start getting riled up. :)
My question was very valid: What if the woman hersef finds she cannot keep her feet in two boats herself?
If she will leave the job herself after reality hits her, that will be fine and dandy, but God forbid when husbands says, .............oh the hell break lose.
Re: If after marriage...
Anything in life can happen, you do your due diligence and move forward from there. There will be things that are non negotiable and try your best that you discuss these before hand, others you will have to compromise on and make sure you yourself are aware of these things. After that there is risk and luck regarding life, you will have to take that chance. At least you will have the peace of mind knowing you tried to make the best decision there is.
Re: If after marriage...
PCG marriage is such a beautiful relationship. Don’t pull up all these negative scenarios destroy the marriage. You need to experience before assuming things.
Just prepare yourself being a nice wife and expect the same from your husband, Husbands are not Evils. So are not MIL, FIL, SIL BIL etc. They are humans same like us. Good or Bad behaviors changes attitude of the people around us.
I wish you all the best. I am sure you deserve the best.
Re: If after marriage...
you have asked all the appropriate questions, looked for every red flag possible, done your homework and your due diligence in seeking out a sincere guy and family that are supportive of you...and then you find out after marriage they are now asking you to drop your job...
how would you react to it?
would kick him where it hurts most..
[QUOTE]
As in WHAT WOULD THE WORDS BE THAT WOULD COME OUT OF YO' MOUTH.
[/QUOTE]
you sun of a beach..
That's what you wanted to read. Right?
Re: If after marriage...
I've seen families pull a girl out of her career after false promises prior to marriage. It's actually VERY common. And a lot of women give in because of stupid bribes. My cousin was forced to leave her job, otherwise they were gonna keep her baby and kick her out of the house. This was in Pakistan. Naturally, for that to happen in other countries isn't so easy, because other countries actually offer justice in the court, but it happens. I know a bunch of professional girls who once upon a time had great careers, now sitting at home, at mummy in laws insistence.
Are you making up stuff? How can you possibly know enough families to have seen every conceivable scenario firsthand?
Re: If after marriage...
you have asked all the appropriate questions, looked for every red flag possible, done your homework and your due diligence in seeking out a sincere guy and family that are supportive of you...and then you find out after marriage they are now asking you to drop your job...
how would you react to it?
As in WHAT WOULD THE WORDS BE THAT WOULD COME OUT OF YO' MOUTH.
PCG, if you start thinking of what if's, there is no end to it. One thing you need to remember is that the actual marriage is very different from what you might have in your mind. Some things will go according to your plan, some won't. You just have to make the best of the situation.