If after marriage...

[diwana]

Re: If after marriage…

@Jasmine_Tea

Your question is definitely valid. Let me explain why it is this way.

We have seen enough of society enforcing their expectations on men and women to be a certain way. (For the purposes of this post, I am excluding the expectations on men - which by the way doesn’t work as a counter argument to my point below, if anyone is so inclined.)

It happens in situations as simple as “you’re a girl, go serve dinner and make chai” while the perfectly capable brother sits there. That of course doesn’t happen in every family, but it is very common. Whereas the girls are also taking on traditional “male” responsibilities.

The expectation, even if latent, that a girl would value the kitchen and her husband + kids/serving people above all else is what feels like an imposition because of the history of women not being allowed to have an identity outside of the home.

If you look at the middle class Pakistani society, women who ARE working outside of the home, are still expected to take care of majority of the home stuffs - at best a latent expectation. It isn’t all that better in North America either. It is not about being able to “work outside”. It is about being able to choose what they want from their lives.

This is why any of it to be the woman’s decision is important. You want to believe that you have control over your decisions. When someone/society expects you to value for yourself what it thinks women (and men) should value, it keeps you from being your own person. In the case of a woman not liking her husband telling her to quit her job (especially without a good reason) is the imposition of those same expectations/values that the person may or may not have chosen for herself. Even if she has chosen them (which many women do regardless of if they work outside of the home or not), the decision has to be hers to make up for all those ridiculously potential-limiting expectations.

Now, if one is to choose it for herself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It stops being potential-limiting at that point.

Is it clearer why some of us are sensitive to that? I will be more than happy to explain further if need be.

I would hope for the parts of the society that don’t recognize this sensitivity yet to become part of the solution, not the problem.

I summarised all f that by saying that roles need to be assigned first.

Then if the legitimate need arise roles can be interchanged.

Yu could have spared yourself and readers by simply acknowledging that.

No, it is not fair to bash men for telling the woman what is the reality.

Women who think they should do what men are expected to do are really not very smart.

All they do is to burden themselves with extra responsibilities which is not at times needed.

Just o show she can do whatever the heck she wants to do and expect men to feel sorry for them is like trying to have a cake and eat it too.

Only lazy men would like women to work when they can earn enough bread and butter for their families.

Remember:** Women working for their own satisfaction is a privilege not a right if men can provide the necessities.**

I know women who work to help pay the bills along with their husbands.

But then I know women who just want to work and work to pay the bills of baby sitter or a cook etc. Got it?