Girl:
1- Educated, respectful and has a decent job.
2- Lives with parents and is the sole earner in household so barely makes ends meet.
3- Has little support from other siblings due to de facto bans from their spouses.
4- Parents are non-citizens so medical bills and related debt keeps her up at night which have given her some stress related issues of her own.
5- Madly likes the boy.
Boy:
1- Highly educated, great family background and has a great job.
2- Totally likes the girl and is certain he cannot find a girl who will love him more.
3- Is sure girl’s parents will live with him after marriage as they have nowhere else to go.
4- Is sure this will be a financial disaster waiting to happen due to girl’s parents’ health.
5- Thinks he can find another girl who will not have all these responsibilities.
Do you guys think this guy should pursue this girl?
If you are certain that you won’t find someone who will love you more than she does…then that in itself is a huge blessing…so don’t let her go for worldly/materialistic reasons. God forbid if you had ailing parents who had to live with you, your wife would have to deal with them. And a wife who sincerely loves you will have regard for your parents as well. You have no guarantee for the future. You could marry a girl without all these responsibilities and something could happen to her…or her parents …or even you…that could incur huge bills. Not everyone is so lucky to have their feelings reciprocated. So if you have that…and if you know them to be sincere…then be her Sahara/support and gain Allah’s reward as well. So, I say pursue her…but as to the outcome …(whether it results in marriage or not)…that’s up to Allah. Just my 2 cents.
I thought you had a wife and newborn, are you abandoning them or is this a situation with a friend? or is this she should wear islamic clothes be obedient and a maid while I go to play?
From point no 2, it seems, boy is thinking more of girls feelings than his own. Something he cannot be sure about. May be part of being madly in love is finance.
There are not many people for whom I will be willing to accept a financial disaster. Ideally finance should have no bearing on a relationship, but sadly, it does for most.
I agree mostly with redvelvet, but allow me to be the devil’s advocate..
From a numbers perspective, he can probably easily find another girl, whether it be from the home country or somewhere else. If he is super picky about what he’s looking for he shouldn’t leave her..Mind you every new person he meets might have other issues. Some girls have large debts from school, others might not be as religious as he wants, others don’t like dealing with family and he might have issues with that in his future. Somewhere along the line he’ll most likely face some difficulty in the future. When it comes down to it, somethings look good on paper but when you start living with the person and other issues arise throughout life. The fact that he knows what his potential issues might be is a blessing I would say. You can actively save for medical bills and you don’t have to exactly live with the parents you can setit up where the parents are near by.
Either way, its up to him…“but the grass ain’t always greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it”
Did the parents apply for citizenship? If so, where are they in the process? Are they green card holders?
Has the girl reaches her maximum income potential? If they got married, approximately what will be their combined income?
Is the guy’s parents 100% self-sufficient financially? This is different then the guy’s parents living with him. Do the guy’s parents have enough money to pay for all their needs until they die?
If the parents don’t qualify for a decent insurance plan, it’s not a good idea to keep them in US. Health care is insanely expensive and does not give the value it costs. A week on in hospital care in Pakistan may cost 5000 dollars, it may cost 100,000 dollars in US, and that will not be end of care required, sometime leading to huge debts with no end in sight.
You can also negotiate health costs with hospitals and doctors, the price they give it you its usually the ones they give to health insurance companies. If you have no health insurance, some will bring costs down 50% or more..
In the U.S., no need to negotiate during a emergency health situation. EMTALA requires that any hospital that takes any type of government money must provide medical screening and stabilize patients who show up in the ER. Citizenship status/financial ability cannot be taken into account when a person shows up in the ER of these hospitals.
The highlighted parts carry so much weight that they overshadow the rest of them. Now challenges come and go in different forms and shapes. Atleast here he knows whats coming ahead so can find some way around. While in usual life, hurdles popup out of nowhere and its hard to cope up with them.
Having a loving partner is and should be one of the biggest blessings. And if these two are together making good living, the financial matters may not end up as a “crisis”.
Well based on the little info. given, he should find another girl. He doesn’t need a girl that loves him “more”. He just needs someone who loves him just as much as this girl.
On a practical note, love is great and but it’s just one component of a happy marriage. Not every marriage is a happy one. Talk to any family law attorney or therapist that does couples/marriage counseling about the reasons clients come to them. Finances/money is one of the leading causes of divorce. So your friend really needs to think about what kind of life he wants to have years from now and what kind of life he envisions his children living. And then decide practically what are the odds of him getting that life with this woman and her parents by his side.