I would like to share with u something that is happening to me right now and I was wondering how you would react or feel in the same situation. Basically there is a guy whom I got to know very recently about two full months now. He is a gora convert to Islam, very knowledgeable in not only his previous religion Christianity but now also in Islam. He has a very high education and owns his own IT company. He speaks about ten different languages and is an absolute gentleman. He has learnt the Quran by heart and is not willing to date any girl without the full intention of getting married to her. Now the situation is that I am totally in love with everything about him and there is some weird aura about him that makes me want to be with him, I’m drawn to him, BUT the big BUT is dat I dont actually fancy him at all. How weird is that??? Ive always been a firm believer in that there’s got to be some attraction for a decent relationship, so how come I’m feeling like this??? He is totally into me and says he wants to be with me, but I’m confused bout how I feel! :khums: Help me with this part n then I have my next question already n waiting for u.
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why dont you fancy him may i ask...? :)
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Yes it's very weird. You should pass his contact to other nice girls who are looking for a rishta, unn ka bhi bhala ho jaye ga aur aap ka bhi. Btw, are you from UAE?
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***Physical attraction is very important for a relationship........He may be the complete package and a lovely person but if ur not attracted to him , it doesn't amount to anything all his other credentials.
Now having said that , you need to look into why it is that you do not fancy him ....is it physical appearance or some character trait that puts you off ?
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OK before U all start hating on me for why I dont fancy him here is another long post bout why......
So here is the thing, that he is perfect n all but he comes from a race that my family are very racist towards. Cant blame my family cus they have had a few bad experiences with this other race that this guy is from. Basically the guy is Black n from South Africa, well his grandparents are anyway, he is born in the UK. But only I know not to put all kaalai in the same boat and that there are some very decent, educated and respectable kaalai in the world. Anyway this guy comes from a highly educated line of descendants. His grandfather was in Army,his Father is a pilot in the R.A.F. his Mum is a Nurse, his brothers n sisters are all doctors and solicitors etc.
The thing is Ive grown up with a very negative image of black men and thats why I never thought anything of him for the 8 months that I’d known him previously until just one day he happened to be speaking to a group of us when he started telling of his conversion to Islam, n slowly the group of goray that we were sitting with started moving away n doing their own thing, simply cus they weren’t interested. I on the other hand was fascinated and continued listening to his story for a good few hours. So when he was telling me his stories, I shared some things of my own and just from then on started meeting up every now and then to learn more about each other n so thats how my feelings have grown. But now the question is what to do, cus I think u might understand about the way my family would feel if I told them I had met someone perfect on paper, but that he is a Kaala. You know wat I mean right? I have even been told by my goree n indian friends to be careful, cus at the end of the day he is still a kaala apparently n not to trust them ever!!! Hmmm if they are telling me that then imagine what my family are gonna tell me.
Hareem I have already done that, Ive introduced him to a Turkish girlfriend of mine whose parents are very liberal and would accept him whole heartedly, but tho he has become friends with her, he still wants me, Oh n Ive even told him about my racist family but he doesn’t care, he says he has a lot faith in his Allah. Bless him,lots of good reasons to love him, n I do, I just dont fancy his looks, y I feel like I'm being judged for that?
Sheyn , no def not character traits or anything, in fact he overwhelms me with his wisdom and worldliness (if thats a word) like he has travelled the whole world, he used to be the director of Epson for the whole of Europe n America for more than 15 years. Just thru his dealings in running his businesses, he has learnt more about the English legal system than any law degree holder. In total he is jut wow. But like I said I never been into kaalai guys ever before. I'm thinking maybe its too soon to be thinking of having a relationship, maybe just go with the flow n u never know wat might come of it. I'm gonna wait to see how I feel wen he goes away for a month n see how I feel. Btw he has asked me to go with him. Omg I would soo love to, but obv not stupid enuff to actually to do so.
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^ hes asked u to go away with him? And he's a religious guy?
How old is he and how old are you?
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^ Just to add, I work in an IT company that his company works in partnership with.
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I'm going to play devils advocate here.
1) Physical attraction is important. Are you and your family going to be okay with kids not looking fully desi? Make sure the situation won't end up being unfair/negative for them. (I don't endorse it at all, but we can't change the fact that this particular race isn't looked upon very highly in our culture/community)
2) What do you mean he wants you to go with him some place in the future? After marriage?
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Hey one of my posts got deleted ^
Basically it read that Sorry to confuse but no, he did not ask me to go away with him on this occasion, he just said like one day sometime, u know what I mean? And about his religiousness, well I'll be honest n say I dont know, all I know is I have heard him read a few bits of the Quran by heart n he sounds really good n I know he goes to mosque an attends Jummah regularly, but apart from that I dont know, cus its not like Ive started going out with him or anything.
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u said he is a gora convert ...then you say he is kaala convert??
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Princessjojo, Yeh after marriage or even after we've known each for a while. Obv he hasnt had da strict upbringing that we have so he must think its ok, I dunno, but Yup those things bout the future kids n that is whats stopping me from wanting to carry on being friends with him, cus one im not sure if its possible for a girl n guy to be JUST friends wen its clear that one def has stronger feelings. and two everything u've said is something that cannot be taken lightly n will need to be thought about in much detail. Thats why Iam seriously thinking about just not contacting him from now on, cus I know the more I meet him, the more it will b harder for me to forget him n just carry on like nothing happened. I know this will upset him loads, but wat choice do i have? better to let go now than to regret later right?
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NomiCA Kaalai are like goray except different skin colour?
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Religious, kind, caring guy etc etc
Isn't willing to date any girl unless he is serious about marrying her? He asked you to go away with him?
Something isn't adding up here...
Surely if kalai are like goraay except different colour we are just like kalai but different colour? I'm sure your parents will understand your reasoning.
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^ Erm no, He has had a christian upbringing, so just like the goray. Whearas we are a complete diff religion and culture, so we are not like kaalai with diff colour.
This is why I dont think my family would understand.
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You're not physically attracted to him.
Your family won't understand.
Do you think (long term) that this will be worth pursuing?
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^ You know wat your absolutely right on all accounts,n I think wat the problme is that im confusing wanting to physically be with him and just liking his company. I just love listening to all his diff experiences of life and people and travel and culture, which I dont knw nothing about,having never stepped outside of my english town, so yeh I think thats what it is, n im just getting carried away with stupid thoughts in my head.
Sorry about that n Thanx to all you guys for reading n replying. xx
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we all have stupid thoughts... (i have many)... sometimes its just ncie to talk and let it out over here...
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As u have no attraction to him i dont think you should pursue this any further...it doesnt sound like 'love' on your part...if it was u wouldnt hesitate in doing what you need to do...but you are...
is it really worth all the 'hassle' ...ltelling the parents? plotential problems...
personally i think it is nothing more than admiration for the man and you are in awe of him...
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Can you pass on his email/phone number to me 
i always like SA muslims 