Ok, I will admit. I am sick and tired of fighting with myself trying to make sense of things. Religion doesn’t make any sense. The basic aspects of Iman don’t make much sense but at the end, I so want to believe!
How do I bring myself to believe in the idea of hell and heaven, angels, or any of that stuff. I have no peace. Yes, I am ex-muslim. I was born in a Sunni Muslim Pakistani family. I have done my research on pretty much all religions but none of them make much sense.
Does Islam make sense to you or do you just follow it because you BELIEVE in it?
I am desparate for peace but nothing gives me peace. I look at the world and it seems like humans have no respect for the the mother earth. I look at religious people, they have no idea what’s going on outside of their churches, mosque, and temples. I look at athiests, and it seems like another religion/organization in disguise. They are just as clueless as those religious extremists. Then, I turned to science. As much as I love science, it only makes me more anxious. Sure, it provides answers but they lead to more questions and anxiety.
All I want is some peace of mind. I believe in God, and I have come so close to believing in Islam again but then I hear or see something that makes me start questioning again. Since I left Islam, it feels like I have left God. Nothing feels right… I will argue about logic with others but then I am the one at the end who is confused, anxious, and more curious.
I do feel Islam is so much better than other religions. Islam makes a lot more sense than any other religion BUT there’s still a lot that confuses me. I believe in its teachings, but so much that I don’t agree with. If Islam is the true religion then why is Allah so unfair, why there’s so much injustice. Does God want me to believe that this is what his wish is? Whatever I read whether it’s Quran or Ahadith, it seems so man made. It feels like there’s no way it could be from God. How do I change this mentality?
How do I communicate with God without any kind of prayer involved? I go to sleep every night asking God to show me a sign, tell me what is it that he wants from a worthless being like myself? What is my purpose here? What’s the end going to be like? If he’s out there then why isn’t he guiding me? I turn to the holy book Quran and it just doesn’t make much sense. I listen to scholars, and what they say doesn’t even align with the Quran itself. If it’s from God, why there seems to be so many contradictions, or does God wish us to dig deep for the true meaning? Why isn’t it clear?
People who have no faith scare me for some reason. I don’t wish people to lose their faith, I want people to keep believing in God so they have some fear. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I need help. I am thinking of going to Mecca but would this be right?