I Want To Believe...

[USResident]

@Miss_Noland

Ok, I will admit. I am sick and tired of fighting with myself trying to make sense of things. Religion doesn’t make any sense. The basic aspects of Iman don’t make much sense but at the end, I so want to believe!

How do I bring myself to believe in the idea of hell and heaven, angels, or any of that stuff. I have no peace. Yes, I am ex-muslim. I was born in a Sunni Muslim Pakistani family. I have done my research on pretty much all religions but none of them make much sense.

Does Islam make sense to you or do you just follow it because you BELIEVE in it?

I am desparate for peace but nothing gives me peace. I look at the world and it seems like humans have no respect for the the mother earth. I look at religious people, they have no idea what’s going on outside of their churches, mosque, and temples. I look at athiests, and it seems like another religion/organization in disguise. They are just as clueless as those religious extremists. Then, I turned to science. As much as I love science, it only makes me more anxious. Sure, it provides answers but they lead to more questions and anxiety.

All I want is some peace of mind. I believe in God, and I have come so close to believing in Islam again but then I hear or see something that makes me start questioning again. Since I left Islam, it feels like I have left God. Nothing feels right… I will argue about logic with others but then I am the one at the end who is confused, anxious, and more curious.

I do feel Islam is so much better than other religions. Islam makes a lot more sense than any other religion BUT there’s still a lot that confuses me. I believe in its teachings, but so much that I don’t agree with. If Islam is the true religion then why is Allah so unfair, why there’s so much injustice. Does God want me to believe that this is what his wish is? Whatever I read whether it’s Quran or Ahadith, it seems so man made. It feels like there’s no way it could be from God. How do I change this mentality?

How do I communicate with God without any kind of prayer involved? I go to sleep every night asking God to show me a sign, tell me what is it that he wants from a worthless being like myself? What is my purpose here? What’s the end going to be like? If he’s out there then why isn’t he guiding me? I turn to the holy book Quran and it just doesn’t make much sense. I listen to scholars, and what they say doesn’t even align with the Quran itself. If it’s from God, why there seems to be so many contradictions, or does God wish us to dig deep for the true meaning? Why isn’t it clear?

People who have no faith scare me for some reason. I don’t wish people to lose their faith, I want people to keep believing in God so they have some fear. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I need help. I am thinking of going to Mecca but would this be right?

I think you might be surprised to know that many people who really elevate themselves almost always go though the phase you are experiencing. Whats unfortunate is that many don’t recover from it and go astray. I will say one thing for sure, the point where you are at makes you very vulnerable and you will adopt based on the influence you get at this moment. My suggestion, look for clear minded and hearty muslim folk. People who are content and can explain it to you as well. You’re in the middle of an awakening and your not equipped to handle it. You’re on a slippery slope.

Many of the things you are asking, I have asked myself so many times, things far more confusing at times. Even Prophet Ibrahim AS was confused, the Quran clearly relates his story about how many different things he considered to be God but all defied his reasoning.

Given what you’ve written, you’ve already established to yourself that Islam as a religion is superior to other religions. Can I ask you something, how did you arrive at this conclusion?

You know when you really start to understand the fundamentals and principles upon which Islam is based, you’ll go crazy realizing how much in the world is wrong wrong and wrong.

You mentioned quite a few times, how can you communicate with Allah SWT. Logically thinking, you would want to best channel of communication, wouldn’t you. The next thing is can we as Gods creation figure out what the channel of communication is or do we accept that God has told us what it is? Can you come to terms with the fact that Allah SWT gave us the means to approach him but we are busy trying to create other means to replace what He SWT has given us and have gone astray in our quest.

All you see going wrong in the world, let me ask you … didn’t Allah SWT say in the Quran that he made man (or humans) as vicegerants in this world. He SWT gave us the job to keep this house in order and also created distractions for us to lead us away from our job. Isn’t this clearly stated in the Quran. The world is full of tests for us. Remember justice is a matter of balance and compensation. It is our job to establish justice in this world and it is Allah SWT job to compensate us for it. And there are two realms where we can be compensated i.e. in this world or the hereafter.