Re: "I want to be happy in marriage too" Taboo
Wow, a lot of people gave great answers! Although I have not been married, I have been in a very long term and serious relationship. When I met my ex fiance everything was amazing. The connection and chemistry we had was just indescribable. Even years after we were together we would still feel those butterflies. I really hope one day to find that again.
I don't have much to add that hasn't been mentioned. I completely agree with that you need to be happy yourself first. Don't expect that other person to make you happy. People aren't perfect and you will feel let down sometimes. Eventually you start building this resentment that comes from expecting too much and making them responsible for your happiness. Resentment is like poison to your relationship.
But you're right that relationships go through different stages. The initial excitement eventually wears off. Relationships are something you have to constantly keep working on. People get lazy and believe if its meant to be it will magically work itself out. At least some younger people believe that. That is a lie! Sometimes we are left with unrealistic expectations that end up hurting the relationship.
- What is "happy" in a marriage for you? To me a happy marriage would be where both partners focus more on giving than receiving. Its about building a good foundation based on something other than the superficial stuff. Communication is key among other important things like trust, support, compromise and respect. Every person also wants to feel appreciated. If you've ever read about the five love languages it talks about how each person feel appreciated in different ways. We are all unique and the way you feel loved might not be the same way another person feels loved.
Do you acknowledge that getting there is a process and takes time?
I think its not really a process to be happy in your relationship. Its more of going through different stages, growing, and strengthening your relationship.
When does one bail out? Doesn't trying everything mean to give it everything you got, including time and infinite chances?
You give it 100% of your effort but that does not include infinite time and chances. You need to learn when its time to let go, everyone has a breaking point. If someone mistreats you, doesn't respect you, emotionally or physically abuses you, is a constant drag to your spirit, its not worth sacrificing your well-being. I like a quote that says "Don't let your loyalty become slavery." Sometimes the best thing to do is to walkaway and many times its the hardest choice to make. It takes courage.
That is what I've learned. Also, choose the right person not someone emotionally unstable!