I would strongly advise you to appreciate what marriage actually involves. Understand what it is, what Islam says about it, what your parents and friends say about it, what are your responsibilities and duties, how it will impact your life and are you ready for it. The best way to do it is to read Islamic literature, talk to people you trust who are already married and make loads of dua. May Allah make it easier for you.
CM, as long as the girl is a nice Muslim girl, islamically, there is nothing wrong in marrying her.
Of course, parents have a right to express their opinions, but the son or the daughter is also an adult, and s/he is not gonna choose some bad person as their spouse.
In case a girl/guy is a good Muslim who fears God, parents should also come around... If I had a son, and if he is gonna be happy with the girl he chose, as a parent, I would like to come around... after all, as many people said here, he is the one who is gonna live with her for life.. as her husband, and if she is compatible with him and makes him and other people come closer to Islam, like this girl (in ali'30s post) I would rather welcome her..
We should all respect our parents, but why do you have to think that a person we chose for ourselves is bad/worse than the one they choose for us.
I know several couples that a guy married a girl his parents chose for him, and the marriage is a half disaster, because they were not compatible, and they are giving so many worries and troubles to their parents all the time because of that.
They thought at the beginning that the marriage would be ok, not that difficult to marry the one the parents chose for life, but in a reali life, once they started living a real marriage life, they found out that it was tough when they really didn't match for each other or didn't understand each other well.
If this was gonna happen, I would rather want my son (if I had any) to marry the one he chose for himself and lead a stable happy marriage life.
i dont think u need to worry abt what ur relatives r saying but...and pardon me for saying this bro i'm just being honest here...the doubts and reservations u have expressed make it look to me like YOU yourself are not hundred percent sure abt her...r u sure these r not things that YOU are worried abt as opposed to what u think others might say?
do YOU really want to marry her? ask yourself this.
if YES hundred percent, then you should try to convince your parents
i wouldnt advise marrying against parents wishes. but i also think its not right of parents to impose their will in this matter on children who r adults and independent. my parents r not like that n neither were my grandparents as some of my uncles n my own parents have had psand ki shadi...i cant really understand why any parents would wana impose their wills on their adult children.
the guy should also be considerate of the fact that the girl has to live with his family [unless he intends to live independently which i also dont think is right as that amounts to deserting parents]... so if he marries someone whom his parents wont get along with, it too will create problems. but i think if they want to they can and should be able to get along for the guy's happiness. only if they, parents and girl both, want to though. if either one sticks to zidd then that wont happen.
so my advice would be...if you want her, you should go for her and then make sure your parents and her get along which inshallah they will. i believe its all in the guy's hands to make sure that there's peace in the house. a smart guy can handle it right and balance things. and inshallah u r gona be able to do it, have faith in urself :)
ONE thing though...dont commit to her or say anything to her unless u r SURE u can marry her
khair...besta luck bro
It's up to you, but personally I find that I wouldnt do something like that.Fact is I havent.
Sometimes parents just dont agree with you- no matter how hard you try to convince them.Our parents do so much for us- I wouldnt marry somebody who my parents werent happy with.
The happiness of my family is important, and I doubt I would really be happy if I married somebody who they didnt approve of.
Salaam.
irem.... I am usually on a very very calm side, (personality wise) but I was little offended by your post... I know your intention was pure to give me what you think,,, but I do not really want people to doubt my feelings towards someone... Yes, I am 100% sure that I want to marry her, and I came here to ask you guys some advise how to be with her in my life, otherwise I wouldn't even bother to ask....
It's not about her, even if it was my feeling and care for my parents, other friends,,, I wouldn't feel nice if someone doubts my feelings towards them,,,, again, I know your intention was pure,,,, but just wanted to say I was little bit offended...
Actually, I already started talking to them... !!
and like someone mentioned, I am Not talking to marry someone against your parents' wish, I am saying that if they can come around, and they will like her in the end, then, do so.....
Whoever the guy asking hand for my sister,,, my dad didn't like him in the beginning, (as in almost all the fathers of a daughter are.) because he was protective, and he was "no" to everyone at the beginning, no matter how nice a guy was.. But in the end, he chose this guy, and she likes him a lot, and everything is ok now.. so my point is that whoever it is, parents don't wanna let their kids go, and might be against whoever it may be in the beginning,,, especially when a child is a girl) but if that person was worthy, and they will be able to find out about it too, why not?
I gotta go now, but I hope people got what I was trying to say...
salaam to all.
ali
good luck ali :k: inshallah things will work out… do Istikhara..it may help u
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ali30: *
Salaam.
irem.... I am usually on a very very calm side, (personality wise) but I was little offended by your post... I know your intention was pure to give me what you think,,, but I do not really want people to doubt my feelings towards someone... Yes, I am 100% sure that I want to marry her, and I came here to ask you guys some advise how to be with her in my life, otherwise I wouldn't even bother to ask....
It's not about her, even if it was my feeling and care for my parents, other friends,,, I wouldn't feel nice if someone doubts my feelings towards them,,,, again, I know your intention was pure,,,, but just wanted to say I was little bit offended...
Actually, I already started talking to them... !!
and like someone mentioned, I am Not talking to marry someone against your parents' wish, I am saying that if they can come around, and they will like her in the end, then, do so.....
Whoever the guy asking hand for my sister,,, my dad didn't like him in the beginning, (as in almost all the fathers of a daughter are.) because he was protective, and he was "no" to everyone at the beginning, no matter how nice a guy was.. But in the end, he chose this guy, and she likes him a lot, and everything is ok now.. so my point is that whoever it is, parents don't wanna let their kids go, and might be against whoever it may be in the beginning,,, especially when a child is a girl) but if that person was worthy, and they will be able to find out about it too, why not?
I gotta go now, but I hope people got what I was trying to say...
salaam to all.
ali
[/QUOTE]
hey...i'm sorry if it offended u bro. i dont know why that thought came in my mind and i was being honest, if it was my own friend i would have asked the same thing as i always try to give my honest and sincere advice. apologies though if u found it offensive. now that u answered my question i dont think so anymore though...
anyways, best of luck to you
salams,
irem
MaRRy Her
Slap a pair on and marry her.
here
my sis is married to a white guy, he converted, and yes my relatives didn't accept him and they still don't. However, its not their proble, cuz its a bond b/w two ppl, our family is cool with it and I think thats all we need. We all love him to bits, he is really caring and a sweet guy, luvs us as his own family.