not fully. So here’s a cutely little hypothetical situation for you all:
There is a guy named Adam. Adam has been cheated on not once but twice and it completely shattered his world, he finds it increasingly difficult to trust kurriyaan now. Along comes Amaya, she has never been cheated on so she cannot fully empathize with his psyche. She is loyal and monogamous and Adam trusts her but every once in a while he gets insecure and voices his concerns such as: “Hey Amaya, if you ever want to be with another guy, just let me go okay?”.
Clearly this guy Adam keeps his past hurts with him. Amaya tends to get sad when Adam says such things and in turn *she *gets insecure thinking that perhaps she is not good enough to erase the doubts out of this guy’s mind. However, they both love each other etc etc. Adam does say that:
“Even when you and I are married, and have a bunch of kids and are married etc I will never trust you 100%”.
What make you of that statement oh life gurus?
People *are *imperfect and capable slip ups (and vice-versa they are capable of staying fully loyal). People can also really love their SO but still cheat on him/her. Adam says he cannot possibly trust Amaya all the way because she’s capable of doing something bad like that. Is that fair for poor ole Amaya?
Thread derailment -> Maybe I have severe psychological / upbringing problems, but I don't believe in the concept of cheating. Cheating implies there are rules, and that is clearly false.
At any rate, here's a standard response:
The statement Adam makes is insensitive. Even if he feels this way, there's no reason to say something hurtful like that. Adam should get over his past and learn to trust people, and if he can't he shouldn't rush into another relationship. Amaya should stop watching bollywood movies that make her think 100% trust in anyone is even achievable.
Amaya needs to start wearing an abaya. That is the only way to foster and maintain trust. :p
Adam needs to understand that HOW is he ever going to know if he even has something worth trusting/holding on to....if he doesn't loosen up?
Seems like Adam is only thinking about how HE might end up getting hurt. As Nami said, trust is an essential component of love...and if Adam has made up his mind that he doesn't trust Amaya....which also reflects that he doesn't think well of her.....which is disrespectful.........so one could argue he does not love Amaya. That he can't love her if trust and respect are missing. But again, he seems more concerned about his own fragile feelings.....that's pretty selfish. Why put her through that? IF you've made up your mind that any and every woman will screw you over like that.............then why even bother entering a relationship? Why he said, "Even when we are married...."..........it's wrong for him to even contemplate the possibility/notion of marrying Amaya......something that's meant to be long term relationship......when he so fully believes that she can't honor that commitment. It's like he's making a mockery of marriage.
Quiet simply, she isn't the one for him. The one no matter how much a jerk that person is, all issues of trust, love, worry they go right out the window. You can't make yourself the one for anyone either. It's the person's subjective notion that makes the other person THE ONE.
Now in this situation, Amaya can try her hardest to be the perfect little girlfriend, be always available for Adam, carry his little photograph with her always, but unless Adam gets over his own insecurities, she will always be the second best, and there will come a point where the relationship will just fall apart because this relationship is akin to mental torture for her, because no matter what, she can't make Adam trust her. Anything she does or say will be scrutinized, will be second guessed, and no one should be in a relationship like that.
^why would it not be acceptable...it might not be ideal.
Because eventually it would tear you up from the inside until you couldn't handle it. Or not. Depends what type of person you are I guess, but IMHO it wouldn't be acceptable to every single person out there. YMMV
Amaya should try some reverse psychology? Accuse him of being unfaithful…of leaving her down the road…make a HUGE deal if even glances at another woman…heck accuse him of checking another woman out and thinking of cheating when he was only looking at the floor, the ceiling, etc. And see how he likes it…maybe that might get it through to him.
Amaya cant do much to win trust, its all upto adam.If adam cant trust amaya in a years time, how much longer wud it take him to?And for no matter how long he doesnt trust amaya, the relationship will always remain weak.If uncle adam doesnt trust amaya,he doesnt deserve to be with her.Its unfair to amaya, and what if adam is thinking of cheating this time? we never know ,do we.
