After doing my spying and investigation turns out he really does have some family problems!
After talking about marriage and being together for a couple of months etc he started to become distant and moody. I took this as a sign he was loosing interest and felt humiliated.
I asked him whats up many times but would vaguely say he has some personal and family problems, when i asked him to reveal more he used to snapp, many times we argued about this.
I thought he had another girl as when we first met we spoke about completing half our deen - marriage!
So I left him, after all apni jaan piyari hoti hai!
Na Maan dont say stuff lyk dat! im not gonna allow it to hurt me.
Ive left it to Allah (swt) now
Yea there were trust issues and maybe it was me going into overdrive - nevertheless I did not want to chance it - rejection hurts and its sumthing I always avoid
Na Maan dont say stuff lyk dat! im not gonna allow it to hurt me.
Ive left it to Allah (swt) now
Yea there were trust issues and maybe it was me going into overdrive - nevertheless I did not want to chance it - rejection hurts and its sumthing I always avoid
Did he ever tell you he had family issues?...you dont have a genie to tell you wts going on his mind. I wouldnt trust anyone just like that. Trust is earned and it requires communication.
Sounds like you dodged a buttet. If he could not communite openly with you now, it wasn't going to magically change once nikah papers were signed. And the fact that he would rather be left by you than tell you details of serious family problems also says a lot about his level of commitment to you.
On a totally side note. Just because he was not lying about having problems....that does not mean he didn't have another girl on the side.
Bottom line: The lesson learned here should be that you need to choose a life partner who is willing to communicate with you openly and tell you what's going on with him. Becoming distant and moody from your wife (or fiance or serious GF) is not a healthy way to nurture a relationship.
well until the very last second he was saying he does not want to lose me and still intends to marry me - he said the issues he has are very family concerned and hard to talk about and may make me change MY INTENTIONS - so he wants to sort everything out first - i admit i have been a bit judgemental about him and his family.
I said whatever his problems are - he needs to sort it out and we will have to leave it to fate to see what happens.
Atleast my feelings are spared - its his problem to sort out - im not married to him yet so I dont want to get invloved with any of his family headache.
and yea he did tell me he had family issues and now that I think about it I always used to turn the convo back on me and put my own feelings and needs first - i wanted to make sure I was ok and I was not going to get hurt
I kinda dont want him anymore too - the main thing for me in the relationship was MY PRIDE more than anything else - there is sum1 else thats been introduced to me that I think would be better for me - so anyway at least im not at a loss - which I LOVE!
yea and there was alot about me and my fam I would not talk to him about though - just because i've been with him for a couple of months does not mean i have to reveal everything about me to him - there was always a chance it would not work out so I would keep shut.
There is a place, circumstance and time to talk about very serious and personal stuff that you would not tell anyone else to a potential spouse - a couple of months were not it for me - when I felt we have been together a LOT longer and families were meeting then more info would have been given
actually he was going to bring his family to my house too, this was when he was more open and told me stuff and when i told him i needed more time and could not talk about certain things to him yet thats when he got moody
dont mind gulshan if some 1 wants his family to come at yur place u should let him come becoz u said u leave on fate so just on ALLAH if its better for it will happen otherwise ALLAH will give u what u deserve becoz ALLAH knows what best for us :)
and one more i know selfrespect is very imp for every human but never mix self respect with pride or proud or ego becoz in marriage both have to co operat ,understand,sacrifice... INSHALLAH all will be fine ..just leave on ALLAH
Ofcourse I did - i told him clearly that it was going to fast and things were being rushed - he nearly made me talk to his mum and he wanted to talk to my fam - truthfully I think I had more to do with the break up - there is sumthing in him that I dont like - the way he handled things and that fact he was SO EMOTIONAL too - it annoyed me - ok everyone has flaws me included but I am not willing or even that interested in investing alot of emotions and negotiation with sum1 lyk dat at the mo - maybe in the future - maybe never - but NOT NOW - what if I meet someone else who is better
