I ordered my bridal... *LONG Story*

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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So several of you read/gave opinions on the thread where I posted my “dream” bridal dress. For the last 6 months…I had been obsessed with that dress. Also, I always thought I’d go with red/gold during my wedding ceremony/reception.

This past Sunday, my best friend & I decided to go to some local stores to see if they could give me a quote on that red dress. I also wanted to “play” with some bridal dupattas to get an idea about the weight on my head.

We went to 2 stores…and both trips were very dissappointing. Then we went to a store where both of us had bought formal outfits from before. We didn’t say anything about the “dream” dress…but started looking at their bridals b/c unlike the 1st 2 stores, this 3rd store had “real bridals”. While looking…a purple outfit really caught my attention. BFF & I started talking about it…owner said they take custom orders etc…BFF & I left, went to a Sonic across the street (her kids were hungry…lol) and started talking. We decided that I was going to order that purple dress in red. My “dream” dress was going to be too risky to order…plus for whatever reason, both my fiance & BFF didn’t find my “dream dress” that impressive. :hoonh:

I called my fiance and told him to come to that store b/c i wanted his “blessing” before ordering. He came…we went back to the store. He liked it but they were all talking (owner, BFF, fiance)…and ideas started coming out about doing a different color border. Fiance saw another red bridal with orange border and loved it. BFF & owner liked the idea of doing that purple outfit in red…with orange border (I liked it too). Sooo…we decided that’s what we were going to go with. Owner said she’d be right back to take my measurements.

When she left…I showed my fiance a totally diff. outfit we saw earlier b/c it was “diff.” It was a white/silver bridal with blue border that another bride had custom ordered. The second my fiance saw it…he blurted out “OH WOW!” Then he was like “You don’t like this one?!”. Then my BFF adds that she also liked that outfit better than the purple one but didn’t push it b/c I didn’t see too into it. Owner of the store came back…they all start talking again…fiance suggests ordering that white net/silver kaam bridal with orange lining. Everyone falls in love with it.

LOL…soooooo…that’s what I ended up ordering. I went from red/gold traditional to white net/silver kaam with orange lining! So much for me having a plan. My outfit should be here by Christmas. I’m VERY nervous about how its going to look. My fiance & BFF were right in the sense that even though I love the red/gold idea…my wedding (heck my entire life!) is far from traditional.

I’m also scrambling to find ideas on jewelry now b/c gold won’t match with it. My mom’s a bit upset b/c I didn’t order red/gold for reception… sigh…even though I’m wearing HER wedding sari (red/gold) during the ceremony. Guess I can’t make everyone happy. I feel “weird” b/c now I see other bridals differently…since mine’s already been ordered. Please send good thoughts my way…I will have a total nervous breakdown (and willl severely hurt BFF & fiance!) if this doesn’t turn out ok… :hypo:

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Re: I ordered my bridal… LONG Story

actually the white net with orange lining sounds divine and i wanna see picoz :naraz:

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

I can't picture it but I'm sure it will be lovely!

How come your mom didn't come with you?

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Re: I ordered my bridal… LONG Story

LOL…thanks! I’m just worried about the orange showing through. I also changed the kameez totally. The kameez I saw was short…with some kaam. The lehenga I saw was FULL of kaam.

The outfit I ordered…the kameez will be long…full of kaam. The lehenga will be more simple (I’m having matching churidaar’s made for future wear).

Currently I have crappy cell phone pics with me holding the lehenga upto my chest…with a orange satin petticoat under it to try to imagine the “effect”…lol. Once I get the outfit…I may post some partial pics. But definitely after the wedding, I’ll post full pics. :slight_smile:

Thanks! My parents live in a different city (4 hours away). My fiance’s parents live in a diff. state. We (fiance & I) chose to have the wedding in the city we live in…b/c majority of our friends live here and planning will be much easier for us. But the downside of it is that we’re planning every single thing (super stressful trying to do it all within a budget!)…but then again this also means we’re 100% in charge…lol.

I still wanted my parents to feel like they’re a big part of the day. So I decided that during the actual ceremony, I will wear my mom’s wedding sari…in combination with a gold set my dad gave me last year when we went for vacation back home. :slight_smile: Of course…this also saves me $$/stress in having to buy another outfit/jewerly for the ceremony! :halo:

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

White and orange with new, hmm sounds good, it will turn out beautiful inshallah

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

Just a suggestion,you can go for a rustic polish on the gold set given by your dad or whatever bridal set you are planning to wear on your big day to go with your dress or if not gold then a kundan set will look great with white n silver.

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

sounds like fun :) I'm happy that you had your bff and fiance to help you with your choice, that's a hard thing to pick without having your mom around. I hope everything turns out well.

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

Paheli - if you dont mind I would am really intrigued to know how you are making your wedding not so 'traditional'

Really happy you found your dress xxxx

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

the combination sounds so pretty! would love to see it, hope it turns out perfect! :)

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

Mmmmm i cant picture the dress, but i hope it turns out amazing!!!! also VERY cute story :D good luck!!! xxx

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

i'm sure it'll be beautiful! i've seen a white and orange bridal and it looked fab. go with a dull gold finish on your set, or like someone else suggested pearls and kundan possibly. that'll look very elegant. you could also opt for something really modern in look since you're not having a traditional wedding and go with a pearl and emerald set. the green will be a beautiful accent to your white and especially orange outfit.

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

That sounds beautiful!

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

Thanks for the encouraging words everyone! I'm just nervous b/c I also don't know how its going to turn out....lol. And I'm terrible at imagining! But my fiance & BFF has given me outfit advise in the past and they're all "worked out"....so I'm optimistic. :)

Ooohhh....I like your ideas! But see....the outfit has white net.....deep orange satin lining...but the kaam all over is dark silver thread (I don't know if that even makes sense!). I'm going to wait until Christmas when I get my outfit to look for jewelry.... :)

** Inspiron: I'll PM you in a day or two. :)

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

^I wanna know too! Is it b/c your family is a little easy-going? My parents would never let me live in the same city as my fiance w/ them being in another state, let alone together. >.<

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

^^ I'd like to know how you are doing your not-so-traditional wedding too!!! :)

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

Hahaha....what would your parents do? Tie you up, kidnap you, and lock you in your room? ;)

LOL....I didn't want to bore anyone else about my ramblings but sure...but since you asked too, I'll post it here. But to address your specific comment......my parents never "let" me live in the same city as my fiance. Actually....they never "let" me move out b/c I never asked for permission. :) They live in medium sized town that I always disliked. During my senior year in college...I mentioned that I wanted to move out after graduation. Parents didn't take me seriously. But I saved all my $$ from my part time job...and looked for a job in the same state but outside our "town". I found one. 2-3 months before graduation, I told my parents I was driving to my current city (4 hours drive) to find an apartment. Once again....parents didn't take me seriously. Well....I went back from my "weekend trip" with a apartment lease signed by me. :) Mom freaked out....dad said I'll be back after a few months.

I didn't give into my mom's emotional blackmail. At 22, a week after graduation, I packed all my stuff and moved to my new city. Despite being upset....my parents never made me feel any less "loved". They were worried/emotional the 1st few months....but when they realized I was "making it on my own"....they relaxed. Our relationship has actually improved TONS in the last few years.

Today, I'm an adult who has been living on my own for quite a while. I'm not financially dependant on anyone. At this point in my life....I don't "ask" my parents permission for anything. I ask them for advice sometimes....but they're very aware of the fact that I'm simply asking for advice....not permission. It's a very non-desi way of thinking/living life.

And I will also add that I've learned in the last few years what true unconditional love is. It's the love my parents have for me. They're actually quite traditional. But I guess you can say their love for their daughter is stronger than their desire for "cultural tradition". There are times when they're upset/angry/dissapointed at my choices. But to their credit, they have never once made me feel any less welcome in their home...or any less loved. When I hear other parents verbally/emotionallky/physically abusing their children b/c the children don't follow them like robots....or when I hear about parents disowning their kids or honor killings.....I honestly can not relate to it at all. I hope someday I can show my children even HALF the love my parents have shown me. :)

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

All right....so here is what I consider my not to traditional wedding/life:

1) My fiance & I have been together 3 years. 1.5 years after dating, I met his parents. Few months after than, he met mine. Then the parents met...a very formal meeting. There was never any "marriage" talk between the parents. Him & I decided we wanted to get married. He bought me a nice ring...proposed...I said "yes". Next day we called our parents and told them we're engaged.

2) My parents live in a small, boring town so I knew I didnt' want my wedding there. We considered having the wedding in Colorado (where fiance is from) b/c it's so gorgeous there. But soon we found out that would mean his parents controlling the entire thing. Plus my parents are poor (and I mean that literally...I grew up poor) and I didn't want my dad burdened with having to pay for a out-of-state wedding that he would have no say in. Soooooo.....we decided to do the wedding in our city...and decided WE would pay for it. As since the $$ for the wedding is coming from us....we don't need to ask anyone for approval before deciding on wedding related stuff. Again....we're both seeking opinions/advice from parents/friends etc.....but at the end...it's OUR decision.

3) You know how people on this forum talk about doing a budget friendly simple wedding? That will be us. No engagement party, no mehendi etc. We're doing a simple religious ceremony with close family/friends (approx. 30 ppl.). Then a civil ceremony for the general guests....and then a reception. Everything done in 1 day. This is the #1 way to have a simple wedding in my opinion. Multiple events on multiple days rack up the cost of a wedding big time! We wil not be taking loans or going into debt for this. Our "budget" is what we currently have and can afford to spend.

4) It's VERY easy to do a simple wedding when the $$$ is coming out of your own pocket! My parents have told me they're going to buy me gold since I'm refusing to take $$ from them for the wedding. I told them that's fine. For the religious ceremony.....my BFF has offered to buy me my outfit as my "wedding present". I will wear my current gold set. For civil ceremony, I will wear my mother's wedding sari (she's super happy about this!), and a gold set my dad bought me last year. I'm only buying one outfit for my reception....and plan on buying artificial jewelry. I just can not bring myself to buy multiple heavy outfits and gold sets that I probably won't wear ever again.

5) We started off with 300 guests...we have managed to cut it down to 170... (again, not so hard since we'll be writing the check for every single guest!). We're still deciding in decor....but I already know I'll be cutting back a lot of flowers to keep the cost down. Again....still working on details.

It's not that we don't want a traditional wedding. I look at all the wedding pics here....and fantasize about having one of "those" weddings. But then I think practically....and come to the conclusion that since I'm not a multi-millionaire (neither is my family).....spending $$$$ on a multi-event/multiple-days shaadi....where the money is going to decorations and feeding hundreads of people.......is silly for me. I would much rather have the money available for my next house....or put it in my retirement account...or heck even take a nice/fancy vacation with my fiance.

We have close friends who have had lavish weddings paid for by parents. In fact, just last week fiance was talking to his best friend whose wife's parents spent almost $100K for their wedding. LOL...and he tells us how unhappy he (and his wife) was at the wedding day b/c the parents controlled everything. They didn't have a say in anything and didn't even know half the people there! I think in many ways...this defines a desi wedding. It's sad how often I hear about desi brides stating that they have "no choice" when it comes to their outfits, music, invitations, decor etc. (let alone the groom! I doubt anyone ever asks them what they want).

The #1 "non-traditional" thing about my wedding is that my fiance & I are planning OUR wedding. It won't be lavish or the most expensive....but at the end of the day....we know that "our day" wasn't dictated by anyone else. Every little thing at the wedding represents our taste and how we want our friends/family members to remember our special day. Its a representation of us working as a team....which in my opinion is what a successful marriage is....2 adults making their own decisions and working as a team to build a life together. :)

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Re: I ordered my bridal… LONG Story

:naak: your sentiments for your parents is exactly how I feel about mine…mine too are not controlling … :naak:

and as for ur simple wedding I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea…I think like you and feel that instead of burning money on an OTT wedding I would prefer to use that money towards a house or even charity…hats off to you :hugz:

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Re: I ordered my bridal... LONG Story

with a few minor changes, we could be life-twins! ;)

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Re: I ordered my bridal… LONG Story

Paheli, I am seriously impressed. You are…awesome. Best of luck to you and your fiance in the wedding planning. And my parents are very easy going, even liberal but being the only daughter they are really protective but if I was to follow your route and find a job and sign a lease and make my own decision of moving out while almost done with college? I think it could work then. But it was so wonderful reading your whole experience and how you plan everything in a very sensible and non-jizbaati way. I would be very proud if I raised a mature and sensible daughter like you. :wub: