My mum is a good lady and educated, but she fears people/nazar to an absolute extreme level to the point where she fears people/nazar over Allah. Its normal for pakistani woman to have this fear of nazar issue but trust me guys this is quite extreme.
I think its something she cannot control, she is educated to a high level, she works she is a good mother but I think this paranoia comes from a very difficult childhood.
It really can effect our family sometimes because she tries to extend her fear to us kids and my dad, as in she wants us to feel the same fear that she does and it ends up being a big fight. For example she takes people complimenting us as jealousy/nazar…e.g. I just graduated and ok yeah some relatives do make snide comments but it doesnt mean she has to sit and panic and worry ban our whole family from talking to this relative ever again? People can get jealous and make snide comments…so what who cares but she actually gets reallly worked up like realllllllllllllllllllllly worked up and if any of us do talk to this relative or want to visit this relative she gets REALLLY angry and upset that no one understands her or respects her opinion, but how can we if its sometimes a little irrational?!
I dont know if she needs a doctors helps ? I mean i think it may help but I am not so sure?
But can anyone here give me some advice? maybe some hadiths I can show her or something? how can I resolve this issue. Its upsetting my Dad alot too.
Guys I am genuinely upset about this so please don’t make this thread into some joke. thanks.
I think the best solution is talk to her calmly and tell her its irrational and no matter what they say they are family and that you shouldn't stop talking to them just because of one thing they said.
If it was just a one-off incident, just one snide comment then yeah let it go. If it's repeated multiple times, listen to your mom and end all contact with these people who can't seem to handle the fact that you're happy.
My mother is on the opposite end of the spectrum regarding this issue of jealous relatives... she has the patience to put up with a LOT. She'd be telling us to be the bigger person, to ignore, to respect them because they're older and a part of the family and that yeh rishte nahin hon ge tau baaki kya reh jaye ga insan k pas... and I'm like pffttt ... they're so not worth it! Why would you want to stay in touch with such people?!
Anyway, if your mother's concern is leading to disputes among yourselves then have the family try to talk to her calmly.
If it was just a one-off incident, just one snide comment then yeah let it go. If it's repeated multiple times, listen to your mom and end all contact with these people who can't seem to handle the fact that you're happy.
My mother is on the opposite end of the spectrum regarding this issue of jealous relatives... she has the patience to put up with a LOT. She'd be telling us to be the bigger person, to ignore, to respect them because they're older and a part of the family and that yeh rishte nahin hon ge tau baaki kya reh jaye ga insan k pas... and I'm like pffttt ... they're so not worth it! Why would you want to stay in touch with such people?!
Anyway, if your mother's concern is leading to disputes among yourselves then try to talk to her calmly.
I am not too sure about hadiths or anything. But I do know it is a genuine concern amongst alot of Pakistani women (or atleast from what I have seen). My mum makes sure we are all wearing a taveez before we leave the house or have a taveez on us at the very least. Maybe suggest that to your mum? It might calm her down if she knows you're wearing a taveez when you leave the house.
dont let her know that you guys visited xyz relative. avoid those topics which makes her uncomfortable. at the moment, i could not remember any hadith but if i know i would share in this thread.
My mom is same like your mom. And I sometimes feel she is right in this buri nazar theory. My brother got his first car (at the age of 18 soon after he got his licence) and like all the excited teenagers, he put up the pics on facebook. The very next day, there was an accidents (the car’s front got damanged).
We cannot deny the presence of buri nazar since it is acknowledged by Islam also. You can just show the hadiths which says we can ward off buri nazar by reciting Ayat-ul-Kursi and Surah Falaq and Suarh Naas. We have to have faith and strong belief that even if buri nazars have power to harm us, they CANNOT be more powerful than ALLAH Swt and if we ask for His help (through reciting Surah Falaq and Surah Naas), we WILL be saved from all the harms.
We need to read duas and Surah Falaq and Surah Naas and then have faith that we are saved from buri nazar. Just try to make your mom understand the power of Quran and that once you are under the protection of Allah Swt, you don’t need to worry. Try to make your mom get involved into the cure of buri nazar and increasing her faith on Allah Swt.
No, the other driver was fined by the police since it was his mistake. But anyhow my brother's car was damaged. Although it was not a big deal since it was insured, these kinds of events somehow strengthen the presence of buri nazar.
All we can do is read duas and Surahs and give ourselves in the protection of Allah.
No, the other driver was fined by the police since it was the other driver's mistake. But anyhow my brother's car was damaged. Although it was not a big deal since it was insured, these kinds of events somehow strengthen the presence of buri nazar.
huh
I think regardless of him posting pictures or not the accident would have happened. There are many teenagers posting pictures of their brand new cars. Not all of them get into car accidents.
I don't understand how being paranoid is a good thing?
OMG, your mum sounds exactly like mine. The only difference is that my mum believes in not only nazar but also jadoo. It stems from my mums inlaws (my paternal family) who are really big on this jadoo and Peer-believe. I feel her paranoid about these stuff is growing each day and unfortunalty she can be very irrational as your mum about her opinion as well. From time to time, she thinks anyone can be doing jadoo on her from my dads family till her own family and friends.. It surely doesnt help that some of her friends also are big believers in this. The situation is def. very upsetting, especially when she thinks everyone else is after her.
huh
I think regardless of him posting pictures or not the accident would have happened. There are many teenagers posting pictures of their brand new cars. Not all of them get into car accidents.
I don't understand how being paranoid is a good thing?
You are right. But Islam does acknowledge the buri nazar.
We also argue with our mom that everyone puts up pictures etc. They don't have to worry about anything. My mom's reply, you have lost your dad at a very young age and when you achieve anything like this, people start commenting on how a young boy at the age of 18-19 (without a father or any family support) can own a car etc etc... Yes, we do argue about this with my mom and can't help much since Islam says that buri nazar does exist. Some get buri nazar while others may not.
Being paranoid is NOT good. But being Muslims, we need to accept that buri nazar exists and we need to have its cure by reciting Surahs.
^ We all hope so. I guess, this buri nazar thing will be melted down in new generations moms. I do believe in buri nazar but I believe in the power of Surah Falaq and Surah Naas more and I also believe that whatever happens to us is from Allah and we need to accept that.
But the extent to which my mum has it is irrational. I think she gets it from her own mum and dad dying whilst she was still a child and she was raised by her elder sister - there is a 16 year difference between them
But when her elder sister had kids, my mum got ignored and my mum loved her elder sister as a mother. However, my eldest khala starting favouring her children alot obviosly esp after my mum got married at 19 and my eldest khala used to not involve my mum much in their family and since then over the years my mums paranoia that everyone has buri nazar just for our family has become extreme.
Yes some family members ARE jealous and yes some have taken advantage of her giving nature but it doesnt mean that for example if someone asks....' oh so what has inspiron got planned for her job' or ' what is inspiron upto now' that they are asking with bad intentions?!
My mum feels we should not tell anyone anything about us we should just be vague to the point of not talking and if my dad tells his brothers or bhabis something about himself or us kids my mum gets extemely worried/angry/irrational to the point where my dad looks like he is about to cry or something.
Other than these moments she is a sensible woman! its so confusing :/
She been having faith in it for ages and I don't think so any Hadith or a logic will be able to change it . You'll pretty much have to put up with it . Do patently listen to her concerns and do what you want to do and you think is correct . Our parents are our parents , but its a fact that they can't be right all the time and very hard for them to accept it too . Good luck .