I am 28 years old. when I was 21 I met this guy online that I talked to forever we enjoyed each other and started talking on the phone. We decided that we really like each other and want to meet. I live in the US and he is in Canada. Unfortunately before 9/11 I was immature and so he never came to the US to see me because I was young and didnt know how I would meet with him. So we were 3 years into our relationship and I decided to go meet him since after 9/11 he could not cross the border as he is not a canadian citizen, he has applied for a visa to us and has been denied many times. I went to meet him and I did find him attractive but I did want to still keep our relationship so we decided to keep going at the same pace. I would be the one flying to see him every 2 times a year, we talk on the phone everyday, webcam, etc. I know everything I want to know about him, his family and he knows all about me. We are on the same level. Finally we decided that we want to marry in the year 2007. Unfortunately he met with an accident where the other driver died and it was a huge deal where his case took two years to solve and now he is on home arrest for a year. He is also facing removal from Canada depending on the judge. We cannot move forward with our relationship. He cannot come to america because of the sentencing, he cannot become a canadian he has lived in canada for 15 years and we both are very much wanting to marry each other. I dont know what to do. I have known him for 10 years of my life, we have practically been together for that long and now this major problem I dont know how to deal with it. I am a average muslim, I do strongly believe in Islam and Allah. I pray here and there. I have been praying and making dua more as I am getting closer to the age of marriage. He is muslim and we both love and feel we want to only marry each other.
I do not want to give up on him and our relationship but with so many problems facing us I dont know what to do or how to deal with it. I am turning 29 this year and I am so ready to marry but I only want to marry him. I am getting pressure from my parents for marriage as well. I dont know what path to take and who to talk to. He is muslim, he wants the same things I wan after marriage our thoughts about Islam and marriage are alike.
I know my love story is not ordinary but we both very much are mature and want to spend our life with each other.
I need dua please make dua for us. I badly need his life to get on track so he can ask for my hand in marriage. If anyone has dua for me please pass it on to me.
InshaAllah I pray anyone here can give me some light on my situation.
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
whats his legal immigration status in canada...is he originally from Pakistan? i don't understand why wud he be deported from Canada if he here legally? if he ever gets deported u may easily go to Pakistan and marry him. u can move to Pakistan permanently like many guppies and gappans have moved to Pak permanently. why can't u move to Pak for ur love? wish u all the best. Allah aap donoN ko milaaye...aameen :)
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
You can get married and move back home with him. Aren't you a U.S citizen? why can't you apply for him as his spouse/fiance and have him move over to America after?
You have been together for 7 years now so I'm assuming you know marriage is the best route for you guys. Pakistan isn't that bad of a place to live in as a couple until you have his paperwork sorted out and move him to the U.S with you.
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
Canada ne usay visa nahie diya, how rude of them because yahan per 3 saal raho to citizen mil jati hain, hain? honey, this indeed is a critical situation... and one thing i dont get is that deporting part. i mean i heard that pak mai logn ko apne haqooq nahi mil re and pak govrnment is this that, but yahan be ab assay ho ra hai. wa wa canada ki kia kia batin sunti the mai...dil toot gaya ...pakz bag and goes ooff to saudi
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
I have lived in the US for 28 years, I am use to the life here I have never gone back home I have never even lived there my family has settled in America. Also he has lived in Canada with a pakistan passport since he was 16, he didnt apply to be canadian citizen he didnt feel it necessary until he met me and found that after 9/11 he will need it to cross the border. He is not being issued a visa from us since they are strict and he has his home arrest which ends in november. I have been contemplating having him come here on fiance visa but I do not want to take that route. I do want to hurt my family. His family knows about me, my siblings know about him not my parents as they would diagree and not understand. I understand I put myself in this position. He also wants to marry me with both parents blessings. We could easily elope but we are muslim and we do not want to go that route. I honestly do not want to give up but my situation has forced me to think that this relationship is not in our favor.
We both want to marry each other, we are both mature, he can provide for me, he and I are on the same level on what we want out of life. I dont find any negatives for us except the problems we are facing to get to the point of a marriage to take place. I have been waiting since 2007 hoping our luckk will change but unfortunetly its not the case. We are now facing a problem of him getting deported which is just beyond anything we expected. I dont know what to do.
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
**if he was in Canada as a legal Landed Immigrant [american equivalent of Green Card] then he can NOT be deported just for an accident. looks like there is more to it than u are telling us or u do NOT know urself about this guy. a landed immigrant CAN go get a visitor visa to the US if he has no criminal record. thousands of non canadian citizens cross the border on a tourist visa. so, i think he may be into more legal trouble than he is letting u believe.
well, if he will be deported from Canada due to some serious legal issues and he can NOT go to the US, and if u LOVE him, i'm afraid u've no choice but to move to Pak permanently...u have to sacrifice for him or just forget about him. i'm sorry but there seems to be no solution to ur liking and i'm saying this based on what u told us...Good Luck :)**
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
It's odd that he would have be deported from Canada after being here for 15 years, especially over something like a car accident.
and like someone said before, once you marry him, you can sponcer him to America. It would be no big deal since it's from Canada to America
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
It's odd that he would have be deported from Canada after being here for 15 years, especially over something like a car accident.
and like someone said before, once you marry him, you can sponcer him to America. It would be no big deal since it's from Canada to America
read my post above regarding his possible deportation from Canada. **not if he has some serious legal issues...**
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
**if he was in Canada as a legal Landed Immigrant [american equivalent of Green Card] then he can NOT be deported just for an accident. looks like there is more to it than u are telling us or u do NOT know urself about this guy. a landed immigrant CAN go get a visitor visa to the US if he has no criminal record. thousands of non canadian citizens cross the border on a tourist visa. so, i think he may be into more legal trouble than he is letting u believe.
well, if he will be deported from Canada due to some serious legal issues and he can NOT go to the US, and if u LOVE him, i'm afraid u've no choice but to move to Pak permanently...u have to sacrifice for him or just forget about him. i'm sorry but there seems to be no solution to ur liking and i'm saying this based on what u told us...Good Luck :)**
Exactly! I know for a fact that Canada would not deport him for such a reason
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
Your parents will have to find out you want to marry him sooner or later. Why not make the entire process a little easier and tell them now so you can at least have him come over.
But like everyone said, it is a little suspicious that he's getting deported over a car accident even if it was a hit and run or a DUI case. I already knew that Muslims are generally given a harder time if they wait on applying for their passports after they have been eligible to do so for a while, I just didn't know it could get this bad. Make sure you know everything about him. Being in a relationship for 7 years without letting your family know is not healthy.
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
Exactly! I know for a fact that Canada would not deport him for such a reason
I know man. Canada would not do such thing like that. Even just some girl said that he did not choose to apply it before, but when he did met me he decided that he shall. Otherwise Canada hamare bolte "Kaka mat jao hame chor ke"
Best of luck Op! May Allah find the best way which is suitable for ur needs. Ameen! Honey, you are in such a critical condition or mom papa ko bi nai bataya :(. I mean I feel that parents have the right to know unki beti kon se halat mai ja rahie hai :,( yes they will get mad and all, but they have to have some acknowledge. This situation is similar to some married women who are abused by their hubby and never let their mothers know because the wifeys may feel that jab unki mama ko pata chal gaya to wo boht dukhi hon gi...ok am being way too emotional here allah hafiz tc good luck..allah aap ko peace dain
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
I don't want to jump to ANY conclusions, since I barely know your story. However, I agree with what has been said above. There is more to this guy than just the accident, it sounds quite fishy.
You're going to hate me for this, and I know you've been together for so long, but if you aren't willing to tell your parents and you aren't willing to elope either, then you probably won't be able to marry him either :( Going back to Pakistan and starting a new life with each other isn't going to be easy. And knowing someone for so long, but not actually meeting them or seeing their family isn't a safe route either. You may not actually "know" him as well as you think you do. I don't mean to be the giver of bad news at all, and I know this may hurt hun :( I'm merely trying to give my idea on your situation. They say that you can be blind in love. And for you to give everything for him isn't a good idea. Firstly, you will be marrying someone who has a criminal record, whereby limiting where you can live, how you live, etc; Secondly, you haven't ever met them (I agree you can know some ppl through long-distance, but not all); Thirdly, you haven't told your parents and judging by your post, they want you to get married; Fourthly, you aren't willing to tell them or elope.
My honest advice to you would be is to do istikhara and see what happens. Hopefully God will help you with this decision. Perhaps things aren't going your way because it's not meant to happen. Perhaps your fate is written with another. And I know how heartbreaking that may be for you to hear :( Just do istikhara, it's a great way of seeking help and inshAllah, everything will work out amazingly well for you!!
Re: I need some motivation for my problem, please help.
Thanks for your insight guys I had predicted some of these reactions and honestly respect them. Strawberry thanks alot for your harsh reality truth. I do feel at times maybe there is a reason these obstacles are there as well, but have a hard time believing why.
he was convicted of obstruction of justice, I have only told you minimal part of his case because I didnt want to disclose it all. he lied about something during the case which was out of fear since he never experienced such a situation. Also I honestly do know him, I have met him enough times, we talk daily, all of his family is aware I am in his life, I know MashaAllah everything. I can honestly say that with confidence. My siblings are aware of him I dont want to bother my parents and get their hopes high for something that I have no clue what route it will go. My mother is aware that I am seeing someone but she doesnt know who because I dont want to tell her and bother her with my situation. I am a strong person and have been this whole time praying and hoping but I feel all the doors are closed.
Please pray that when he has his hearing he is allowed to stay in Canada, he has not done anything bad and is not a bad person at all. Its not about love anymore its more than that now. I had lots of opportunities to just marry him or do bad things with him but I always refreined because I wanted to be sure this is the man for me and he is who I want to see my future with. InshaAllah I pray our life will take a good turn and if it does not I do not know how I will feel and what I will do.