I’m submitting this paragraph for class. Yes, I know it’s vague. It’s supposed to be. Don’t make fun of it. Don’t pick at the topic I chose to write on. Please just give me suggestions on editing any of the sentances or maybe add a better beginning or ending. I need help on this. It’s due tomorrow. Thanks.
Holding a simple brown suitcase, an evil gleam in the eyes of a 24 year old man shone mysteriously at the gates of the Mosque. Constantly taking quick glimpses to see if anyone was watching, he silently walked into the Hurram with an unsure look smeared across his face. He was nervous, as if he wanted to promptly carry out his task as soon as possible. Inside the Hurram, stood 300 devoted Muslims, praying in a silent trance. He took the suitcase, and gently set it down in the back of the Hurram, his hands shuddering with anxiety. By simply unlatching the two ends of the suitcase he not only released mass destruction, but arrogance, hate, and evil as well.
Holding a simple brown suitcase, an evil gleam shone mysteriously in the eyes of a 24 year old man at the gates of the Mosque. Relentlessly glancing to see if anyone was watching him, he silently walked into the Hurram with an insecure impression smeared across his face. He was nervous, as if he wanted to promptly carry out his task as soon as possible. Inside the Hurram, stood 300 devoted Muslims, praying in silent trance. He took the suitcase, and gently set it down at the back of the Hurram, his hands shuddering with anxiety. By simply unlatching the two ends of the suitcase he rampaged mass destruction, and along with it insolence, abomination and malevolence as well.
I corrected a couple of verb structures and substituted a couple of words... hope that helps. Ok back to my own paper :(
oh okay... i only said hs, coz i thot it was mentoined in another thread. Teaching justtakes a lot of patience... btw.. im sticking with the english major :)
yes MQ, restless would make more sense... relentless needs to be qualified a little further :) but yeah, I was in writing mode at the time I "corrected" that... I'd already exhausted my thinking mode over the week :) - but yes, I'm done now and it still hasn't hit me that I am almost 3/4 of the way through my program - just need to wait for the formal results and get on rolling with the next milestone!
thanks for the help 
If I become rich and famous with this piece, I swear I’ll give you 100 percent credit 
