Newbie, a long time lurker .
Where to begin?
Been married more than 20 years.
Somewhat arranged marriage, a very happy event for all parties.
Husband is only one from his siblings who is NOT married to a cousin.
My sons are the only grandsons, and the only grandsons from “Dayaal” , paternal side), hence name being carried forward.
Husband’s entire siblings and parents live in the USA. Remainder of his family live in Pakistan, including all Aunts/Uncle, cousins, every relation.
My inlaws in USA are educated bunch, over the years became very religious. They have always had love/hate relations with their own children and their spouses.
Since the day my sons were born, ( I will not divulge ages) they were told they will marry cousins/relatives in Pakistan , or female cousins in the USA. I put an end to that talk, but every now and then, my inlaws will bring it up again.
My in laws have substantial assets, property in Pakistan. They are wanting the 'grandson’s" to take part in running the property. My inlaws have complete control over it, and have never allowed their own children to touch it, or benefit from it.
My children have visited Pakistan very few times as their immediate relations from father’s side all live here. Are not super aware of the culture, nor do they speak any other language other than English.
My inlaws are adamant that the older grandson go to Pakistan, get to know his relatives there, and know what is there. The relatives there are my husband’s cousins, their children, Aunts/Uncles etc. My husband nor his siblings do not know them well enough, though siblings are married to relatives.
My inlaws have very much favoured their other daughter in laws/ son in laws over the years. My inlaws have also hinted again and again to my husband “there are still plenty of cousins for you to marry in Pakistan, shame you are married to your wife”.
Many men in my husband’s family in Pakistan have two wives. The women who not married, as they are married to the ‘Quran’, Astaghfirullah..This is due to property issues.
I do not want my son to go to Pakistan. My husband who has always been reasonable is thinking it’s a good idea for him to go. My inlaws also want my husband to go to Pakistan for long periods of time.
Obviously since i am writing this, I have my concerns. I have immense fears. I do not trust anyone from my husband’s family, nor do I trust his parents.
I do not know what to do.