I need advice for a friend..

[Keyboard_Stoker]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

Does the mother have a source of income?

Is there any way she can move out, at least temporarily, until her husband comes begging for forgiveness?

In any case, she should stop cooking, cleaning, and taking care of her husband. Really after all those years he just cheats on her?

This is the ultimate betrayal. Even a divorce doesn't feel as bad as a partner betraying the marriage.

[Zara196]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

Well she's going Pakistan today for 6 months so I don't know what's happening really. I'm gonna go meet her in a while. I'm not sure if he's asked for forgiveness or not. I know he was trying to deny it at the start.

[Heathcliff]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

Biggest problem is miscommunication, she needs to confront her dad about what happened and tell him what she feels about it, she will only find peace after closure, and whether she chooses not to forgive him is her own choice; that she can make as an adult. As a friend, you should try to be neutral, swaying to far one way or another could land you in a difficult situation later… whatever choice she makes, she made it and you cannot change the circumstances in which they were made and will be made.

As for your feeling that you want her to be on agreeable terms with her dad is reasonable and expected, and we naturally want to neutralize things to how they were before or as close as we can get it. Try to understand her circumstance as well, her family has forgiven his behavior and it may be she’s alone and she just needs someone who can support her until she can get back into the right frame of mind, pushing her to much can also lead her to fighting against you, just remember she is in pain and confused.

[Deeba1234]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

@Zara196

I’ve known my friend since I was born. Our families have been family friends for just over two decades. My cousins father has been an amazing father. He has spoilt her and she’s simply always gotten what she’s wanted. I think its fair to say that she was his favourite out of his 4 children. Now my friend is 21 years old and her dad is around 55. We recently found out that he’s been having an affair with a white woman who has also got children from a previous marriage. As you can probably guess we are in complete and utter shock. My mate assumed her parents would be together forever and she’s gutted about how all this is affecting her mother. Its been a few months since this all blew up and since then she has not been speaking to her father at all. She lives in the same house as him but avoids him like the plague. **Her relatives are telling her to forgive her father because he’s done so much for her in the past **but she feels throughout the last year her relationship with her father has become very strained and he doesn’t trust her at all. Her eldest brother has forgiven her dad and he claims that theres nothing wrong with what he’s doing as long as he’s providing for the family. I have to admit I was extremely disgusted at first when this all came to light but now I’m confused. My friends relatives have been telling me to tell my friend to take it easy on her dad since he’s ill but I’m not sure what to do. I respected her father soooo much and its hurt me so much what he’s done to his wife so I can’t even begin to understand the pain and hurt my friend must be going through. The matter would have ended here but recently her dad came to my house and I have to admit he looked terrible and it actually brought tears to my eyes. Now I’m confused a part of me wants to tell my friend to atleast be on speaking terms with him…What do you lot think?

Was it a long or short-term affair and has the father definitely stopped seeing her?

Not surprised the relatives are making it out it’s no big deal.. the brother’s attitude is also messed up.. makes me wonder why he thinks that way..

[Deeba1234]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

@Zara196

I think she knows deep down but just isn’t willing to think about it. She’s finding it hard to not take sides especially because her mother is alone here and doesn’t have any family or support network such as brothers & sisters to help her and guide her.** However her dad has all his family surrounding him and believe it or not there all taking his side. :/** I find it strange how women can say to another woman that it doesn’t matter your husband cheats on you just be grateful he comes home to you every night.. What sort of twisted thinking is that?

As if it’s not bad enough already finding out about the affair.. then that

[Pakilarka]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

@Zara196

I’ve known my friend since I was born. Our families have been family friends for just over two decades. My cousins father has been an amazing father. He has spoilt her and she’s simply always gotten what she’s wanted. I think its fair to say that she was his favourite out of his 4 children. Now my friend is 21 years old and her dad is around 55. We recently found out that he’s been having an affair with a white woman who has also got children from a previous marriage. As you can probably guess we are in complete and utter shock. My mate assumed her parents would be together forever and she’s gutted about how all this is affecting her mother. Its been a few months since this all blew up and since then she has not been speaking to her father at all. She lives in the same house as him but avoids him like the plague. Her relatives are telling her to forgive her father because he’s done so much for her in the past but she feels throughout the last year her relationship with her father has become very strained and he doesn’t trust her at all. Her eldest brother has forgiven her dad and he claims that theres nothing wrong with what he’s doing as long as he’s providing for the family. I have to admit I was extremely disgusted at first when this all came to light but now I’m confused. My friends relatives have been telling me to tell my friend to take it easy on her dad since he’s ill but I’m not sure what to do. I respected her father soooo much and its hurt me so much what he’s done to his wife so I can’t even begin to understand the pain and hurt my friend must be going through. The matter would have ended here but recently her dad came to my house and I have to admit he looked terrible and it actually brought tears to my eyes. Now I’m confused a part of me wants to tell my friend to atleast be on speaking terms with him…What do you lot think?

Is father even sorry for what he did ? I think he deserves a second chance but he has to ask for it, He has to pick between his daughter and gf. If he is willing to leave his gf for daughter than i think daughter shld forgive him.

[Zara196]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

Thanks for the messages guys…I’m sorry for replying late I don’t use this very often.

@Deeba1234 He was with the lady for atleast 2 years. When it all came out he said he’s left her but then my friend’s sister heard him speaking to the woman over the phone saying that they’ll have to cool things down.

However when that came out and his brothers tried talking to him tentatively (because he’s their older brother and they had to broach the subject carefully) he said he’ll leave her.

However my friend is still suspicious and claims that he’s probably still with the other woman but is being more careful so he doesn’t get caught.
I agree the relatives siding with him is a bummer but then again I can’t change a persons opinions/views. His sisters actually said to my friends mother that aslong as he comes back home to you every night and is supporting you it doesn’t matter what he’s doing outside. There advice to her was to spend more time with him and be even more nice to him so that he doesn’t want to go out.
That logic doesn’t make any sense whatsoever to my little brain.

@Heathcliff She doesn’t feel very comfortable talking to her dad directly about it. The only people who’s talked to her dad about it in her family is her mum and brother. Her brother used it in an arguement when he stayed out all night and his dad argued with him about it. They had a massive arguement which got pretty heated and his son told him he had no right to judge him considering what he’s done/doing.
My friend doesn’t want to be in a similar situation. Its not easy bringing up a subject like this…

[Sara516]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

@Zara196

There advice to her was to spend more time with him and be even more nice to him so that he doesn’t want to go out.
That logic doesn’t make any sense whatsoever to my little brain.

That kind of advice is also given to women whose husbands physically/mentally/emotinoally abuse them…as if it’s their fault theyr’e being treated that way.

Lanat aisi aurton pe.

[Keyboard_Stoker]

Re: I need advice for a friend..

The mother should stop taking care of her husband.

Of course he is continuing to cheat on her.