The issue is related to a friend of his from uni. He and said friend have known each other for a while, even before uni I believe, and get on quite well. The trouble is that she is a rather immature, inconsistent, makes unwise decisions and often goes to him for help and involves him in these. Being the type of person that he is, he usually helps or attempts to (within reason, of course). Most of the issues she asks him for help with stem from her personal situation. She is recently married (for about a year, arranged), but quite unhappy with her husband (and family, it seems) and situation and has often expressed a desire to leave him. However, she does not go about this in a mature manner and has, instead, resorted to the naïve and rather simplistic idea of “running away” (simply moving out of her house and staying elsewhere). She has involved my fiancé in this in that she asked if she could stay with him (since he lives alone) while she “sorts things out.” He agreed under the strict parameters that there be no drama and that it function like a roommate situation (housework and payments split evenly). In the end, she did not move out and said nothing else about the situation for the past 4 months until the weekend when she called him to ask for another favour.
The reason the above situation concerns me is that their friendship is rather one-sided. She only calls him or speaks to him when she needs something (and this usually involves some sort of drama) and he is not “allowed” to call her otherwise. The rest of the time is complete silence to the point of not acknowledging him if she sees him in public. Aside from the one-sidedness of it, the other issue that concerns me is the potential for her to drag him into unnecessary drama or perhaps something more serious given that her family is…well…crazy and rather backward despite living here (in the UK) for over two decades. What do you guys think? Is it reasonable to ask him not to get involved in his friend’s issues even when asked or ask him to stop speaking to her (which seems excessive)?
***Before anyone brings this up: No, I am not jealous of his friendship with this friend nor do I think there anything more than friendship going on there.
You shouldn’t. Her staying with him would generate gossip within the community that will harm both her reputation and your fiance’s. All sorts of unsavory accusations can arise. Such a step (living with another man) can result in her marriage ending for good and strain family relations even further. If she wants out of this marriage, then the last things she needs is for rumors to circulate and hinder chances of remarriage in the future. And if your own family comes to know, they may have doubts about your fiance. There is too much at stake here. It’s one thing to be immature, but is she that oblivious to how her culture works? She could opt to move in with another female but her total lack of regard for the consequences of moving in with a guy almost make me doubt her intentions…even though YOU don’t believe she has feelings for your fiance. And she may not think your fiance as more than a brother…but it makes me wonder if she deliberately wants to take a scandalous step that will result in the end of her marriage.