(The following is an edited version of the OP’s post, as the original text was too difficult to read. Everything in parenthetical italics is my own interpretation and does not necessarily reflect the view of the OP. The original unedited post is below my edited version in case I misinterpreted something.
-partywala)
hello everyone ,
I’m writing here for the first time so please bear with me. I got married 12 years ago in an arranged marriage. My family pressured me as I was not interested in getting married to this person. I liked somebody else, but my family did drama and forced me into it.
After the nikah I was optimistic and thought that this is Allah’s marzi. I accepted it with my heart and soul. I left the country after ruksati with him. I was so happy, but I was also very young compared to him and he always called me immature. He was always complaining I was really immature before marriage. I was and I kept trying to listen, but once in a while I would make a mistake. Sometimes I forget keys or forgot to close the tip of a shampoo bottle or forgot where I put the things while cleaning.
He fought with me like crazy and then all of a sudden one day the guy (I’m assuming the guy OP liked before) messaged me but I didn’t see the message, but he (Assuming her husband)saw the message. It’s not like I had done anything, but he (OP’s husband) reacted like crazy.
From that day things multiplied (got much worse?). I was pregnant for the first time. I couldn’t leave him. Even if I wasn’t pregnant, I have a stupid trait of being optimistic and thought everything will be fine. He made me cry all day. I’d say sorry like crazy for even little things. I begged in front of him by bending down on his feet but he kicked me off.
He would always complain that I don’t know how to clean or how to cook.. Then I got pregnant again and this time it wasn’t planned. Life stayed the same. Things got worse when I found out that my older kid is special needs. My ties became more strong now as I couldn’t even think of leaving because I can’t give a lavish lifestyle like the kids can get with their dad. I also couldn’t leave my older kid alone at home as his therapist comes home. So no matter what, I had to adjust to this situation.
My husband has a very dominant nature. He controls me. I’m scared to death if I do something wrong, he will be mad and then use very bad language to curse me and my family. When he does this, I just keep my mouth shut and endure all the pain inside. My Allah is witness that I don’t say a word. Whatever mistake I made, I try to correct it.
I used to be very bold, confident, fun, and a loving girl but now my personality has changed 180 degrees. Whoever sees me gets surprised that I’m the same person. I know my husband hates me so much and he tries to find little things to make an issue of. And not only an issue but a very huge issue that I have to beg him and apologize. He thinks I’m a bad wife and mom and that I’m good for nothing. But it is not true. Everyone always appreciates my kids and says I’m the best mom. I complete all my responsibilities. I even left my job for them. I also don’t go anywhere in peace (for myself like shaaping etc) because of my older special needs kid. I’m dealing with so much that I want to die but I don’t want to commit suicide because after dying Allah is going to punish me for a haram death.
Please I want to run away to some place where nobody will be there. I feel like my life is like “Sleeping With the Enemy” (movie). My husband said “I’m like that husband (the one in movie)” He also said if there was some other respectable woman in my position, then she would also escape* (like Julia bibi in the movie)*.
hello everyone , i m writing here first time …so please bear with me… i got married 12 years agoo,it was a arrange marriage …my family pressurized me as i was not interested in getting maaried to this person ,i liked somebody elsebut my family do family dramas andd made me do that forcefully…after nikah i being optimistic , thought that this is allah,s marzi .i accepted it with heart n soul. i came out of country after ruksati with him… i was so happy. but i was too young compare to him so he always call me immature… n always complaining as i was really imature before maariage..so i was ..but i kept trying to listen but once ina while mistakes hapen ,sometime i forget keys,sometimes i forget to close the tip of shampoo ,sometime i forgot where i put the ting while cleaning…he fight with me like crazy ..n then all of a sudden one day the guy msged me but i didnt see n he saw … i didnt even do anything but he reacted like crazy …from that day things multiplied i was pregnant first time …icouldnt leave him …even if i wasnt preg i was ready n being stupid trait of being optimistic i thought everything will be fine… he made me cry all day i say sorry like crazy for even for littlebthinngs..i begged infront of him by bending down on his feet but he kicked me off he always complain that i dont know how to clean i dont know how to cook…then i got pregnant again un planned..life stayed same … things worse then i found out that my older kid is special kid… my ties become more stronnow i cant even think of leaving becuz i cant give lavish life like the kids can get with their dad plus i cant leeave my older kid alone at homeh as his therapist come home..so no matter what i have to adjust in this situation.. my husband is very dominanat nature ,..he controls me ,i m scared to death if i do something wrong …he will be mad n then use very bad language n curse me my family … when he is doing this injust keep my mouth shut endure all pain inside .. my allah is witness that i dont say a word whatever mistake i did i try to correct it… i used to be very bold confident fun loving girl but now my personilty chsnged 360 whoever see me get surprised if i m same person…i know my husband hate mee so much he try to fibd littlr things to make a issue n not only a issue but a very huge issue that i have to beg him …to apologize..he think i m a bad wife bad mom… i m good for nothing… jabke its not true everyone appreciate always my kids say i m the best mom i do my all responsibilty i left my job for them i dont go anywhere in peace becuz of my older kid i m dealing with so much that i want to die but i dont want suicide becuz after dying allah is going to punish mefor haram death… plz i want to run away… there,where nobody will be there… i feel like my life is like sleepin withthe enemy (movie) and that also my husband said i m like this husband(the one in movie) he also say if there was someother respectable women than she must escape
