I highlighted the bits from your post that I found interesting.
I can relate to the “You’re hiding, you’re secretive” accusation. Let me give you an example. We were visiting Pak six years ago and my cousin outright asked me “Pay kitni milti hai” (How much do you earn?) I POLITELY told her “Not much”…didn’t give her a number. Well, my cousin didn’t let it go at just that. She couldn’t take the hint that I didn’t want to talk about it. Instead she tried to make ME feel guilty by saying **“Tum chupati ho.” **Well, it’s my business and I have a right to be tight-lipped about it. I don’t go around asking my relatives how much money they make. I’ve never asked my dad or brother about their salaries either.
^But you know what? The particular cousin that I mentioned in the example above is VERY COMPETITIVE…VERY INSECURE. It’s so obvious to not only me…but others as well. In fact after, our recent trip to Pakistan (last year)…we were a bit shocked by the tactless comments that she made outloud where she was comparing herself to others. I even asked her why she’s so competitive…she didn’t have an answer. She’ll compete about salary…whose skin is fairer…who is thinner…who posesses this or that item, what have you.
^The competition arises from insecurity. It’s obvious. Your relatives making comments such as “Couldn’t you afford the raita?” is clearly an insult. I know that the desi culture back home can be “free” and “baytakalluf” to the point that relatives back home won’t hesitate to ask you personal questions. But I have even seen relatives who have lived in the US for years…and who have a better idea of manners…but still freely brag about how much money their children/son-in-law makes…and how they gifted someone a “Coach” purse"
What is the need to go into all these details? Simple…it’s called “showing off” and the root cause is insecurity. It’s this insecurity which causes the competition…and it’s the competition which makes relatives ask every detail about your personal life. Trust me…I’ve seen it and I recognize it. And I recognize the showing off/competition in your post. When your relatives share details about grades, designations, ranks, how much money was given, etc etc…it usually (not always) is about showing off.
**How do you deal with this? **Well, it’s not fair for your cousins to expect you to tell them what you’re wearing when they themselves are keeping it a surprise. If they’re not playing fair, why do you feel guilty about not sharing things with them? You’re not obligated to share information. OMG…is it really a big deal to be called “secretive”??? It’s not a curse word. In fact, I’ve learned (THE HARD WAY) that it’s better to be secretive about some things. The more information about your personal life you reveal to competitive people…the greater the chances for them to screw you over behind your back in some way. Being secretive is a way for you to monitor what comes out ofyour mouth and it can serve as protection.
“Secretive” is not a curse word. Don’t let it get to you. Simply stay calm, be polite, but stick to your guns. If you don’t feel like sharing…don’t. Brush off their questions with vague and broad answers like **“Oh, I’m not sure yet.” “I haven’t bought it yet” …“I haven’t decided yet.” **
If they ask how much you make…say, "Alhudmolillah, I make enough." If they repeat the question…REPEAT THE SAME ANSWER. If they ask again…KEEP REPEATING the same answer. Eventually they’ll back off.
If they ask about your grades…say** “Oh I did well.”** If they keep pushing…give the same response with a smile. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
************ **The reason why your relatives keep bugging with your questions is you and your mom always give into them. This encourages them. If you continue to CALMLY show that you won’t always give details…they will eventually stop expecting them…and their questions will also decrease.