thanku all of u who prayed for me
i left my husband last weekend… With some , luck, planning and Allah’s help i managed to get to my parent’s house safely…initially when he came after me he was very angry and showed no remorse …saying i was disobedient and disrespectful to him he even went on to tell my mother that wife beating to do ‘‘islaah’’ of wife is islamic… Now for the last 2/3 days he 's been using the same tactics that abusers usually do to win the victim back…saying sorry and that he has changed… Blah blah
i now travel daily for 6 hours to get to my place of work( my parents live in another city)... My daughter had to leave the very good school she was going to...... Havent been able to decide what to do next.......
he told me he has strtd going for therapy sumwhere and wants me to go too...... Does any of u know of any good therapists or counsellors in lahore???? Do u guys think i shud even give it a try??
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
May Allah guide you and have mercy on your situation. May He provide you with resources, courage and the strength to do what is right for your own and your child's physical and mental health.
I would recommend that you let him have his space for sometime. Let him know that you need to be in a better frame of mind before you are able to make any sort of decisions about therapy and relationship negotiations. Tell him that you would prefer that both of you seek counselling individually to address your own demons and to heal the damage that has been done.
Revisit the situation in a few month's time when wounds are not so raw and when you are in a better frame of mind to make rational decisions.
Don't worry too much about your daughter.......children are more resilient than we give them credit for. She will bounce back when you need her to......in shaa Allah!
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
so brave mashallah.
you need to give a few monthsh infact even a year to figure out whats next. if t were i would leave him for good. youll be better off. his actions now, his show at attempting to apologise is just a show. if hes sincere then he will still be there after months even a year. men like him dont change just after a week or so of seperation.
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
No don't give it a try. Ignore him! Don't revisit the situation either, seriously, you'll just go round in cycles if you do. You have done the hardest part!
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
Well, I looked high and low for a marriage counselor in Lahore. I guess most people are advised to seek the help of clergy. I would recommend trying to find a clinical psychologist who has dealt with marriage related issues prior. If you can't find the help you need, then perhaps it's best to separate. I wish I could have found more options for you. If anyone here is in the health or social work profession (something of that sort) in Lahore, then please do inquire for our friend here.
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
Go forward, not backward. Don't look back. A bully is not going to change. Like Beeb said, you have done the hardest part. You have supportive parents? You're going to be just fine, and so will your daughter. From this she will see that she does not have to put up with fear and abuse, that she can take control of her own life. You done good! Don't falter!
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
Such second chances ruins a child's mind. Women are always so easy to forgive. he needs years of therapy to get to the root of his issues and change his behaviour .If you go back now he'll most likely think of it a quick fix and stop going. I don't say keep your child away from him, but until hes stable enough not to leave her with more psychological scars, you should.
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
I can tell you from my personal experience that he will not change permanently .
He said that " i was disobedient and disrespectful to him he even went on to tell my mother that wife beating to do ''islaah'' of wife is islamic...." you want to give such a man a second chance really ? someone who can justify wife beating in the name of islam. Today he is justifying it for you tomorrow he will justify it for your child.
Concentrate on your self your life & your daughter's life. You can change her school for now to somewhere near your parents house . In my opinion what is most important for you and your child right now is physical safety & mental peace.
The above is my advice/opinion. But it's your life and you know it better more than anyone else , take some time to think and analyse . Think about your and your child's future , consult your parents and then reach a decision.
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
As a man, I have a couple of male relatives who are wife beaters.
Here is what I have learned about them:
1 - Once a wife beater....always a wife beater
2 - They don't respect their wife.
3 - They suffer from some kind of inferiority complex. Their outside personality may be dominant but on the inside they are always insecure.
4 - They will take their frustration out on someone weaker than them...usually the wife or kids.
5 - They come from a family with a history of domestic violence. They have seen their father beat their mother and are continuing this behavior.
6 - The children will grow up hating their father.
Re: i left him... Donno wether to be happy or sad, therapists counsellors in lahore?
urgh I don't know what to tell you it looks like you know him better than any of us and you can tell that he is using being apologetic and suggesting therapy as a way of getting you to come back. It looks like you're already at the breaking point but if I say that you should give him another chance since he himself is suggesting therapy then if he's lying or still just as abusive and will never change, then your life is in danger, i'm guessing he's never hurt your daughter thus far right?
If you make the decision to leave him as in divorce, then you have to think of all the hardships you'll have to endure and whether you and your daughter have enough support to make it on your own.
You have some hard choices to make think it through very carefully because three people's lives are going to be effected by it.
