At the risk of sounding super desperate and pathetic…
I was about to do something and wanted someone to knock some sense into me.
I was talking to a guy for some time (arranged setting) and things got serious as we both go to know each other. Long story short: there was something weird happening because the guy’s side disappeared all of a sudden. His parents called to invite us to their house cross-country to finalize the rishta but my parents wanted to get info on his family from pakistan. His family claimed they were going to call us with info but didn’t. Then the boy stopped talking to me suddenly.
It’s been close to a year and all of a sudden I’m starting to get bothered by everything again. It has a lot to do with the fact that i have a feeling that he may be rishta hunting again. I want some type of closure. I’ve had other rishtay but I’m super apprehensive because 1) there wasn’t closure 2) the experience scared me
I was cleaning out my FB inbox and I saw emails from his sister and him to me. I was SO SO tempted to email gibberish to them (making it look like an accidnet) just so maybe he’d respond. I KNOW I SOUND REALLY PATHETIC.But I can’t get the thought out of my mind.
I just need closure and I dont know what to do to get over this slump. Help?
You aren't going to have a rishta with him, him and his entire family just stopped corresponding out of the blue and didn't have the courtesy to atleast call you guys and officially call it off, he has put you and your family through unnecessary crap etc.
There is no point in contacting him. He was a jerk to you, people are jerks. Best to just move on. I know it was probably the old emails and stuff that triggered this sort of response but you cant let it tempt you into making a silly mistake. You had a weak moment, pick yourself up and think of how he treated you and your family and is it really worth contacting him again.
So you read the emails and messages by mistake. So what? Delete them.
If it was a year ago or a month ago, you should always put your and your family's respect and integrity before anything else. He and his family didn't have the common courtesy, like CC said, to officially call it off or give you any reasons.
Needing closure is understandable, but it's been a year. Sending gibberish (by "accident") is too obvious. And not worth it, either way. You won't get any closure. You will, how ever, feel more hurt and worse than you did/ do.
Don't let one stupid thing stand in the way of you getting what you deserve, Insha Allah.
If there are rishtas coming and you and your family think you're ready to get married, and you find a suitable partner... Go for it!
Insha Allah, you have to deal with a little bit of rain before the rainbow, right? :)
1 year? Closure should have come 11 months and 20 days ago!
Even if a husband stays out of touch for more than 6 months, his wife has the right to file for divorce based on that....and here you are flustered over a random rishta.
If you were to email him, there is no guarantee that he would even respond to you. If he doesn't, you'll feel more frustrated.
If you were to confront him about why he disappeared, there's no guarantee that you'd receive an honest answer or that what he tells you will provide you relief. Sometimes a "closure" response from the person who has offended you can leave you feeling more hurt and with more questions than you had before.
If you think about it...has anyone ever really felt better after hearing the reason behind why they were rejected? For whatever reason....it could be lack of attraction/compatibility, issues with age, family, profession, lack of a spark, etc. Usually finding out the reason makes a person feel defensive, angry, more self-conscious, etc.
Maybe the reason for his disappearing was that there was something shady about him and his family. If that's the case, I doubt he'd admit to it. He and his family left you hanging.....that's hurtful especially to you.....they didn't even have the courtesy to make up an excuse for not pursuing the rishta. They've no respect for your feelings, for your time. If he wanted you, he'd have remained in touch. He's moved on with his life....so why should you contact him and give them the idea that you're still stuck on him? That's exactly what he'll think. The final decision is up to you; you can contact him if you think it'll help you. But I think that there's a possibility it might leave you feeling worse. Sometimes we have to be the ones to provide ourselves with closure by deciding to move on.
What sort of closure are you looking for? He hasn't spoken to you for almost a year, isn't that closure enough?
when things end like that (without a word), sometiems u jsut wanna tell the person what a crappy thing they did. No it's not always productive or a smart thing to do, but....hey we humans make mistakes.
^ I see where you're coming from, I guess people deal with things differently. I know if that happened to me the last thing I'd want to do is start talking to him again...even if it was just to let him know how much of a moron he was. Sometimes bringing up the past isn't the best idea.
Thanks guys. You guys are right. The guy was disrespectful to my family and doesn't deserve another chance or anything like that. I guess Sara516 is right.
when things end like that (without a word), sometiems u jsut wanna tell the person what a crappy thing they did. No it's not always productive or a smart thing to do, but....hey we humans make mistakes.
I just want him to know what a horrible horrible thing he did, ESPECIALLY since he was always harping on how he'd never hurt me and he would always make sure that I was treated with dignity and respect. It's just my ego talking. I've never been hurt like that before (and things had progressed more than a "random" rishta at that point--partially my fault for talking to him) and I guess I just want him to know. And a (sick, twisted) part of me is hoping that he's miserable, too. After putting me through that.
I think I'm in a funk. iA I'll get out of it soon and realize how stupid all this is.
Maybe the reason for his disappearing was that there was something shady about him and his family. If that's the case, I doubt he'd admit to it. He and his family left you hanging.....that's hurtful especially to you.....they didn't even have the courtesy to make up an excuse for not pursuing the rishta. They've no respect for your feelings, for your time. If he wanted you, he'd have remained in touch. He's moved on with his life....so why should you contact him and give them the idea that you're still stuck on him? That's exactly what he'll think. The final decision is up to you; you can contact him if you think it'll help you. But I think that there's a possibility it might leave you feeling worse. Sometimes we have to be the ones to provide ourselves with closure by deciding to move on.
That's what my gut says and of course, the unrealistic/irrational part of me is hoping that by messaging him, he'd admit that there was something wrong with THEM. But they won't. If my interactions with them have taught me anything, it's that he and his family ALWAYS play the victim.
Help?