…what you all think about this…me and my fiancé fight over it everytime we talk….he expresses his feelings towards me all the time, and expects the same from me as well…but I just can not do it…i want to, but something inside tells me not to…i strongly think we should wait until we are married which is not very far…so whats the hurry…i don’t know what the future holds for us, if Khuda na khawasta, God forbid, something happens and we don’t get married, then what? Wouldn’t it be unfair for me to say I love my spouse when I have already said that to someone else
So my question is:
Do you think expressing your love towards your partner-to-be is acceptable?
farishta2, I was in the same situation as you are in right now for the past two years. I felt the exact same way that you did becoz God forbid u never know what will happen. But we used to have the talks to about how he is the only one who expresses his feelings and I dont and I just told him that I am not comfortable in doing so before we got married and he understood. I think you should have a deep talk with him about this issue because thats the only way to solve the problem, otherwise you will keep running in to arguments which might lead to a strain in ur relationship. Not that expressing love is wrong but just tell him that u dont feel comfortable doing it at this point. If he truly loves u he will understand. My fiance did and now by the grace of Allah we are living a happily married life.
Either you love someone or you don't. Love is not bound to marriage. There are lot of people in the world who are not married to the people they loved. Do they loose their love for their beloved.
I guess not its just that due to the circumstances they fall in love again. Sometimes for better sometimes for worst.
okay lemme give you a guys point of view. See if you tell him that u cant say it because you dont know wats going to happen tom. or the day after then honestly if i was him i wld feel pretty crappy because ur doubting my ability to make it happen and u dont even trust me enuff to believe that i can make it happen but then again not everyone is me so i dont see him as being geting mad somthing too too wrong. with that being said if you dont feel comfortable in expressing your feelings then its alrite ... its all good ... but if its for just that reason then in my opinion ur not totally right
you should wait until you get married. Saying "I love you" before marriage isnt apparopriate.. In some cases, if couples dun end up getting married, this word and the feelings attached to it haunt them for the rest of their lives. Not only that, in extreme cases, it also ruins their relationship with their own spouse. Be wise and wait until you get married.
For anyone who brought up the "I love you" issue between husband and wife shall know that they are legally and islamically married and in fact are expected to exchange such words, but in Islam engagement holds no value and thus one must refrain from such attachment with opposite sex.
For anyone who brought up the "I love you" issue between husband and wife shall know that they are legally and islamically married and in fact are expected to exchange such words, but in Islam engagement holds no value and thus one must refrain from such attachment with opposite sex.
I agree with you saying "Ilove you" is not apropriate but at the same time if you feel that you are in love with someone is it going to change anything? I hope you got my point.
It's quite natural to have these feelings towards anyone be it or your best friend or fiancee even if it's not considered very Islamic. All I was trying to say was " not to express" such thoughts unless and until it's the right time and that is only after marriage.
It's easy to control yourself and when things are just under your control than being involved and ruining the other person's life as well.. quite risky!
u both shud ave a certain comfort level between u 2 . adn for this .. the guy must be understanding k it is sumthing not very normal for a female to express her feelings as openly and as easily as guys can do it. Expecting sumthin like this wud be a lil too much on the guyz side ... however if conditions are so that the relationship is weakening due to the reason of u being not as expressive, u shud go a lil out of ur ussual way :) and that again wud contribute to restoring trust between u 2 .
believe me... guys are always worrying.. thinking she loves me or not .. when it is not expressed :)
as for the already said wala part ... u never know how many times u love in life :)
I think you should say what you really feel. If you feel the same way he does, express it the way you want. You don't ahve to be as expressive as he is, but do express. It would mean a lot to him
This is yet another example of the typical Pakistani mentality of keeping up appearances, the fear of 'what will people say'? The fear or 'what if'. I don't know why so many people don't stay true to themselves, instead they put up a facade of to maintain some sort of 'appropriateness' that has nothing to do with religion. Gemini, please don't bring religion into this, because what you say is inaccurate, you can have feelings for your fiancee. I can back it up with Quranic verses if you wish.
Simply not expressing your emotions because you're afraid that you might not get married is a tad juvenile. To start off a relationship with that level of doubt is unhealthy. If you love him, tell him, because if you don't, he's going to start having second thoughts.
Now, if you simply don't wish to express your feelings because you're uncomfortable, and you feel it's inappropriate, fair enough, tell him at least once that you do love him (only if you do, don't like, we men hate that), and then tell him that with that said, you're uncomfortable with that sort of talk until you're married and he will understand.
Asalamo Alaiqum Guys
Do you really love this guy or not? You know in your heart of hearts...do you love him....unconditionally....you know no conditions...You have to be really true to yourself. I got married because i wanted to please my parents....i had this philosophy of not opening myself up for as what I considered was being Vulnerable....or I might get hurt.....and I used to joke with my cousins....Yeh nahi tu koi aur sahi...Koi aur nahi tu koi aur sahi!!!....anyway...I really believed in arranged marriage ...as being very practical! you know thinking that parents know best...and they really do!!...but now I consider its just conditional.....conditional to everyone's approval.....including that family approval too that plays an important role in a girl's approval! conditional to if you act in certain way...only then you'll be loved!!...You know the typical roles...a guy choosing to hAVE arranged marraige cuz he wants a WIFE...a wife ...not the person who plays the role of the wife...you know the real person within....and so can be true to the guy!!!...hey do I sound like a bitter old lady!!!I'm not...its just that age and experience teaches a lot of things just a warning out to all u young folks out there!!
So people think really well...about the future...more about what you really want from Life in general...and willl this guy or girl will be good for you and you for her....You only live once!!!
