I am 26 years old and unmarried.I live with my parents.Anyway, i have a problem i want your help with…
Every family has clashes and every family has their problems. With my family,there have been many fun & successful times and many full of tension, nervous break down type stress days too. My father is a strict loud natured person. He gives the impression of a hitler to every one but we the family members know that there is a very soft side to him as well that only we get to see some times. Being the eldest of so many siblings, he demands his things be done within a minute and to perfection. He wants every single done no matter what it is. Thats how he is. My mother has resolved to it and is more of a yes-boss attitude follower now. Of course she loves him but she too dislikes it when he can be so controlling. He would handle everything at home from grocery, to furniture, to workers at home, to money matter etc. For some it might be something great that he does it all but it can actually be frustrating that you get to have no say.My parents although they can be nice at times but argue on daily basis and they both hate each other’s families and keep taunting on them which irritates me a lot. My siblings are not here, all are out of country and visit after 2-3 years except one of them who visists after a few days as he is out of city. There have been major problems with one of my siblings and for that me and my mother did not agree to my father’ decision and argued over it for more than a year. that deep down created a revolting feeling at my end. Although, things have been settled down with all siblings but still many contraints come in front on and off. He is not the expressive sort when it comes to love, he has never kissed or hugged us but by the efforts he puts in to raise us, its obvious how much he is concerned about us.
I dont even realize when and how i misbehave with him. UI can genuinely be a very Badtameez child without even realizing it. He is wrong many times and he can be forceful and rude too but i should not reply back i know that. Buit i dotn know what gets into me that i misbehave so badly. He does not realize some one’s effort - I mean i am working plus when i go back home i am handling many things of dinner and other household stuff too. if its 12 midnight, i am dead tired and plannign to sleep before i have to wake up for sehri and go to office too. He suddenly demands for dinner or tea or something. yesterday, i just blew up in anger. It was my first day of periods and i had cramps in my legs and back ache and what not. I had already been working all day .. climbed the stairs up and down 20+ times. Cut the vegetables for noodle, cut all fruits for fruit chaat, made pakoray, Dahi bhallay, etc. all at home and alone because my mother wasnt home. I gave the aftari to everyone then made tea as well. Finally, i got free and some one or the other demanded something. My father came home at aftari time. Around 11 o clock he asked me for dinner when i was plannign to sleep. Again, i dont know what got into me..maybe its his tone, maybe he is loud, maybe i am scared of him, maybe it was just periods mood swing or what-I opened up like lava. He did not realize how much tired and unwell i was. I had truly been working all day and was dead tired. It was wrong of me but whether you say it politely or sternly, he does not take No for an answer. My mother was unwell and was sleeping too. My father became so angry that I am sure our neighbours could hear it too. He was so angry at my reaction that he could have slapped me in anger. I know it was my mistake but it seems no one seems to realize my efforts. I am working 12 hours and i contribute fully, plus the work at home is a lot since my mother is unwell many a times. We have a maid too but she works only for a few 3-4 hours because she herself has a lot many problems. We have tried changing the maid but again my father has some problem with them if they are not clean or some other issue and fires them.
I maybe wrong and i regret what i say but I dont even realize what and when i say it. Why i react so badly when i am asked to work when i am dead tired. it just kills me that no one realizes the efforts i am putting in. Then my father went on on how much he did for me and what he did for me. I know he did a lot and i can never even think of paying that back, he out did any father i know of in what he did for me. I am not even close to what he did for me. I feel so bad being rude to him and hurting him so bad but i have never been able to adjust to loud voices, controlling habits, stubborn attitudes or lack of care. If some one is sweet to me i am much more sweeter to them. If some one is angry i just get doubled in that.
Since i have a gap in the relationship with him, its always difficult for me to talk out things with him or say sorry for some wrong i have done. I was not like this and i dont want to be like this. I love him and he loves me too but his and my own reactions ruin it all. I know i will be married off in a year or so when if the process of marriage starts. I want to utilize this time with my parents. I have an awesome relation with my mother and i want an awesome one with my father too that does not include my rude and badtameez attitude. I dont know how to fix it. Maybe i just want them to be a little caring and understanding towards me as well which when i dont get flares me up.
Please help me in what i should do. Please do not bash any one in the thread or make it a funny one. I genuinely want serious replies only. Thank you.