Re: I had a big argument with future-in-laws
I honestly think that she needs to take STRONG stance here and test out the waters completely before marriage. She should tell her fiance that the way the FIL talked to her is NOT ACCEPTABLE and she foresees lots of issues down the road. So she would like to send back the engagement ring that the FIL asked for.
I bet you the FIL will drop his controlling attitude and change tone fast. If he does then you can also sincerely accept his apology and move on. If he doesn't then I guess they fail the litmus test and you really need to re-think your options.
All this advice from some that you should give respect to FIL is bullsheet. It's a sign you can not ignore. Respect is earned and it seems like this man wasn't taught by his mother or his wife. May be the future DIL can teach him a lesson.
It's an age old desi pressure tactic of putting their foot down on DILs. You need to fight it out in a civil manner.