Re: I gave badwa
We are all tested and tried in multiple different ways and illness is just one of those things. It’s only Allah who can decide whether a certain calamity befalls someone despite what you want desperately. Your family’s abuse of you was definitely something they would have had to face in this life or the hereafter so regardless of what you wanted their actions against you were always going to be up for trial. Maybe this is the way your mother would have faced her trial regardless of your words.
You’re obviously feeling guilty because you’re a good person so it may be cathartic to just forgive her in your heart. No need to reestablish contact or expose yourself to further abuse, or even start pretending everything is fine because it’s not but you can have a dialogue with Allah for your own sake that you forgive her. He’s listening even if you feel there’s no answer and your forgiveness would be a massive massive thing of goodwill. For all you know any shifa she gets or any relief from pain is purely because of your forgiveness.
Thank you for your reply, you have really made me feel better.