Hi Sunset_Eyes!
I know you are very sad and hurt. This happens when one does so many things out of the box for others and they don't realize their importance.
You are right, one major reason why she doesn't care for you is that she couldn't select the wife she wanted for her son. Another reason is that mothers are always so protective and loved by their sons that when they miss that attention after the sons get married, they take out that frustration on the daughter-in-law.
It totally gets unbearable! ive seen so many cases, like my very own 2 cousins... they both had love marriages: The first one got married when the groom's bro also got married, there were 2 marriages together. The wife of the elder brother is preferred everywhere in the family as she had an arranged marriage. She is compared with her everywhere .. She is gifted nicer clothes, she doesn't move but is given a royal treatment, issues with kaam-walis they don't let them work in her room and such stupid small scale issues. When they keep going on and on they aggravate so much.
I would just give a few suggestions to you. I know from every post of yours that you love your husband madly. I personally think he would be more hurt to see your eyes all swollen and you all sad. I think no matter how much he will be hurt you should update him. You will be living with him for ever he should know what is going on. if your husband is on your side, no one can do a thing. He should know everything, if in case something goes wrong big time with your in-laws and your hubby doesn't know he might start doubting you too. You should tell him what so ever! If things get out of hand, he would be able to talk to your in-laws.He knows his mother and is closer to her much more than you are to her. Pamper the woman, i mean give her gifts, talk nice about her everywhere, get her everything .. she will realize you are too nice and she shouldn't carry on with her daily taanaz.
Best of luck! keep updating .. Cheer up please:biggthumb
Yes i do love him dearly AH but again DD, i cant tell him. He is already stressed from all the other things that is happening around him. It will break him and i think i need to remain strong infront of him. It was only last night, that they commented again that i broke down infront of him and he re-assured me and told me to ignore it. I guess i couldnt hold in me for longer. There is no way that i m going to pamper the woman. Why should i? That would be like begging to me. If that was their attitude from the beginning, why did she not think before she started behaving like this?
Why can you not move out? is your husband the only son? I mean why do you care for them tht much if they have such behaviour with u
Aminas, i cant move out...they rely on us. We and I esp do so much for them, yet they dont appreciate! Hubby is not the only son. He has another brother and he is older. He moved out in 2006. See i had in mind that the eldest son takes care of the parents but its the other way in this family i guess. Even hubby said, they have moved out after looking the parents and now its our turn which i dont mind. I dont mind looking after them but i am just not happy with their behaviour and attitude. There is not enough respect for me in this family.
SE, my heart goes out to you. I know how your feel since I have a similar situation but in my case, its my own mother who is causing the troubles. Like you, I take the abuse with a smile and have never said anything, I just keep on with a smile. Its a horrible situation to be sure. Thank goodness, my mom lives on her own so its only when we visit with her or when she comes to stay with us that I have to put up with it.
It surely helps that I have a supportive hubby and I'm sure that this is the case for you also. It helps to make light of some of the nasty things that go on, I will tell my hubby some of the things and he will make jokes about it and always get me giggling instead of crying.
I dont know what else I can tell you that will help - other than when you deal with difficult elders, you are surely earning a special place in the eyes of God/Allah. INshallah, when WE get old and cranky and nasty, the favors will be returned and OUR loved ones will put up with us with a polite smile!! (btw, I told my hubby that if i EVER turn out to be a nasty, cranky old thing then take me out in the back yard and shoot me lol)
Think of and work toward the day that you and your hubby will be on your own. This will happen one day inshallah.
I wish you peace and serenity....and strength enough to deal.
Thanks Mama - ofcourse my hubby does the same as well. He make jokes out of it and cheers me up but its only temporary isnt it. Its harder when you are living with them and have to deal with it regularly. I even read my namaaz and AH it helps! But the suggestion of living seperately in the same house sounds impossible as that wouldnt be allowed! Trust me!