Well I fell in love with a man who somehow never took life seriously, one that had a string of girl friends and was somehow always left heartbroken. Relationship with his folks was terrible and he had experimented with a variety of religions.
When I met him he was “stable” hadn’t had a relationship in a year, stable job, and was a regular church goer. But there was so much more trobling him inside and it pained me to see him that way, he’d have this tortured look on his face but a smile on his lips. I knew he was hiding a lot of pain so we woudl spend hour talking and discussing , mostly he woudl talk and i would listen. Then I’d go home and think about it..and come back with advice, criticism or support. Sometimes he’d get mad at me for tellin him he was wrng or that he coudl do things better, and other times he’d be down right “pissed off” at me for not “agreeing” with him.
I’d tell him that he IS a good person and no matter what he does or ever will do I’ll always stand by him but it doesn’t mean that if I see him doing something wrong that I won’t point it out. After all a relationship is about growig and maturing together…and I’d expect the same advice/criticism from him.
His other pals are the kind you love to be around..always laughin and joking around, disco going, late night pary kinda people, whereas I’m not..not allwed out of teh house after 8:00p.m.
Few days ago he calls meup and says…“You know what you’re just so annoying, you’re boring, you’re not like my other friends, I was crazy about you but the more I talk to you the more annoyed I get. WHy are you so serious? Why are you so straight? Why do you have such strong beliefs and values? When I’m with my friends I’m happy, when I’m with you and we talk then I get annoyed…you’re just so boring. Everybody tells me that it wont work, they’re all tellin me to break up with you and right now I don;t think I’m ready for a relationship and I doubt friendship will work between us coz you annoy the crap outta me”
I listened in disbelief… although we were supposed to be “dating”. We’d never go out anywhere…just sit somewhere and talk..coz he had so much to let out…we never really did anythign “fun”. I’d come see him all happy and cheery but then he’d start with his “problems” so no matter what we’d end up talking about them. And honestly I didn’t mind one bit… I was honored that he trusted me…in fact I was GLAD to help..I felt like we were really connecting.
I don’t really know what to say or feel… but I gave him so much time, so much love, did lil romantic things to cheer him up, scraped up money, starved even to get him this thing he pointed out to me in a shop window.
I feel like an idiot.
