I don't want to live anymore

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I’m almost 5 years married with this man… He is not educated at all… From the beginning till now he has mentally totured me…but now, after having two kids, I can’t bare it anymore… I’m so tired of everything… I’m feeling so lonely… I wish I was dead

2

Re: I don't want to live anymore

i remember a previous thread of yours where you talked about how you had two miscarriages, no children and a husband who pretty much tried to strangle you to death, didn't care about you, hid money and was an overall prick. just looked at that thread again and so many people advised you to leave and consider yourself lucky that you don't have children. with all due respect, you chose to stay and you chose to have two children so now you don't get the right to wish you were dead or play the "woe is me" card. if you didn't get the message then, you won't get it now. i feel sorry for your children.

3

Re: I don't want to live anymore

seek Khula from him...take your two kids and have peace of mind.

4

For the first time I want to stand for myself.... My kids are everything for me. I don't regret having them. I've started to think that it's maybe better to leave him... He keeps telling me that my life Will be hard and no one Will support me...why should he care about this... I will give him silence treatment for some days to realize how my life will be without him. He takes good care of the kids. But will I manage it being a single mom with two kids. So many questions for me and dissappintments for my family... Am I worth it to give everyone a lots of tension just because I can't bare it anymore... Is suicide a wise option? Wherever I go I will take my kids with me!!

5

I can't believe you even said these sentences in the same breath.

No, suicide is not a wise option. It's a cowardly way out. How can your kids be everything if you're contemplating ending your relationship with them for ever?

I agree with sweetif...I feel sorry for your kids. Man up and do right by them.

6

Re: I don't want to live anymore

Iksa, I am so sorry to read about this. I hope things get better for you.

First, your husband already tried to strangle you before!? Why is he not in jail? Perhaps because you let him go and 'forgive' him, thinking he would improve. If he has threatened you again or hit you, you need to, nay you MUST, call the police. I think you are not in Pak so it is not like you are helpless and there are no options. Report him to the police, have him arrested, and if the need be, go to a women's shelter for some time.

Now, please please don't even think about suicide or hurting yourself because of that looser. You need to show him the door and get a divorce instead. A divorce is not the end of the world. Trust me, thousands of women, including Pakistani women, have survived and successfully managed being a single mom after taking the decision to divorce. And their kids are better off than they would be living in a house with extremely unhappy parents or experiencing an abusive relationship between their parents.

Your innocent kids need you. And you, as a mother, need them because you are their mother, you gave them birth, and you love them. You need to be there for your kids. They have a bright future ahead and they have many milestones ahead and they would need the love, support and guidance of their mother to thrive and to realize their true potential.

Please instead of inflicting any harm upon yourself, you should end the relationship with your husband and get a divorce. It may not be emotionally easy in the beginning but mark my words, you will be glad you dumped that looser once you do so.

7

Re: I don't want to live anymore

Reminds me of a 5 yr old kindergartner in my class. At conferences we found out that 2 or 3 years back this little girl was the one to discover her mothers dead body from drug overdose.

Maybe I am being cruel here but if you can't love your kids, proctect them them in your difficults time, set good examples for them; then why bother having them? Do you think your children will be proud of you giving up by committing suicide or staying in an abuse relationship? All your are going to do is put them through torture and misery for the rest of their lives.

8

Thanks for your advice... You all are right... I'm sorry for even thinking about suicide. I've been trying to please him and his family (they live in PK). But they always said I'm this and that. This man even can't speak good about my parents and family.... I've had enough. I'm not working at the moment coz I'm in a depression. It's all because of him. I had very difficult pregnancies but he never tried to understand. Now he wants a third baby and I don't. My daughter is 1,5 yrs and my son 4 months. So his solution is to marry another lady to have two or three kids. How low can he go? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to regret. I'm receiving money from the government, it's enough to pay all bills and live a normal life. So please give me advice what to do.... Should I wait till I recover?? Should I give him a last chance? Should I wait till I have a job??

9

Re: I don't want to live anymore

dude we people are made stronger than we think we are. We learn to cope with our situations.

Do what feels right. =] Dont be afraid to be alone. Is your family around to help?

I would say if he doesnt treat you right, throw him out already and surround yourself with people that are a positive influence. Make it a rule in your life.

And let him make more kids with whoeever he wants . Hes just adding up more people to hate him.

10

Re: I don't want to live anymore

Are you serious? No, you shouldn't give him another chance. Have you not given enough chances these past 5 years??? LEAVE HIM. You should've done this when he strangled you. How can you live with a man who strangled you?? I'm seriously shocked here that you continued living with this man and had kids as well.

Leave him. That is the only wise thing to do. Or else all your life will be like this, and your kids will have a very disturbing life. You mentioned in your previous threads that you have worked. Well, snap out of your depression and look for work again. You have two little kids, you can't sit and be depressed and think of committing suicide. I would personally think you should also report your husband's behaviour to the authorities. There's no need to be nice to him, he's a prick and deserves to be punished. But that's your call.

If anything, contact social services/welfare/women's rights organizations and seek help from them. May Allah help you through this but remember, Allah helps those who help themselves.

11

Thanks everyone. I feel much better and stronger after reading all replies. If I couldn't change him in 5 years, then what will I do now? I've found an organization for muslim ladies. They help them to get rid of their husband. He is never going to give me divorce. So it's me and only me who is going to decide for myself. Is it just me or all ladies who are having a difficult time with their husband, that taking a decision is really hard????

12

Re: I don't want to live anymore

It's human nature to find change daunting, and this is a big change you're about to make. However, tell yourself that this is a big postitive step for you and the kids - you are getting rid of all the abuse and negativity from your life. You are giving yourself and more importantly, your kids, a chance to be happy and grow up without being in fear of their father (He has already tried to strangle you. What's to stop him from harming your kids?).
I am not a Muslim, but I'm sure abuse and attempt to murder is a solid case for a divorce or khula. Reaching out to a women's support org is a great idea. They will be able to provide you the resources you need - lawyers, counsellors for you and the kids, and a support network of women in similar situations.

Good luck!

13

Re: I don't want to live anymore

where are you located? wishing you well and especially your young children iA

14

Re: I don't want to live anymore

Have you both been to a relationship advisor together? He might have his side too ...

It's hard to talk reasonably when there is so much built up muck between you ... I can't say it is fair to advise you what to do without hearing his side and deciding whether the marriage can be put back on the right track.

15

Re: I don't want to live anymore

did i seriously just read this?????

you need professional help urgently.

16

Re: I don't want to live anymore

Leave him.

Support your children.

Be brave.

Do it now.

Now meaning....today.

17

Re: I don't want to live anymore

Iksa,

It seems like over the years you have received a lot of advice and insightful comments in response to your situation. But for some reason you've continued on a path that has been incredibly hurtful for you. It's time to step back and think about why.

The mental torture that you describe from your husband has left you feeling small, worthless, and unable to move forward. You feel like you have no choice and no options.

Please please understand that there is ALWAYS another choice. There is always something other than torture and suicide. Please do not think that the only way out of this terrible life is harming yourself and your children. This is not true.

You will need to be strong for yourself and for your children, because clearly no one else around you is able to help you. You believe that you are unable to handle these things. Unable to be strong and independent, and the only reason you feel that way is that you have been abused for years. You have been made to feel small and incapable by the man you married. You don't believe that you can make it on your own. YOU CAN. Anything is better than constant abuse. Your children do not need to grow up watching their mother be abused and suffering. And there is no guarantee that one day they will not suffer in the same way. YOU have the ability to change things for the better.

But you have to believe in yourself and have faith that there is a better life out there. Do not let the years of abuse distort your image of yourself and destroy your life. Allah has given you life, and each new second is an opportunity for change, growth, and improvement.

You are capable of much more. Do it.

I wish you the best.