I don't understand men....

Re: I don't understand men....

Zobia i like what you said :)

Haaniya786

step away from the facebook so nobody gets hurt especially you, please, i totally understand what you've gone through and will go through but all of us know what these kinds of men are about. stay strong in those next couple of weeks when you've shut all these, facebook and your cellphone, off so you can recover.

i know you are so emotionally messed up right now that's why it's important to shut this person out of your life and recover. spend lots of time with other friends and family that love you so you don't feel alone.

Re: I don't understand men....

haniya honey .. its gona hurt u a lot of u dont cut off all ties with him..all types of contact..

use ur willpower taht must be wiht u this ramzan .. take him out of ur life .. he broke it off not u ..if he wants u back he has to do it the right way otherwise he can go to ..

Re: I don't understand men....

mama's boy. :D

Re: I don't understand men....

men r really a very complex / complicated species on earth ... please jst dont take them so easy ... :D

Re: I don't understand men....

why should we be always understanding....

why should nt the men understand us... they have more grey cells than the simple ladies..

the world has changed and women should realize that ;)

Re: I don't understand men....

oh come such man's can be never a good friend and never be a good lover!

leave it

Re: I don't understand men....

I agree, ignore him!

Re: I don't understand men....

Just because you broke up doesnt mean he stopped missing you or caring for you. Those feelings still come out - sometimes at the most inopportune moments. He may not say it but he obviously still misses you.

The thing is, it takes a long time for people who fall in love to fall out and come that friendship stage. Its not instant and expecting it is unreasonable.

Cut off all contact, get over him and then see if you can be friends with him. For now...you cannot.

Re: I don't understand men....

Men and women who have had a relationship going in the past can never be just friends again, EVER.

Re: I don't understand men....

Agreed (with everyone excepty CM). It is going to be really sad and hard but you need to cut him off, cold turkey. No phone calls, no texts, no emails and especially no FB. You've got to take each other off your friends list. If you don't, you might end up a lunatic, frantically checking to see if he has updated his status. You'll be constantly wondering where he is and what he is doing. When other girls write on his wall, you'll get SO jealous even if you'd never felt jealous before. You might even feel betrayed when he is out having fun.
For my last breakup, the only way that made it any better was by us promising each other that in case of emergency, we'd still be there for each other. It is much easier to swallow than erasing him from your life completely. It is still going to be brutally tough. I can feel your pain I was in am almost identical situation. My bf gave in to his parents and said he'd follow their plans, yet he I loved him to death and he loved me to death so it was horrific.

If you continue like this, he may even continue to talk to you, even after he is married (exact same situation happened to a Pakistani guy friend of mine). You're going to feel worse and worse; morally you'll be behaving terribly (interfering in a marriage) and it will be a disaster.

Honestly, if he doesn't want to marry that girl cousin of his, he doesn't HAVE to. He is letting it happen for whatever reason (I know parents can be crazy manipulative and mean) but still, keep in mind, this is also his choice. He's choosing to keep his parents happy over you. He had to choose to either loose his parents/family or you, and he choose them, so if it helps, remind yourself of that and let yourself feel angry at him. Anger will help you get over him faster. If you continue to love him, and glaze over his flaws, you may continue to harbor feelings for him for years.

All of this advice comes from experience... hard earned experience. I wish you all the best.

Oh and my last consolation, when I'm feeling really sad about losing someone. I remind myself that I'll see them in heaven and since relationships are different there (ie not marriage), it wouldn't be haram. I know it sounds corny but it helps a bit without giving false hope for a reunion on earth.

Re: I don't understand men....

His fb doesn't have any girls writing all over it, or any flirtatious comments, he's a good guy. So his fb doesn't hurt me, as far as the other girl is concerned, well his mom suggested this girl, but there is no serious talk about anything happening for another 4-5 years. Also I tried hating him or thinking about his flaws, truth is, he has soooooo many good qualities that they mask his bad ones, so I can't even be angry at him. And I don't blame him for giving into his parents, I know how moms can be too, and if I had a son, I'd want him to pick family over "some girl" too.

Why can't we end up with the person we want? Why do parents have to be so difficult and make everything complicated? Truth is, he has all the qualities I want in a guy :(

Where do you find the himmat to "cold turkey" it? I find it so hard to delete his pics, mssgs, or to even remove him from fb, etc :(

btw your jannat idea doesn't sound corny, I think the same.

Re: I don't understand men....

Because he knows he can have you as a second fiddle.

Re: I don't understand men....

jesus kids these days. don't you guys have jobs or school or something? how do you guys get time to get involved in so much drama?

Re: I don't understand men....

He cried in front of you? How more sissy can this guy get? that scene should have been enough to dump him there and then!!!

Re: I don't understand men....

If we take you and the guy out of the picture, the only person really and truly getting hurt is the new girl. Please be fair to her - his mother suggested that proposal and he accepted it. Now, whether or not you guys are friends, ex whatever, this is unfair to her.

Re: I don’t understand men…

itz not that easy to accept someone else in ur beloved’s life..itz easy said than done..jis pe guzerti wohi jaanta hai :hinna:

Re: I don't understand men....

All means of communications should be cut. Be it Facebook, phone email etc.

Change your cell #, block him on Facebook, filter his mail to junk, all this for nothing else but for you guys to move on.

and why is it assumed that "its easy for guys to move on"

oh and did I tell you, DELETE ALL PAST COMMUNICATION ...even if you have to do it "dil per pather rakh ker". This is the best thing that cant be undone ...

Re: I don't understand men....

i am not sure if i understand them or not!

but many times i just make up my mind to never get married!
Just get a job and live happily ever after with my mom!

Re: I don't understand men....

That is so childish to think....Every human has desires, needs companionship ( not the sibling or parental ) so you need to have partner in life. You may realize it after some time but I suggest the sooner the better.

Re: I don't understand men....

Like D6C said...
Delete whatever texts he sent you.
Delete whatever messages he wrote to you via email/fb.
Do this because you'll have a tendency to look at them and remember him.

If you feel guilty about going cold turkey on him, then send him one last message. Tell him that you two cannot be friends. His mom won't accept you and you're not going to wait around and get too emotionally involved, it's not healthy for you. You need to get on with your life. Wish him well. It's up to you if you want to wait for him to answer, but regardless of what his reply is, delete him and block his number.

He may seem like the perfect guy right now... but you'll find another perfect guy inshAllah.