I dont see a ring...

[ria1328]

@redvelvet

"Not the same as if the person knowingly hits on someone who is not married."

Diwana...............marriage is the only legal commitment in Islam.........I get that.

And according to Islam........GF/BF relationship holds zilch value.

^And if you're going by that premise......than you might say that the absence of a marriage makes the individual "fair game."

BUT........what me and DB are saying is that EVEN A MARRIAGE (which is considered halal, sacred, and has legal worth) is not enough to deter someone.............so how much of a deterrence would a lesser relationship be? It wouldn't.

Most of those people that go after the married population aren't Muslims though. They come from the fed up society where every person if a piece of nice juicy meat!

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Ahhh it's good to be back!

[redvelvet]

Most of those people that go after the married population aren't Muslims though. They come from the fed up society where every person if a piece of nice juicy meat!

Ahhh it's good to be back!

The people the OP is talking about aren't Muslim.

And does a "ring" hold any value from an Islamic perspective..........nope.

The ring wearer (Muslim or not) can cheat.

One who sees a ring on a person (Muslim or otherwise) may or may not be deterred.

[ria1328]

The people the OP is talking about aren't Muslim.

And does a "ring" hold any value from an Islamic perspective..........nope.

The ring wearer (Muslim or not) can cheat.

One who sees a ring on a person (Muslim or otherwise) may or may not be deterred.

Damn I forgot about all of that. Which is true. Okay, so I get the reasoning of the chick that the OP was talking about. But it also takes two to tango, no? Just cause one person is interested AND initiates, doesn't mean that the other will follow through. As much as it pains me to say this, I do believe there are some people who are sincere and trustworthy if they are in any relationship.

[diwana]

@redvelvet

“Not the same as if the person knowingly hits on someone who is not married.”

Diwana…marriage is the only legal commitment in Islam…I get that.

And according to Islam…GF/BF relationship holds zilch value.

^And if you’re going by that premise…than you might say that the absence of a marriage makes the individual “fair game.”

BUT…what me and DB are saying is that EVEN A MARRIAGE (which is considered halal, sacred, and has legal worth) is not enough to deter someone…so how much of a deterrence would a lesser relationship be? It wouldn’t.

I do see your point but where both you and DB are not correct is that even thoug at least you acknowledge that marriage and GF/BF relationship have very different levels you are still trying to ignore the differences between these ‘relationships’.

The question is not about comparing two relations either so why bring lesser relation?

Like I said above, married relationship and being hit by someone while being married is a different issue.

It does matter if someone knowlingly hit on a married person than on a person who is just in dating relationship.

In latter situation, the person who hits on the person not married is still justified and not at all wrong and in former situation the person is wrong.

Thanks for dodging my question above by the way.

[redvelvet]

Damn I forgot about all of that. Which is true. Okay, so I get the reasoning of the chick that the OP was talking about. But it also takes two to tango, no? Just cause one person is interested AND initiates, doesn't mean that the other will follow through. As much as it pains me to say this, I do believe there are some people who are sincere and trustworthy if they are in any relationship.

You're right, the other person does not have to reciprocate.

But, the OP didn't say that the cute coworker was going to cheat on his girlfriend. She only said that another female coworker thinks he's fair game because there's no ring on his finger. And the OP was asking if the absence of a ring is a strong enough hindrance...as it indicates a commitment.

It's not about reciprocity here.....more about the ring and it's symbol of being taken.

[NaMaan]

Re: I dont see a ring...

I Know for sure that guy won't mind at all :D

[CM]

Re: I dont see a ring…

Now if a guy had said that people would be calling him a creep and what not. But if its a discussion between ladies, its “interesting” and god knows what else? <-------------- My new favorite smilie!

[Scarface]

For some guys even a baby in women's lap in not enough deterrence :(

[Reha]

@CM

Now if a guy had said that people would be calling him a creep and what not. But if its a discussion between ladies, its “interesting” and god knows what else? <-------------- My new favorite smilie!

Not true…the point of the thread is to find out if its right to hit on someone who is in a relationship…is it really the same as marriage?

@NiceUsman

For some guys even a baby in women’s lap in not enough deterrence

Yeah, thats true. LOL

[diwana]

Re: I dont see a ring...

^ The baby in her lap could be her little sibling...;)

[diwana]

Re: I dont see a ring…

One woman to other: I am single but everyone says I need to do something for my looks. Everyone thinks I look like the mother of four kids.

Other woman: Besharam Log. They lie.

You look like the mother of only one child!

[clad]

Re: I dont see a ring...

girlfriend/boyfriend is enough to deter the opposite sex!!!!

Just Imagen your self as his girl friend !!!

[libranrulz]

Re: I dont see a ring...

Diwana man, I completely disagree with you on this topic. It is your preception, as a muslim that marriage hold significant value and all that is associated with it. Also, it is your preception, again as a muslim, that relationships hold no value and do not mean much. Again this is based on your preception and point of view.

For most people, that are not muslim (and infact for many muslims as well) it just does not hold true. Most people think that if a person is in a comitted relationship (no matter what the level of commitment is), they are off limits and you shouldn't be persuing them in in that fashion.

However, like other people have posted, it does not stop people from doing that. Heck people have affairs even after marriage and thats a different issue. As far as I am concerned and what I think is morally right; someone in a comitted relationship should be enough to deter people. Thats my two cents

[diwana]

@libranrulz

Diwana man, I completely disagree with you on this topic. It is your preception, as a muslim that marriage hold significant value and all that is associated with it. Also, it is your preception, again as a muslim, that relationships hold no value and do not mean much. Again this is based on your preception and point of view.

For most people, that are not muslim (and infact for many muslims as well) it just does not hold true. Most people think that if a person is in a comitted relationship (no matter what the level of commitment is), they are off limits and you shouldn't be persuing them in in that fashion.

However, like other people have posted, it does not stop people from doing that. Heck people have affairs even after marriage and thats a different issue. As far as I am concerned and what I think is morally right; someone in a comitted relationship should be enough to deter people. Thats my two cents

I see where you are coming from but you may have misconception that I am speaking based on religion here. :)

All I have said is that there is no such thing as 'commitment' even in bf/gf relation for those who are in this relation.

Commitment is in marriage.

Fishing and trying before buying is bf/gf. bf/gf know other person could leave anytime without even needing an explanation.

"We can't be together forever, I am sorry"

"We need to talk"

Or even stop calling! And that's it.

Both bf/gf are in this relation because they do not want to 'commit'.

And if they do feel committed or pretend to be committed fine. A third person knows they are not.

The moment one person finds a bettter person to be with. Off this person goes. Happens all the time. No real strings attached. (Unless a child is involved, house is bought together etc. But again, does not mean they are committed for life)

It is perfectly OK for a third person to try to 'sell' himself or 'herself' to these non-committed people. The emphasis here is on being 'non-committed'.

After marriage doors to looking and accepting someone's advances are closed (except when the marriage goes south and things do not work out, divorce is imminent), but not in bf/gf relation.

To get out of marriage, you need certain responsibilities to fulfill. Not always in bf/gf relation.

Why do we try to make bf/gf relation equal as marriage?

Marriage has its own sanctity and level.

Can we not have respect for marriage relationship to keep it separate from other kind of relations? Not necessarily because of religion.

I hope my position is better understood. :)

[Princess1983]

Re: I dont see a ring...

A gf/bf should be enough to deter others but sometimes it never happens. The same applies to the actual person in question-having a partner should be enough for them to not act on any advances.

Truth is we get people who don't even respect the fact someones married and make a move on them.

When I was younger and worked in the leisure industry I'm aware of two of my management having affairs (yes two) one of which was married, and the colleague he slept with was fully aware of the fact. The other was engaged (now married) and the girl he kissed etc was aware of that.

It should work both ways, but a ring shouldn't represent level of commitment to anyone. My husband doesn't wear one, whereas I do as previously I had an issue (even though I work with ladies) whereby 'aunties' were offering my ristaas, and to basically get them off by back without being rude I started wearing a plain silver band. It got the message across to aunties, I haven't taken it off in fear of them thinking it's giving them the greenlight to start hounding me (as a sidenote, I'm not bigging myself up, these aunties were looking for a desi Brit girl to bring over family from Pakistan).

[diwana]

Re: I dont see a ring...

^I think marriage is a separate issue. Mixing bf/gf relation with marriage is bound to create confusion and misconceptions.

[nidasak]

Re: I dont see a ring...

^^^LOLS!!

[libranrulz]

I see where you are coming from but you may have misconception that I am speaking based on religion here. :)

All I have said is that there is no such thing as 'commitment' even in bf/gf relation for those who are in this relation.

Commitment is in marriage.

Fishing and trying before buying is bf/gf. bf/gf know other person could leave anytime without even needing an explanation.

"We can't be together forever, I am sorry"

"We need to talk"

Or even stop calling! And that's it.

Both bf/gf are in this relation because they do not want to 'commit'.

And if they do feel committed or pretend to be committed fine. A third person knows they are not.

The moment one person finds a bettter person to be with. Off this person goes. Happens all the time. No real strings attached. (Unless a child is involved, house is bought together etc. But again, does not mean they are committed for life)

It is perfectly OK for a third person to try to 'sell' himself or 'herself' to these non-committed people. The emphasis here is on being 'non-committed'.

After marriage doors to looking and accepting someone's advances are closed (except when the marriage goes south and things do not work out, divorce is imminent), but not in bf/gf relation.

To get out of marriage, you need certain responsibilities to fulfill. Not always in bf/gf relation.

Why do we try to make bf/gf relation equal as marriage?

Marriage has its own sanctity and level.

Can we not have respect for marriage relationship to keep it separate from other kind of relations? Not necessarily because of religion.

I hope my position is better understood. :)

I totally and completely disagree iwht you. I think its your misconception that poeple in a relationship are not comitted. Even if I am just friends with anyone I have a certain level of commitment towards them. Whatever arguments you have against relationship, all of em apply to marriage too. People just walk out on their marriages (refer to another inlaw thread in life1). There are a billion examples of everything that you have said against relationships happening in marriages.

Just assuming people in relationships are not comitted is just ignorance tbh. You're saying that there is a certain type of sanctity in marriage, again thats a part of the culture that we have been brought up in that teaches us that and it is not the same for everyone. I am not in any way saying that bf/gf relationship equates to a marriage couple or some how one is better than the other. My culture and up bringing tells me that marriage is better but that might not hold true for everyone and I don't want to label anyone anything based on how I have been brought up.

I know people who are not married and have more commitment towards each other than most married people I know. They are not married yet because of external circumstances (financial situation/studies e.t.c.), but that doesn't mean they are not going to get married or end up being together. What I am trying to say here is do not judge everyone by your own yard stick. Marriage does not equal to commitment and a bf/gf relationship does not equal lack of commitment either. Most of the time bf/gf relationship equates to commitment towards each other. We are not in their shoes, we don't know their state of mind and what is going through their head and we shouldn't be judging anyones level of commitment based on the relationship status.

[diwana]

I totally and completely disagree iwht you. I think its your misconception that poeple in a relationship are not comitted. Even if I am just friends with anyone I have a certain level of commitment towards them. Whatever arguments you have against relationship, all of em apply to marriage too. People just walk out on their marriages (refer to another inlaw thread in life1). There are a billion examples of everything that you have said against relationships happening in marriages.

Just assuming people in relationships are not comitted is just ignorance tbh. You're saying that there is a certain type of sanctity in marriage, again thats a part of the culture that we have been brought up in that teaches us that and it is not the same for everyone. I am not in any way saying that bf/gf relationship equates to a marriage couple or some how one is better than the other. My culture and up bringing tells me that marriage is better but that might not hold true for everyone and I don't want to label anyone anything based on how I have been brought up.

I know people who are not married and have more commitment towards each other than most married people I know. They are not married yet because of external circumstances (financial situation/studies e.t.c.), but that doesn't mean they are not going to get married or end up being together. What I am trying to say here is do not judge everyone by your own yard stick. Marriage does not equal to commitment and a bf/gf relationship does not equal lack of commitment either. Most of the time bf/gf relationship equates to commitment towards each other. We are not in their shoes, we don't know their state of mind and what is going through their head and we shouldn't be judging anyones level of commitment based on the relationship status.

Great...I would love to answer all those. No problem. :)

Please refer to my above posts where I said marriage and bf/gf relationship are two different ways of living.

Mixing them both is not going to be helpful.

And if I correctly think, the discussion is about the ring or not. Not dating or marriage.

Anyhow,

Allow me to ask.

Do you agree with the difference between these relationships or not?

If no then why not?

[korn666]

Re: I dont see a ring...

To ring or not to ring aint the issue here

It is totally in ones head male or female, married men or women slip, then again we r talking aba singles here ;)