I had my nikkah recently. I am very happy with the decision & there is this chemistry between us but we don’t live in the same country as with many couples. We both enjoyed the time we spent when he was here but there is a different problem.
I have still not realized that I am married. I just signed at 4 places on a piece of paper & i am some one’s wife! When we are together, i feel attracted to him, he teases me by calling me all spouse related names but I don’t at all feel married or the feeling that HE IS MY HUSBAND or I AM MARRIED. Its like the moment passed by & never absorbed. I felt things that would have been memories passed by in a hush and never engraved in my memory due to my lack of realization of the meaning of being a spouse, or signing nikkah nama & the likes. Maybe Ill feel it when the rukhsati happens but I am upset about this absence of marital feeling. I should have it, he has it .. I like him & wouldn’t change anything but why is it so hard to accept things? Why is it so difficult for it to be engraved in my head that I am married, that i need to act a little differently, that i need to act carefully in places, that i need to know my responsibility towards him & my in-laws, even though he isnt here. This lack of feeling is leading me to lack of realization and to lack of responsibility. Some body please help me realize I am married & a wife.
This probably is the weirdest thread on Life1, i know but it truly is upsetting for me.
i'm guessing its an arranged nikkah or at least you didnt know him for years, dated him and then decided to get a nikkah. I would think that its normal to not feel like you're married just after signing a piece of paper, unless there are some major changes like you start living with the guy.
Instead of being upset, why dont you pretend like you're dating him now (in a halal way) and when the rukhsati happens you'll seriously realize you're married lol when you have to do the chores. i think you're just freaking out and looking for a problem when there is none. So maybe you're not like one of those girls that all of a sudden have the epiphany that you're married and your whole personality changes. its ok!! relax and enjoy this time with him and away from him, missing him and stuff...cuz eventually you will be spending all your life with him...you'll feel married when you live in a house with him, doing chores, cooking, doing husband/wifey things...or maybe when you have a kid.
"Feeling like you're a wife" is not something to get upset over. you have all the right ingredients (he likes you, you like him, you enjoy each other's company)...the feeling of being a wife will come with time when you start living together and making other important decisions together in person!
that i need to act a little differently, that i need to act carefully in places, that i need to know my responsibility towards him & my in-laws, even though he isnt here. This lack of feeling is leading me to lack of realization and to lack of responsibility. Some body please help me realize I am married & a wife.
I'm assuming that you're still living with your parents. If I'm wrong in my assumption, please correct me. That being said....
Can you please explain the above b/c it really confused me? How should you "act differently" now that that nikah papers are signed? Especially in a situation where you and your husband are not living together....how do you think you behavior should change? What "responsiblity towards him and in-laws" do you think you're not fulfilling?
I understand that lifestyle changes happen once you're married and are living with your spouse. That bring obvious changes/adjustments that need to be made. But in a situation where you are not living with your spouse....I'm not sure what you feel should have changed as soon as you signed that piece of paper that has not changed......and is causing you so much distress.
You would feel more like a wife when you assume wifely duties. When you begin to fulfill that role beyond just the romance between him and you. Live upto your role as DIL SIL
It takes time. It took me a long time to absorb into the nikkah & having-a-husband feeling. I in fact don’t feel I am right there with that feeling even now .. so its natural!
aisa hotaa hai...jab saath rahne lageNgii to phir sab achchhaa ho jaayegaa...abhii aap donoN ke beech doorii hai is liye aisaa aiHsaas ho rahaa hai. Good Luck and **shaadii mubaarak. May Allah bless you guys and make your married life a happy one...aameen**
You've got a lifetime to feel married, inshAllah. No need to rush things. Once you have your ruksati it will feel more real and new experiences daily will make you feel married. Don't worry.
