Heart Desire,
Rise above it, girl. Put YOURSELF in your SIL's shoes. Have you seen the NUMEROUS.....perhaps even COUNTLESS threads in the Life and Relationships forum about toxic in-laws?????????? Have you read the many stories about women being mistreated by a cunning, conniving, insecure, jealous, bitter mother-in-law OR sister-in-law OR sometimes BOTH??????????
Don't allow yourself to be another statistic. Don't join the nasty....sister-in-law club. Rise above it. When I read your post............I was expecting to read a SLEW of horrible things that your bhabi has done. BUT INSTEAD.........the ONLY thing you mentioned is that she is opinionated and domineering. That's not enough to develop a grudge toward her.
There are basically two types of personalities: extroverted and introverted. Perhaps your bhabi is naturally extroverted. Such people have very strong personalities.....they are basically leaders. And they like to take charge. And they are not afraid to share their opinions.
And if you think about it......we need BOTH types of personalities in the world. If one group is good at leading......there has to be a group that should follow. But that's a broad example. Let's get back to your bhabi. Okay, so the woman is opinionated. So? Most of us have opinions about things. You have opinions about politics, fashion, movies, books, people, issues, etc etc etc. Is it a crime to have an opinion? And there will be times when you won't have an opinion about a subject because you're not very knowledgeable about it. I'll be honest.........I don't always have an opinion because I don't know all the details about an issue. But as long as one is NOT IMPOSING their opinion on someone else..........then it's all good.
SO ask yourself........is your bhabi forcing her opinions on you? Is she being rude to you or your parents? You've said everyone else is happy with her. Do you feel that she steps over your toes? For exmaple.......let's say that your family expects you do a certain task.......and bhabi (being the domineering person she is)........takes control. Does she do that? In that case.................TALK TO HER. Tell her nicely*........."Bhabi, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me handle this. You take a break, I want to take care of this on my own please"*
Is she totally discrediting your opinions during a discussion? If that's the case, simply tell her nicely, "Bhabi, we have differing views. And I believe that as mature adults, we both can at least agree to disagree. You are entitled to your opinion and I respect that. And I'm entitled to my own opinion." There, that's it.
Is she loud? Some people are naturally loud. It IS possible that you're letting your insecurities bother you. WE ALL HAVE INSECURITIES, it's human nature. But it's important to control our insecurities and not let them get the better of us to the point that we end up hurting the other person. Know what I mean? For example, some people let their jealousies get so out of control.......that they start putting others down in order to build themselves up. So, try to reflect over why you're feeling this way.
Maybe you can take the time out to get to know her better. Perhaps that will make you fele more comfortable. If you're having issues with her..........talk to her about it nicely. She's not a mind-reader. WE ALL have flaws in our personality........but it seems like there is MORE GOOD in your bhabi than bad........otherwise the rest of the family wouldn't like her so much.
At the end of the day.............realize that you can't change anyone. Just like nobody can change you. You can ONLY change how you react to a situation. If one is naturally an outgoing and opinionated and strong willed person.........you can't turn them into a passive person. Just like it's hard to turn an introverted person into an extrovert. But what you can do is try to adjust yourself to that person's personality. You're going to find strong opinionated people everywhere (family, workplace, etc).........you have to work around them and find a way to communicate your concerns tactfully. If the woman has harmed nobody......and her mistakes are minor..............see the good in her........get to know her.......and be nice to her.
When mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law become monsters.......they are only exposing to others how low they can go. You seem like a nice person and you want to correct the problem before it gets out of hand, so as I said earlier, rise above it. It's not like you live 24/7 with your bhabi. You don't see her on a daily basis. The few times you see her......you can deal with her patiently. Often times we deal with strangers that we're not crazy about........in a more tactful manner than we deal with our own relatives. Nobody is perfect.....not even your SIL.....no matter how many people in your family like her. She's human......she has flaws as YOU do. Overlook and show patience.....praise her for the good that you see.....show her kindness.......she'll bond with you in the process hopefully.