My brother is the closest person to me and I love him very much. The one person I want to get on with is his wife, but I just can not stand her.We just clash! She is a good person and I know that my brother is very happy with her. I thank her that she has made my brother happy- I just wish he hadn’t married her. I have to accept it and rise above it but it is just so hard. She is very intelligent, dominant and opinionated and takes over everything. The rest of my family think she is great so I feel alone.My brother lives in Canada, we speak often and have a very close relationship. He was married before and I got on with his prev wife. I am going to spend 2 months with them in a couple of months with my sister and brother in law (who love her dearly) and I don’t want to spoil it for them - I don’t want an atmosphere. How do I rise above it.Is it me and my insecurities.I don’t have a fancy job,I’m not articulate. Is it jealousy? She also doesn’t like it that we are so close.
Your brother's happiness, should be your first priority. He is happy, so you should be too ! Try to get to know your sis in law. She might be a good person after all, and you mention good qualities about her: Very intelligent, dominant and opinionated. These are not bad things to have in a woman. Give her a chance, without imposing or stepping on her toes.
Good luck and try to learn things from her !
Re: I dislike my sister in law
Is there any specific reason (besides her being opinionated and dominating) that makes you dislike her? Those aren't exactly bad qualities and it seems like she treats your brother pretty well too. So what is your complaint from her?
maybe you dislike her BECAUSE everyone likes her?
Heart Desire,
Rise above it, girl. Put YOURSELF in your SIL's shoes. Have you seen the NUMEROUS.....perhaps even COUNTLESS threads in the Life and Relationships forum about toxic in-laws?????????? Have you read the many stories about women being mistreated by a cunning, conniving, insecure, jealous, bitter mother-in-law OR sister-in-law OR sometimes BOTH??????????
Don't allow yourself to be another statistic. Don't join the nasty....sister-in-law club. Rise above it. When I read your post............I was expecting to read a SLEW of horrible things that your bhabi has done. BUT INSTEAD.........the ONLY thing you mentioned is that she is opinionated and domineering. That's not enough to develop a grudge toward her.
There are basically two types of personalities: extroverted and introverted. Perhaps your bhabi is naturally extroverted. Such people have very strong personalities.....they are basically leaders. And they like to take charge. And they are not afraid to share their opinions.
And if you think about it......we need BOTH types of personalities in the world. If one group is good at leading......there has to be a group that should follow. But that's a broad example. Let's get back to your bhabi. Okay, so the woman is opinionated. So? Most of us have opinions about things. You have opinions about politics, fashion, movies, books, people, issues, etc etc etc. Is it a crime to have an opinion? And there will be times when you won't have an opinion about a subject because you're not very knowledgeable about it. I'll be honest.........I don't always have an opinion because I don't know all the details about an issue. But as long as one is NOT IMPOSING their opinion on someone else..........then it's all good.
SO ask yourself........is your bhabi forcing her opinions on you? Is she being rude to you or your parents? You've said everyone else is happy with her. Do you feel that she steps over your toes? For exmaple.......let's say that your family expects you do a certain task.......and bhabi (being the domineering person she is)........takes control. Does she do that? In that case.................TALK TO HER. Tell her nicely*........."Bhabi, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me handle this. You take a break, I want to take care of this on my own please"*
Is she totally discrediting your opinions during a discussion? If that's the case, simply tell her nicely, "Bhabi, we have differing views. And I believe that as mature adults, we both can at least agree to disagree. You are entitled to your opinion and I respect that. And I'm entitled to my own opinion." There, that's it.
Is she loud? Some people are naturally loud. It IS possible that you're letting your insecurities bother you. WE ALL HAVE INSECURITIES, it's human nature. But it's important to control our insecurities and not let them get the better of us to the point that we end up hurting the other person. Know what I mean? For example, some people let their jealousies get so out of control.......that they start putting others down in order to build themselves up. So, try to reflect over why you're feeling this way.
Maybe you can take the time out to get to know her better. Perhaps that will make you fele more comfortable. If you're having issues with her..........talk to her about it nicely. She's not a mind-reader. WE ALL have flaws in our personality........but it seems like there is MORE GOOD in your bhabi than bad........otherwise the rest of the family wouldn't like her so much.
At the end of the day.............realize that you can't change anyone. Just like nobody can change you. You can ONLY change how you react to a situation. If one is naturally an outgoing and opinionated and strong willed person.........you can't turn them into a passive person. Just like it's hard to turn an introverted person into an extrovert. But what you can do is try to adjust yourself to that person's personality. You're going to find strong opinionated people everywhere (family, workplace, etc).........you have to work around them and find a way to communicate your concerns tactfully. If the woman has harmed nobody......and her mistakes are minor..............see the good in her........get to know her.......and be nice to her.
When mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law become monsters.......they are only exposing to others how low they can go. You seem like a nice person and you want to correct the problem before it gets out of hand, so as I said earlier, rise above it. It's not like you live 24/7 with your bhabi. You don't see her on a daily basis. The few times you see her......you can deal with her patiently. Often times we deal with strangers that we're not crazy about........in a more tactful manner than we deal with our own relatives. Nobody is perfect.....not even your SIL.....no matter how many people in your family like her. She's human......she has flaws as YOU do. Overlook and show patience.....praise her for the good that you see.....show her kindness.......she'll bond with you in the process hopefully.
Re: I dislike my sister in law
Dear u seems to be jealous from her.....instead of being jealous why dont u try to make urself like her.... if u like the qualities in her try to adop them......jealousy would only take u away not only from ur brother but to urself too. If she loves ur brother obvioulsly he loves her too.....and when they will have kids than u will also be jealous from the kids because ur brother will adore them.....Try to change urself by this u will not only help urslef but also will help ur brother's famlily as well. In this holy month let these jealousies and insecurities go away from u...u are a human being with same aims like everyone lelse has in this world. Let urself free than u would not only love urself but u would also love everyone around u........
I don't want to spoil it for them - I don't want an atmosphere. How do I rise above it.Is it me and my insecurities.**I don't have a fancy job,I'm not articulate. **Is it jealousy? She also doesn't like it that we are so close.
a fancy job doesn't make u a better person nor should it have any bearing on whether someone likes u or not--esp an in law.
also u are wrong, u have gone 6-7 posts w/o someone complaining abt ur language. that means we get u and u are pretty articulate. :D
i think u are just insecure...but in what ways do u not like her? how is it u can think she makes ur brother happy but not like her? thats wat confuses me....
Re: I dislike my sister in law
u r jealous and u should not be i mean she makes ur brother happy rite? u love ur brother so be happy he has a gud wife there r worse sil out there
HD honey you have already raised above it. U know ppl real well u are very aware of your own feeling. To me its an issue WELL dealt with.
hmmmm
now why u posting here ? trying to have fun ?
why u getting girls all worked up ? 
And you are aware of your insecurities ??? U are the first chick on the planet who admit having insecurities.
Don’t tell me you made this up?
Re: I dislike my sister in law
WHen you go to see her, make a pact with yourself:
YOu will do your absolute best to find the good in her and NOT dislike her.
Sometimes, for no good reason at all...we have to wipe the slate clean. SHe may not have done anything, she may just be a very outgoing person that rubs you the wrong way. Is that her fault though? No, not really.
This time, when you go...force yourself to be good to her. Pretty soon, you will start to see what others see in her. You have to open your mind to it though...you cannot expect your opinion to change without any effort to get to know her from your part. She cannot read your mind, ask you what is bothering you and fix it. And there may not even be a problem.
You need to start fresh, forget everything about her you dislike and pretend as if this is the first meeting. Make an effort to be nice. SHe may have noticed your discomfort with her and is reacting to it. So, you make an effort. Go to her, talk to her, ask her how work is, how her life is, etc. Face your insecurities head on so you can see...there is nothing to be insecure about.
Allah mian kisi ko kuch detey hein aur kisi ko kuch. No one has it all, always remember that.
My brother is the closest person to me and I love him very much. The one person I want to get on with is his wife, but I just can not stand her.We just clash! She is a good person and I know that my brother is very happy with her. I thank her that she has made my brother happy- I just wish he hadn't married her. I have to accept it and rise above it but it is just so hard. She is very intelligent, dominant and opinionated and takes over everything. The rest of my family think she is great so I feel alone.My brother lives in Canada, we speak often and have a very close relationship. He was married before and I got on with his prev wife. I am going to spend 2 months with them in a couple of months with my sister and brother in law (who love her dearly) and I don't want to spoil it for them - I don't want an atmosphere. How do I rise above it.Is it me and my insecurities.I don't have a fancy job,I'm not articulate. Is it jealousy? She also doesn't like it that we are so close.
I have a SIL(husband's sister) who is very very close to my husband. I can very confidently say that my husband loves his sister more than he loves his parents or himself. But I have never felt any jelousy or have never disliked it ! Unless and until when she interferes in my life which she very rarely does. So personally i don't think any wife would be jelous of her husband loving his sister unless this bro-sis love affects her rleationship with her husband negatively or when the sister is taking undue advantage of the love she is getting from her bro.
I support my husband when it comes to his sister , he speaks abt all her with me , he even shares those things/feelings/worries abt his sister that he doesnt even share with his parents.
The idea behind telling u abt my experience is that try to understand your brother's feeling for his wife. He is a common interest b/w you two and keep him happy and tension free you both can work things out. This will not only help you in creating a better relationship with your bhabi but it will also help your bro and bhabi creating a better relationship amongst themselves.
How do I rise above it.Is it me and my insecurities.I don't have a fancy job,I'm not articulate.
You dont have any reason to feel insecure. You and your brother have a BLOOD RELATIONSHIP which can never ever end or break !
Fancy Job will not help your family to love you more ,..... with or without a fancy job you family will love you. Believe me your loved ones are least bothered abt these things.
Just feel happy and proud to have a loving brother like you have .......many of us dont have such loving brothers or dont have brothers at all !!!! Once you will start feeling that your family is your most prized possesion and your biggest asset you will get rid of your insecurities.
Re: I dislike my sister in law
for a moment i thought you were talking about me 
… but then u wrote your SIL has a fancy job 
anyways … i also dont get along with my SIL (jaithani??) … we did have a panga once … for the same reason that she was trying to read too much into my actions … and in fact there was nothing … i am just a bit out there than other people … and nobody seems to mind this fact in my in-laws … because i have a positive impact on their boy! and she isnt so clever with her words …
so save yourself the hassle and embarrassment of being the cause of something sour …
my SIL was trying to get attention with all her crying and **** … but ofcourse i dont take such things seriously … and i just ended it by saying sorry **myself to her **… i did it to end it because the tension in the air was getting on my nerves … but it only ended with her husband having to come and apologize to me … and he is known to be quite stubborn and inflexible.
so save yourself and your family any embarrassment for you being so naive.
we are now good around each other … regardless of whether it comes from the heart or not …
Re: I dislike my sister in law
Heart Desire, perhaps u don't like the CONTROL she has over your brother now. Their life is together now, be happy for them and stop hating her.