Re: I am a proud DESI
Keep in mind that every language in the world has its own unique vocabulary and slang. The word "paindu" is part of desi slang language. I have a sense of pride in various aspects of my native language including our unique slang.
Now, let's analyze the word "paindu". The word paindu can mean different things to people. "Paindu" can mean someone who has a cheap mentality or crude way of talking and acting. For example, if I read or hear stories of villagers murdering their daughters in honor killings......to me that's cheap mentality or "paindu" behavior. If I hear about a mother-in-law commiting attrocities against her daughter-in-law....that to me is "paindu" mentality. Paindu can mean jaahil sometimes as well.
Americans have their own terms/slang in the English language that indicate disapproval....examples like "eeew" "yuck" "gross" "that is sooo gay" "that is so fruity'' "what a LOSER" "that is so cheesy" "what a village idiot", etc, etc. A gora might see another gora wearing unflattering clothes and say something like "Eeew what a Loser....that outfit is a FASHION CRIME." Similarly a desi might see another desi wearing unflattering clothes and say "Eeew....what paindu style."
I will agree with you that it's admirable to be proud of your heritage and culture instead of pretending to deny your background and roots. At the same time....I also believe that one should look at their culture with an open mind....that way we can work on improving our problem areas that are plaguing desi society. There is nothing wrong with admitting that your culture might have some problem areas that need to be fixed.
It's best not to generalize. There's nothing wrong with listening to your spouse. That is not a particularly "desi" behavior. However, if one's husband is abusive.....then a wife should not tolerate his paindu behavior. All marriages are different. I haven't seen any desi who has complained about roti. Most desis that I have met have such PRIDE in desi cooking and cuisine. However....some people may personally not like spicy desi food. And many desis in universities are so involved in organziations like *PSA *(Pakistani Student Association) and their events show the interest they have in their culture.
I wear shalwar kameez at home. My sister doesn't feel comfortable in it. Doesn't mean she's anti-desi. She just prefers wearing western clothes....always has. My sister** LOVES to watch desi dramas while she's dressed in her jeans and t-shir. ME...on the other hand......I don't like desi dramas very much (especially Indian ones) becaue i find their concepts and story lines to be **pathetic.....and i'm the one wearing the shalwar kameez.
*What I'm trying to say is that it's hard to generalize people because there are so many dimensions to their personalities.
*
And not all desis living abroad are as you described. While they may not like a few aspects of their culture does not mean that they are ashamed of being desi on the whole.