i accept i am wrong but it doesn't help

[shk_14]

@baynishan

i am 24 years old. i didn’t have a very good childhood because i lived in a joint family system and my mom had fights with my grandmother and she used to take her anger out on me and then it become her habit. i sorta know she loves me but she didn’t treat me very well when i was younger and even now. then i was told my all my family that i am not very pretty (and that was somehow my fault) uptill i was 15 years old i was under a horrible case of inferior complex but ALHAMDULILAH i over came that.
i had a very unhappy childhood because of all that.
right now i am in college and i feel like this is so far the best time of my life because i don’t stay at home as much so i don’t have to deal with all the drama at home.

i always wished that my life would get better when i will get married. ever since i was kid i imagined my self getting married at the age of 18 and get away from my family and live with my husband who would love and care for me. (despite the fact i am not pretty)

but i am 24 and unmarried because there hasn’t been a decent proposal.

the problem is that i get very jealous and unhappy when i see happy people. friends, family, and even the people i don’t know like if i read a news about a tv actor getting marry or something.

one of my friends just got married, she is a year younger than me and the youngest sister so she is very ladli. i have always envied her, and now she has gotten married so that is constantly making me depressed.

it’s not that i don’t want her to be happy, i wish her a happy life. and i also know that ALLATHALA has different plans for everyone and when my time will come i will be married and happy. but i still get depressed and constantly feel unhappy.

i hate my self, i hate being such a horrible person, but i just can’t help feeling sad.

what should i do?

salam there i dont mean to say anything that hurts u buts u cant even imagine what relation i had gone through with my parents …but at the end they are our parents i had many anger and bombs lol in me that u cant even imagine same is the case with my sis too as a result she became a wild person but i just kept on telling her not to worry Allah is there …all deeds have to answerable …think positive u know i just thought that my mom never grewed she is her self a childish person…i just made my mind that nothing to take on my self.so dont worry but again marrige is no key plz plz dont think that marring will get u out of it ur the one who has to go through out i thought of the same that i will get married and move away but u know i got so possasive as i always want my hubby to be with me and thats wrong he has has his own works..his job his family so the thing chnged me totallly so there is no going away just u are the one to help u …as other says let ur self to be bizyyyyyyyy as i did and i studied a lot to kepp me away from all the mess.
so Allah bless u and calm down and another thing which i though my self that is i have nothing to be worried of as if i see other people situation there is a lot more bad in there lifes and mine is nothing.