…well i thought marriage will solve my problem when i was 12 years old and just had a argument with mother and i thought about my cousin’s wife who had just gotten married at the age of 18 and how happy she was and how everyone was spoiling her (she is now mother of 4 kids, still very pretty but had gain ton of weight, and she fights with her MIL 24/7) but that idea sort of got stuck in my mind and i thought i can’t really have messed up life twice, if i have a bad childhood i must have a good married life.
or what ever, at that time i just wanted to get away from my family.
but now i really do want to get married, one by one i have lost all my good friends to marriage cuz now they all are so busy with their husband and kids, and don’t have time for me 
thank so much for all the suggestion. as i said before i did over come my inferior complex after i truned 17 i guess.
it’s not that i feel ugly anymore it’s just that i don’t feel needed and wanted. and not getting a decent proposal has just increased those feeling.
right now i am just not liking my feelings toward the people who are happy and more successful in life. like my friend who just got married. i am so jealous of her that just looking at her wedding picture brought tears in my eyes.
i don’t want to be that way.