Would you date someone with a history of mental illness - specifically depression? Someone with ADHD, depression and has OD’d on meds in the past but now had their shiz together?
I am not talking about falling in love etc. Thats different. But if you knew this about the person before even talking to them, would you still do it?
What do you guys or gals think?
How would you deal with it? Think marriage would end up crappier because of it? Would you have to put more effort than normal?
I had a super love crush on a guy that had some mental illness. His mother hides it like he has the plague, but I would’ve married him because there’s just something about love that blinds you to all that. Practicality takes a back seat for a while.
There are women married to guys that get similar seizures but im guessing it’s a huge amount of pressure on the person that is the spouse of someone with a disorder like that. You have to be on high alert at all times.
If people with clinical depression don’t take their meds, it can lead them to commit suicide.
Would people marry those with physical illnesses? I think both place a certain amount of burden (for want of a better word) on the other spouse, we’re all just generally more wary of mental health problems.
What happens if a spouse develops a physical or mental illness after marriage? Would people leave them? What if you develop a mental health problem?
Personally, I wouldn’t think twice about something like depression. It shouldn’t define the person.
I think more than the presence of a mental health problem, I’d want to know how they deal with their problems and life. I’d want my potential husband to have a certain mentality about life - and that includes things like insight and mindfulness/resilience etc, including when it comes to his own mental health.
I think it’s trickier when we’re talking about personality disorders and tendencies that are so intertwined with people’s attitudes and behaviours.
Then again, I know people with personality traits that have sought help and have turned it into positives (one of them is a close friend who I just find inspirational).
So, in short, no. The mere presence of a mental health illness wouldn’t put me off, but the person’s approach to life and the disorder might.
Since falling in love is already out of the scenario, It for sure is a test of patience. So depends a lot upon how patient you are. And then it also depends upon the degree of depression or disorder. A lot many times its there but controllable. It can be controlled by meds, can be with other activities and most of all, by providing enough happiness.
And as per given, if everything is cool now, they why not? I would go for it.
As @Hoverer said what if it gets developed after marriage? It’ll go back to the point of knowing its severity.
Sometimes people with no depression or any sorta disorder come out as the most toxic ones.
In the specific scenario you gave, no, I would not choose to fall in love with someone like this. If a person just had ADHD and it was under control, then yes. If the person had depression but has a stable history of keeping it under control through therapy/meds, and the depression has not effected their school/career, then yes.
But someone who has ADHD and depression and has a history of suicide? No. Marriage is stressful. Life gets hectic/stressful even more once you have kids. I would not choose to have a partner who has a much higher chance of falling apart (to the point of potentially committing suicide) when life gets rough.
Of course, things like this can develop after marriage. The future is uncertain. All we can do is make decisions based on the information currently in front of us. While I would not leave my husband if he developed issues after marriage, I certainly would not knowingly choose someone who has such serious problems.
Look at it this way, how many men would knowingly marry a woman knowing she can’t have kids? Compare that to men who find out after marriage that biological kids are not possible due to wife, and yet stay in the marriage and consider adoption/surrogacy etc.
It should be kept in mind that in US, anti-psychotic medicines are over-prescribed according to some reports which blame it on big pharmaceutical companies. 1 in 6 people here are taking those medicines. I would not rule out someone merely because they took or are taking such medicines. It would depend how their highs and lows manifests like.
I would hate to discriminate anyone based upon their medical condition, be it love or otherwise, but, the truth is it’s a major undertaking. It takes more than to be with one with physical illness.