In real scenarios, not movies that is, how did your husbands act during the pregnancy? Were they able to handle your mood swings and tantrums? Were they able to give you a margin? Did they help around with work? Did they show their excitement related to pregnancy? Did they participate fully by going to all appointments and keeping up to date about growth of pregnancy and changes in you?
Today is the first day of my 4th month. As for me,my husband doesnt let ne pick heavy stuff and doesnt give me extra work to do. But he cant handle my mood swings,he gets agitated too quickly with me. Sometimes, he gets angry without realizing how sensitive one is during this period. He has been to a few of the checkups and is always happy to see the baby in a scan but usually he acts as if pregnancy is my sole responsibility and what wver happens to me is usually my own fault. Of course it stresses me out. I dont know how to make him understand that i can be unreasonable and i juat need his care and attention during this time. If i involve him during the baby’s weekly growth he says ‘you might think i am old fashioned but apni nazar lag jati hai’ so dont tell me this stuff, i want baby’s related things to be a surprise. And then i end up feeling alone in this whole thing. I start to feel baby is my responsibility only since his dad is not expressive about it. He keeps his feelings to himself.
Dont know what to do,how were your husbands during this time?
Eeek my husband wouldn’t be able to handle my mood swings too. He just doesn’t like it when I act up… lol. I keep mood swings low… if I am mad at something I tell him nicely. He doesn’t help me with housework at all. But he does appreciate everything I do, though he does none of it.
To be honest pregnancy is no excuse to make someone else’s day miserable. Read Quran, read about your baby’s growth, prepare for your newborn. My husband is one of those who don’t care until the baby is born. I am pregnant with our second. He didn’t care much when I was pregnant with my first either. Now that child is part of our lives, it’s a totally different thing. He loves him.
aww thats sad (hug) and i totally understand how you feel but spiral is right in that you should keep your tantrums to a minimum cause even if he wants to be understanding sometimes the tantrums turn them off and thats when they start acting like they dont care. Alhumdulillah my husband has been more than amazing throughout my pregnancy so far.. i am 15 weeks today (MashaAllah). at the start of my pregnancy i was finishing med school and was in a different city so after we found out i was pregnant he came and stayed with me for 3 weeks (till I finished my last exam) and at that time i had the worst morning sickness and he wouldnt let me move a finger he cooked and cleaned and everything. but now Alhumdulillah I am much better and now i am at home with him and my in laws and I do most of the housework (my mil is not well right now) and he helps me around the house A LOT! whenever hes at home he does the dishes just so I wont. and cooks and other days hes just like oh we dont need to cook cause im bringing take out lol. I feel so blessed that he takes such good care of me. but at the sametime if i was throwing a tantrum he wouldn’t put up with it.. he wouldnt be rude but he will just be quiet which i know means hes mad and i went overboard lol so I think you should not throw tantrums as hard as that may be but keep them to a minimum and im sure he will understand. As for him being involved in the babys appointments and ultrasounds - he goes to all of them with me so far. But thats also cause I schedule them according to his schedule and since I am at home right now full time I can do that so it depends on your hubbys schedule. dont be too harsh if he cant make it to all of them. i know some dads just realize their responsibility once they have the baby. and maybe the reason my husband helps me around the house is cause he realizes its a lot of work with his mom being ill and me going to all her appointments with her and taking care of her (having to cook 2 separate meals cause she cant eat spices at all) so he really appreciates what i do for him and his family and that just makes him want me to rest more. its very sweet cause i hateee waking up in the morning and before i used to wake up and make everyones breakfast but recently i have not been sleeping well at night and my mil told him to let me rest more cause i seemed weak to her or something lol so now every morning i try to wake up for their breakfast he puts me back to sleep and makes the breakfast instead.
I am not currently pregnant but i attended a childbirth class with a friend. The gave some great info about the husband’s role during labour . This was useful.
It is the labour experience from perspective of the father and how a husband can be supportive in all stages of labour.
I think a husband should be supportive during pregnancy and labour. If he is not you still need to have support. In that case your parents, siblings or friends can step in. It wont be the same but i think it can still be helpful.
lol, i haven’t been able to keep my tantrums in control…and he HAS to deal with it. Husband should be understanding regarding our emotional imbalance during pregnancy and how we have NO control over our emotions. Even my brothers are understanding and take it.
But my husband does help out a lot. We both work full time and have a toddler as well, so there are things we already have divided up. But due to a little complication, i am not able to pick up things off the floor too much to up and down the stairs too much either. So handles a lot more. He is also taken over shower cleaning as i am not able to do that part.
My husband cooked, cleaned and (we were moving at the time) packed the entire house alone because I was still in my first trimester.
His reactions to my tantrums were normal: he didn’t understand them because he didn’t go through them. No one knows what you’re dealing with unless they are in your shoes…and I guess as pregnant women we should also try to remember that our version of reasonable may not always be reasonable.
He went to all of my scans with me…not all doc appointments though. I went to all of my OBGYN appts myself because I could. I took him on my scans though…mine were every 4 weeks. He enjoyed it. He was always very quiet but he liked going. He was with me when we found out my son would have clubfoot…that was hard and I am glad he was there.
Reality: your life is changing…his is not. Right now, he won’t understand anything you tell him because this is not happening to him. When the baby is here, reality will sink in and he will be more active as a parent because a baby is also affecting his life.
My suggestion: involve him when the time is right. There’s no need for him to be everywhere you go and do everything you do…he will when the time comes and if you allow him to.
