No matter how many mistakes Mayfield made, he somehow always managed to place the blame on his wife.
One morning she stared at him and snapped, “Did you ever take time to think if you’ve got a brain?”
“Certainly not,” he retorted. “Such a thing would never enter my head.”
Fernell and his wife were taking their first cruise down to the Caribbean.
At breakfast the next morning she asked him,
“Did you hand over my jewels to the ship’s purser for safekeeping like I told you?”
“I didn’t have to, darlin’,” he replied, “there was a lovely little wall safe in the cabin called a porthole.”
Emmett had just described his vacation experiences to a friend.
“Sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” he said. “But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?”
“Well,” Emmett replied, “we changed our plans because, uh . . .”
His wife cut in, “Oh, tell him the truth, Em. It’s ridiculous. Emmett simply will not ask directions!”
typicalllll!
Clete, a young farm boy, and Lila Mae, his new wife, came home from their ten-day Las Vegas honeymoon.
The next evening the bridegroom, wanting to show off his newly discovered sophistication, volunteered to fix cocktails before their dinner.
Clete was out in the kitchen for a long time when his spouse came in and inquired, “Wot’s taking you so long?”
“Ah rinsed the ice cubes in this here hot water,” he replied, “and now Ah can’t find 'em!”
Guthrie was complaining to his wife that their neighbor kept sneaking up on him and slapping him on the chest and breaking the cigars in his pocket.
“But,” said Guthrie, “Ah figured out a way to teach him a lesson.”
“Watch yew gonna do?” asked Mrs. Guthrie.
“Ah’m gonna fix him!” said her husband. “The next time he slaps me on the chest, Ah’m gonna have me three sticks a dynamite in mah pocket!”
