Re: Husbands and their food....
How difficult it is , call it aloo gosht in the lunch and gosht aloo for dinner . Gobhi gosht in the lunch and gosht gobhi in the dinner .
It cannot get simpler than that.
Re: Husbands and their food....
How difficult it is , call it aloo gosht in the lunch and gosht aloo for dinner . Gobhi gosht in the lunch and gosht gobhi in the dinner . It cannot get simpler than that.
no man just make alu gosht and then for dinner take out some of the gosht and say now its alu alu gosht
Re: Husbands and their food....
z
we share chores. but my expectations are my expectations and she has to do her part in meeting them. ** And I already mentioned the importance of reciprocating and having consideration for each other.**
If she is not doing her part in meeting those expectations then there will be a conversation about that.
"Honey, you need to say goodbye to MAC and pretty much the mall in general." I tease. A conversation, right? A respectful conversation is good...where comromises can be discused....it's better than reminding the other of favors and using harsh words that would casue resentment and take the joy out of trying to meet your partner's expectations...and make them seem more like a chore.
In the case noted initially, the dude has an expectation and a request, and it really is not unreasonable, maybe it can't be met 100% of the time,
I personally find it unreasonable as an everyday requirement...and one that will be hard to meet 100% of the time...hence the emphasis on flexibility. Maybe I'm silly for thinking this way: I know that those who can afford it can. One might even argue that who's going to stop driving their car just because so many in the world don't have one? I guess you can extend this to the makeup and the clothes as well. I dunno...maybe it's because we did a poverty program at school....but I think how there are so many in the world that don't have much of a choice when it comes to food...who are lucky they can even get one meal a day.... and it just makes the 2 different salans a day thing (for me) seem a bit much. And as for your "time" argument (as in the pathetic wife MUST have had the time to make the two salans)....sometimes there isn't....cooking isn't the only chore, there are others...and with kids come additional responsibilities.
but it can't be just stated to be out of the realm of rational expectations. Sadly many of the posts by ladies in this thread are like oh my god, how bad, how tough, why etc etc. its called life..and its called a marriage, you try to keep each other happy and try to fulfill these little wants.
*I guess I'm just one of those crazy ladies then. I never said that one shouldn't even bother trying, but I think that it can be worked around...where if the additional salan wasn't made (for whatever reason)...something else can be done to add variety.*
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Re: Husbands and their food....
RV obviously a conversation has to be a respectable one, but it can be firm if there is an issue. issues have to be communicated and sorted, can't be brushed under the rug. There has to be a sensible compromise reached. You are assuming about bringing up favors and shopping and harsh words. At the same time other things can be brought up, I would have no hesitation in pointing out time being spent on social events and not on family if it has an impact on family life. or if it about expenditures. marry a grown up, talk like adults, dont need to walk on egg shells and have kid gloves on.. you married an equal, not raising a kid.
to you a fresh item each time may be unreasonable, and the best way to manage that is to not marry someone who has that expectation. If you do you can't vilify them. figure it out, dont do it 100% of the time, but the answer is also not 0% of the time. I think we can agree on that. find that balance that is reasonable and respectful. when we talk about give or take, well here is an example...and the answer in this is not always one that both are okay with, in some cases the answer is where one is delighted and other is just okay about it, in other cases the roles are reversed. That is the reality and the key to any successful relationship, not just marriage.
btw the poverty and 2 salons does not work out...we are not tailing waste here ..I mean the dude is going to eat the same amount..whether it is two platefuls of alu gosht, or one of alu gosht and then one of bhindi gosht, the amount is the same right. if i have the same set of supplies at home and I can eat them in any combination and permutation..its just a matter of different day and combo, which just means a little more effort.
btw, I can cook most desi food within 30 minutes, and not all of it is touch time, much of it is elapsed time..in 30 days its a total of 15 additional hours of effort..and u can do much of it while doing other stuff or even watching TV.
Re: Husbands and their food....
^ but why does woman should compromise on cooking only??
(lets start the circle again)
Re: Husbands and their food…
:sigh: I never said that respectful conversations have to entail walking on eggshells. One can be firm and still try to be tactful in expressing their concerns. And that does not reduce the other person to a child or less of an equal. No, I’m not assuming that YOU do this in your marriage…I only brought up the “favors” because you and KC had posted about equivalents/favors.
As for your last paragraph…I feel I’ve said those things in my other posts. As for your point about one being the delighted and the other being “okay” with it…thats basically tolerance/compassion/flexibility…which, again, I’ve already brought up. We differ in that you don’t find Mr. Nadz666’s expectation unreasonable, where I think it’s a bit much. On that we can agree to disagree. As for the importance of a balance and all the other stuff…seems we concur.
Re: Husbands and their food…
Does she want the face paint and the clothes and the bling? Then she shouldn’t leave the kitchen. DUH! Time is money. 
Re: Husbands and their food…
My hubby is also the same Mashalllah…I make double quantity nd keep it in the freezer. I take it out after 2-3 days.
Re: Husbands and their food....
I don't know what you have been putting in your salan...
I love salan/desi food, I really do....but I know it's something you should avoid eating at work (unless everyone else at work doesn't mind it)...well I had some the other day cz I was craving it, but afterwards I flossed and rinsed out my mouth and chewed some gum..
and this should go for pretty much most ethnic foods that have strong smells..
Re: Husbands and their food....
We differ in that you don't find Mr. Nadz666's expectation unreasonable, where I think it's a bit much. On that we can agree to disagree. As for the importance of a balance and all the other stuff...seems we concur.
I think we are saying the same things in general, except..the key point about his expectation and the response is that if meeting him 100% of the way there is not an option, not budging and being at zero is not one either. I dont see anything about discussion or effort to figure out either a middle ground or having the compassion/flexibility, but just that his demands are unreasonable. the challenge on this forum is that most fail to get beyond if it is unreasonable, why, and then what is reasonable. Trying to make people think a bit more.
Re: Husbands and their food....
^ but why does woman should compromise on cooking only??
(lets start the circle again)
can apply on other things and to anyone in any sort of relationship, partnership, venture..etc etc
Re: Husbands and their food....
As much as I like cooking for others, I really think everyone should cook for themselves regardless of men or women...seriously, food is a BASIC necessity of life..it's like everything else you need to do to remain alive, then WHY wont you cook ur own food :S...I really think husband and wife should either cook together or cook their own food. That will actually get rid of 50% of complains made by married women.
Re: Husbands and their food....
50% is vastly exaggerated i think.......5% may be...
Re: Husbands and their food....
btw, I can cook most desi food within 30 minutes, and not all of it is touch time, much of it is elapsed time..in 30 days its a total of 15 additional hours of effort..and u can do much of it while doing other stuff or even watching TV.
Yo man..how do ya make food in 30 mins. It takes me at least hour to make something nice desi food. I admit i hardly make desi food to begin with...
Re: Husbands and their food....
As for topic yo..i don't see any reason why wouldn't someone eat left over from other day. I live by myself and sometimes..i don't feel like cooking something after long day. Hence end up eating with leftovers. I mean ya we desis love food. And there is no problem with that. To me the problem occurs when two dishes are made same day. Ya see i don't know about other fellas..but the way i think is..i thank Allah for providing me warm and good food. No matter what or how it is. They are people in the world who don't have food like that and they wish for these kind of food. What i am saying is...their should be sabr and shukr added to fellas part. I mean ..if he wants to cook anotha salan for himself..then he should help himself.
Also..i am don't eat desi khanay anyway. But I like general stuff like nehari, paye, all kind of kababs, sabzis and daals. So i will be thankful enough to have one of each..each day.