@OP - In essence you are making a mountain out of a molehill
Your husband has a perspective and I tend to agree with him on many counts. He does not want his kids to learn Urdu since many kids who are exposed to multiple languages in the formative years do not master a single language. It is important for the kids to assimilate and be good at English. As the kids grow older(after 7), you can introduce them to Urdu. Kids learn fast and should not be a concern for you. Maybe your choice of interiors is indeed not good and he has a better choice. Maybe he has a point. I think he would have the same frustration as you since your choices do not match.
Dont be too controlling on the kids.
Also never blame his family for what he is. There might be issues and I dont think every man behaves the way he does due to his family. He has a personality of his own and respect him for that.
While you talk about you giving up so much due to his opinions, dont you think your husband has the same to say about you.
No marriage is a fairy tale and please grow up.