sometimes u have to change urself for the one u love
things like husband ko aap kehna chaheay, chahay age difference sirf aik saal ka ho, things related to that..nothing family related........in other things hes pretty decent and broad minded, infact he encouraged his wife to do whatever she wants, as in she wants to build her career so he encourages her, but when it comes to these issues there is a clash
Seems like my husband, hey sometimes we clash, but I know deep down I know that I want a strong value husband rather than a lose character one. of course it would have been better if he had been a bit broad minded in some few things, but hey we can't have it all!!
some minor things as he wants our daughter to learn urdu, he gets upset when i talk in german with her or things like being too ultra modern he cannot stand ect..
being called aap is out of respect and not age, i call him app and he sometimes calls me aap too.
i address my hubby as aap and am so proud of it. i am an educated person who has done post graduation, my father is a phD and mother is a post graduate as well, but still i say him aap, coz i respect and love him!
my main aim in life is to keep my family life strong, take extra good care of my children and give my husband all the love and respect so he wont go out n behave as wat u ppl call as "dirty married uncles"
dearies, aap kehnay say koi chota ya tum kehnay say koi bara nai ho jata!!!
yes that may be true, i heard it from the husband and his version obviously is his side but all three didn't last for more then 3 months in one case the wife didn't allow him to touch and later from chat scripts of his wife he found out she has an affair with her classmate
and other two are bit similar and all three are arranged and all are very highly educated like studied in IIT's
I can understand this happening. You have a highly educated couple who do not know each other. The woman is able to live her life and have her career without necessarily needing to be married. So she'd be much less likely to remain in a marriage where she sees incompatibility yeah? She also has much less need to keep her reputation "untarnished" due to divorce.
As far as those who have fear of compromise....its inevitable that compromises will be made when there is more than one person in the household. It isnt like you're giving up your own likes and desires or your identity. That remains. But husband and wife will not always want exactly the same things. So compromise should be made. This goes for small things - like which movie to watch - and big things - like which house to buy or how many kids to have. When you find the person that you want to share the rest of your life with, compromising just comes naturally.
I can understand this happening. You have a highly educated couple who do not know each other. The woman is able to live her life and have her career without necessarily needing to be married. So she'd be much less likely to remain in a marriage where she sees incompatibility yeah? She also has much less need to keep her reputation "untarnished" due to divorce.
As far as those who have fear of compromise....its inevitable that compromises will be made when there is more than one person in the household. It isnt like you're giving up your own likes and desires or your identity. That remains. But husband and wife will not always want exactly the same things. So compromise should be made. This goes for small things - like which movie to watch - and big things - like which house to buy or how many kids to have. When you find the person that you want to share the rest of your life with, compromising just comes naturally.
trust is also needed with compromise, most ironic part is one demanded 50 lakhs in alimony, of whose marriage is not registered
Hindu marriages are not registered, unless you register it purposefully
What's the harm in calling him 'aap'?
there is no harm. She does call him ap, but this app thingi developed after marriage, he is just one year older to her......it happened on its own.......baat kehnay ki nahi ahi baat idiology ki hai........there is a clash in that
phewww.........so yr friend's husband wanted her to call him aap , and she think he's old fashioned ?? if they both r from pakistan than , they must have known that millions of women over there call their husbands aap not b/c it's old fashioned but out of respect . and how long they've been married ?? and if they've known each other before getting married didn't they discuss this @ that time ??
no hsap, these things were never discussed, and are neither discussed, these things are relatedt o values according to him and that yeh pata honee chaheay. The husband doesnt want her to cal him aap, hes never demanded it, but once his dadi heard the girl saying tum to him tu she scolded her, tu the girl thaught its old fashioned kay dadi ko kia masla hai, but the guy didnt disagree to the CONCEPT, not that he wanted her to say it.......but he agrees to such concepts.
Seems like my husband, hey sometimes we clash, but I know deep down I know that I want a strong value husband rather than a lose character one. of course it would have been better if he had been a bit broad minded in some few things, but hey we can't have it all!!
some minor things as he wants our daughter to learn urdu, he gets upset when i talk in german with her or things like being too ultra modern he cannot stand ect..
being called aap is out of respect and not age, i call him app and he sometimes calls me aap too.
oh yeah same is here, the husband calls hsi wife aap to at times, and they dont have kids right now but when they have, he wants to impart these values in them, now when they had a fight he was likei dont want ur idiologies to go in my children
Seems like my husband, hey sometimes we clash, but I know deep down I know that I want a strong value husband rather than a lose character one. of course it would have been better if he had been a bit broad minded in some few things, but hey we can't have it all!!
some minor things as he wants our daughter to learn urdu, he gets upset when i talk in german with her or things like being too ultra modern he cannot stand ect..
being called aap is out of respect and not age, i call him app and he sometimes calls me aap too.
but another thing is that if u dont call aap that doesnt mean u dont respect ur husband, what about some husbands always calling their wives tum! isnt that disrespect
i address my hubby as aap and am so proud of it. i am an educated person who has done post graduation, my father is a phD and mother is a post graduate as well, but still i say him aap, coz i respect and love him!
my main aim in life is to keep my family life strong, take extra good care of my children and give my husband all the love and respect so he wont go out n behave as wat u ppl call as "dirty married uncles"
dearies, aap kehnay say koi chota ya tum kehnay say koi bara nai ho jata!!!
yar i truly understand and agree with u, aap kehna accha lagta hai, it feels nice. Baat yeh nahi hai, baat yeh hai kay there are clashes on idiologies, hes a bit conventional on things and the wife is not.........so what to do about it
Dear Amna J,
even my hubby is very conservative when it comes to certain things, but it does not mean we end our relationship and destroy the future of our children!
whenever i advice my hubby aba something, he goes like, "dont teach me wat to do" so u know men and their egos... i belong to a modern family, my parents are educated, whereas he belongs to a VERY conservative family and his parents are not at all educated to understand the modern time changes they are still behaving as old generation geeks!!! with due respect!!!
aik baat kahoun gi, dont raise such a point where he starts loud mouthing the girl and the girl has to give him back!!!! thats the major reason for clashes!! be diplomatic in wat u say as then wat he answers will not hurt ur feelings!!!!
for instance! old these MIL's who give all that sh*t aba bahus, sara sara din khudi mahaloun mein ghoomti rehti haen, ar jub kabhi humari koi dost a jaey ya hum kaheen chalay jaen then its hell for them!!!!
these are very common issues of life which can be easily tackled IF THE GIRL is knows how to play this game!!!!
Re: husband strong in values
I will only consider it a sever problem if his "old fashion values" say wife should not fight with husband.
If he is open to discussion put up with him, make him realize how you feel about things.
Re: husband strong in values
[QUOTE]
i absolutely hate when people say marriage is compromise-- why do it then?!
WHy would you take your wonderful independant life and make it a compromise.
A marriage is a merging of two people, families and lives.....
I'm taking ineverything he has to offer not giving up all I want or had...
[/QUOTE]
Compromise is not a bad thing, especially when you do it willingly for the one you love. Think of a mother and her children. She will love her children more than herself and always want whats best for them. It is only natural that she will make compromises for them, out of her love and mercy for them. Similarly for a married couple. Marriage is a 2-way street. You get and you give and sometimes this means you have to compromise. Maybe you are not married yet, but when you are inshallah you will see that when you love someone and when their happiness becomes linked to your own happiness, then compromising is easy and you do not mind it at all. But of course, when one only party is doing all the compromising at every stage, thats when problems arise
Compromise is not a bad thing, especially when you do it willingly for the one you love. Think of a mother and her children. She will love her children more than herself and always want whats best for them. It is only natural that she will make compromises for them, out of her love and mercy for them. Similarly for a married couple. Marriage is a 2-way street. You get and you give and sometimes this means you have to compromise. Maybe you are not married yet, but when you are inshallah you will see that when you love someone and when their happiness becomes linked to your own happiness, then compromising is easy and you do not mind it at all. But of course, when one only party is doing all the compromising at every stage, thats when problems arise
thanks midnighteyes....btw i am married since two and ahalf years, but yeah compromising for me is tough too........
I will only consider it a sever problem if his "old fashion values" say wife should not fight with husband. If he is open to discussion put up with him, make him realize how you feel about things.
no he is open to discussion.......but he says to his wife, that i dont impose on u, so dont try to change my idiologies.......
Re: husband strong in values
ok now when they were ina fight, the husband kept saying kay tumhara parents nai tumhain sekhaya nahi hai ya sekhaya hai magar u havent learnt anything from them, i follow their values bla bla..........so the girl got angry and said i can leave u but not them tu is par hes so pissed, even the girl said sorry but hes not coming around.........what to do
no he is open to discussion.......but he says to his wife, that i dont impose on u, so dont try to change my idiologies.......
Well he sounds like nice person. Give it some time you will live happy ever after.
Guy is a keeper.
To put high intensity fights, first love him more .
ok now when they were ina fight, the husband kept saying kay tumhara parents nai tumhain sekhaya nahi hai ya sekhaya hai magar u havent learnt anything from them, i follow their values bla bla..........so the girl got angry and said i can leave u but not them tu is par hes so pissed, even the girl said sorry but hes not coming around.........what to do
Dear Amna J,
this is not the first time im hearing this, i had the same argument with my hubby but my response was not the same... NEVER EVER SAY THE GUY I CAN LEAVE U BUT NOT MY PARENTS, the girl has to be sensible enuff to know wat to say wen wat not to say at times!!!! my response was i was quite, which brought his temprament down as well!
now that the girl has done this mistake, tell her to be very good and lovable to the guy!!! sorry wont make any difference, wen u say sorry to a guy he has ur weak point that she can even do more! u know that ego-sh*t comes into his head!!!! so try to act smart and u know flater him, praise him n stuff!!!!
Dear Amna J,
this is not the first time im hearing this, i had the same argument with my hubby but my response was not the same... NEVER EVER SAY THE GUY I CAN LEAVE U BUT NOT MY PARENTS, the girl has to be sensible enuff to know wat to say wen wat not to say at times!!!! my response was i was quite, which brought his temprament down as well!
now that the girl has done this mistake, tell her to be very good and lovable to the guy!!! sorry wont make any difference, wen u say sorry to a guy he has ur weak point that she can even do more! u know that ego-sh*t comes into his head!!!! so try to act smart and u know flater him, praise him n stuff!!!!
hmmmm....smart lady u r! ill try that.. :)
Re: husband strong in values
Old fashioned or New fashioned … Just adopt the values that you think your future generation should adopt.
